Thursday, January 24, 2013

Small things that sometimes feel huge....

I have really tried the last couple of years to not let things get me down. I’ve learned it is so much easier to try to laugh about things and turn them over to God and let Him deal with it. But I’m also human and there are those days that leave you wanting to bawl on the way to work. Not that anything really bad happened – there are a lot of people who would love to have problems this minor. Even though I know this it still gets overwhelming at times. Most of the time this happens when I’m not feeling 100% myself but as a wife and mother we really don’t get sick days. So we plug on through and hope we don’t do too much damage to our children’s mental health during these off days.

So here is a run down of what is making me want to put my head down on my desk and cry. Just trying to be honest….

1. I don’t feel good.  Which I should say it really is just a cold.  Nothing that would warrant staying home. (I think if you are puking or have a fever staying home with those two issues is common courtesy to those around you). What got me up and going was that I was going to leave at 2 today to get my stitches out and I was going to look at paint colors and new shelf paper for the kitchen.

2. Jay had to be at school at 7:20 for a meeting so I had to drop off both kids. Camryn wet our bed and I didn’t have time to wash the sheets. I just ripped them off the bed so it wouldn’t soak into the mattress any more than it already had.

3. Cade and I are not meshing well right now. I’m kind of at my wits end with him. I know it is his age. I’m trying to be sensitive to that, but on the other hand I don’t know how to get the point across that I mean business. If I say something it makes him mad and seems to make the situation worse. But when someone is almost 11 and they sit in the car while I’m still trying to shut off lights and get out the door – WITHOUT their coat on it is hard for me not to loose my patience. Then when they go in to get said coat and they drag mud and dirt all through the house and take 5 minutes to put the coat on my patience really wears thin. How do you express to your child that you aren’t upset about the mud – it will clean up. But what you are upset about is the fact they should know better than to do that? It is time to start taking responsibility for his actions because he can’t go through life coatless and tromping mud through other people’s business and homes. Believe me – we have customers who drag cow poop into our office and it is super irritating.

4. Camryn was wheezing really bad this morning. As I was loading her in the car I knew she was going to have to go to the doctor.

5. I pulled the car out of the garage and had to check where it had been parked. Yes, I noticed an oil leak yesterday. To me it was good sized – to Jay it wasn’t a big deal. I guess we are watching to see what will happen with it.

6. A kid pulled out in front of me this morning on 96 as I was going about 70. I had to slam on my brakes and everyone shot forward. I laid on my horn because it made me so mad. Actually I honked twice. I was that mad. If I wasn’t already super late I would’ve been tempted to follow them to the HS and lecture them on how they put my children’s life in danger. I knew it was a HS kid because someone had written on their back window with shoe polish. I had to look at that nonsense all the way to the school. Infuriating.

7. Cade – still mad at me over the coat issue, refused to say good bye as he exited the car.

8. My desk and credenza is completely covered at work. I’m overwhelmed right now. Then I was trying to calculate how I could get Camryn to the doctor and still leave in time to get my stitches removed.

9. I unloaded Camryn at the sitters and saw the worst mud mess in my back seat I’ve ever seen in my life. Cade not only drug the mud through the house he also put his feet on the car seats to tie his shoes. And it is wet mud. My car looks like someone turned a wet and muddy German Shepherd loose in it. Again…yes a car is an earthly possession – not a big deal. BUT YOU CAN”T DO THAT KIND OF STUFF IN LIFE. How do you balance that?

10. I walk into work and Pam tells me she has the stomach flu (even though she is sitting at her desk) and she is going to leave at noon. That has got to be my Pet Peeve #1. If you are that sick then you need to stay home. No one is that important at work. I do not need nor do I want the stomach flu. People like that are the reason why I have to use 10X the sick days they do because I have to stay home with my kids while it makes it’s rounds through the family.

11. I was utterly disappointed because that means I can’t leave to get my stitches out. That was what was getting me through my morning. Now I don’t get that few hours away that I really needed today for my mental sanity. And I don’t get to look at my paint colors. I’m so disappointed.

And the grand finale of minor problems really bugging me right now….

We are supposed to finish the last 4 hours of the conceal and carry class on Saturday. I don’t want to go. We are supposed to wear a hat. I hate hats and I look stupid in hats. That is supposed to be over at 12. Cade has a game at noon. I will have to wear this stupid hat to not only 1 but 2 of his basketball games Saturday. Or if I don’t want to wear the dumb hat I will have to deal with hat head. And since I’m not wanting to do this at all it is even more of a bug in my butt. And since I’m not feeling good the last thing I want to do is stand in the cold for 4 hours shooting a gun. Not when I want to put down new shelf paper and paint my laundry room and pantry. And the other issue is not having someone to watch Camryn. Pam graciously offered to watch her, which I really appreciate– but that was prior to the stomach flu. My head hurts.

Ok…I feel better getting all of that out. The urge to cry has subsided. Jay is taking Camryn to the doctor. He also said there will be a major car cleaning party tonight. I will go tomorrow at some point and get the stitches out AND look at paint. I’m still undecided on what I will do about the class. I understand Jay wants me to finish it….but with a sick babysitter, a not 100% feeling wife, a not 100% child and 2 basketball games I just feel my time would be better spent taking care of these issues on Saturday. Not trying to find a stupid hat to wear!!!

Yes, welcome to my privileged, no reason to complain about anything , life.

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