Wednesday, February 16, 2011

The Waiting Game

Yesterday was one of those very rough waiting days. Thankfully they aren’t as frequent as they used to be because they flat wear me out! By the time we got home from Cade’s 4-H meeting I was exhausted and climbed into bed. I didn’t even get up early enough for my normal morning routine. I felt like I needed the sleep more. I think I’m starting feel somewhat back to normal now. Thank goodness!

Basically this day has been in the making since the 10th. We got a call from agency #2 that there was a mom who wanted to look at profiles. Were we interested? Called the agency back Friday, got the details and told her to show us. They were meeting with mom Tuesday (yesterday). The agency said they’d let me know by email what the mom decided. Even though I seriously think this had to be close to the 40th time our profile was shown (and that is not an exaggeration, that is a low ball estimate) , I was still nervous.

Add in a profile showing with the year anniversary of last year’s disappointment mix together and you have a mental mess! Then we got our monthly update from agency #1 yesterday morning. Baby C has been placed with a family. I am so grateful for that, but at the same time it stung a little. It was just all of that bad stuff was wrapped up in a neat little package with a one line statement. That made me sad. Then yesterday afternoon agency #2 called to let me know the mom looking at profiles had picked another family. I was so sad by the time I got home last night. It was just a lot to digest in one day.

Also on the update from agency #1 was a reminder that we have to complete 10 hours of training, per person, before a placement. This is a new rule. It makes me want to pull my hair out. Not that I’m against training, but it is just more crap to wade through. Honestly I keep forgetting about it. I think I’m mentally thinking “whatever!” . At this rate I feel like we’ve got years to get that 10 hours done. I’m sure some of the families are jumping on it and probably have their hours done. I can’t even remember to print off the email to take home to deal with it. And it is 10 hours for me and 10 hours for Jay. That should be fun to get through during his busiest time….Oh who am I kidding, his job is always busy!

Every time our profile is shown I pray that God helps the family to make the right decision and if they do place their baby to give it to the right family. I’m getting tired of us never being the right family. I really think 40 showings is a generous low estimate. We have been shown a lot. A whole lot. Out of those showings only a handful of those babies ended up with their biological families. They were placed with adoptive families – just not our family. Out of those showings we were picked once because the mom liked us, but in the end released the baby to foster care. Even in Baby C’s situation I don’t know that we were picked because she liked us – she felt strongly about giving him to the family who waited the longest. So in a way we won by default and not because we were liked. I’m sure she did look at our profile and was ok with placing him with us, but still….Another time we were the only ones willing to be shown in a situation. She looked at our profile and decided foster care was a better option. That one really hurt. So as you can see I was just a mess last night!

But because I married a really great guy, he understood. He told me to go to bed when we got home last night and he handled the bedtime routine and homework and other NFL questions. Then while I was writing out this whole sad post I got a delivery….

The card was signed Just because we love you - Jay & Cade.  Isn't he the best.  Only problem is that it made me tear up again!

*Also, to clarify - I don't fault any of the mom's for making the decisions that they did.  Especailly in our loss last year.  I really feel that she was coercied into that decision by some of the events that transpired.  My anger in that particular situation was centered on the DFS of that state.  They did some really underhanded things that our agency had never experienced before.  We've had a lot of out there things happen to us with the situaitons we were picked for.  As an adoptive parent you prepare yourself for the possibility of not getting the baby because the parents decide to parent.  That hasn't happened in any of our situations.  I really feel I could've handled that scenerio better than knowing they were going into foster care.  That really makes me sad. 

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