Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Ramblings from early morning....

I haven't been able to sleep the last few nights. I'm not sure why, but it's starting to get annoying. I was already awake, but it didn't help when our bed of 2 became a bed of 5 around 2:30 am. C came in with his stuffed penguin and dinosaur. I finally got tired of trying to fight Mr Dinosaur for a place in the bed so now I'm up. I have a boring meeting to sit through today so this is not going to be good.

I haven't been good about updating the blog so far this year, partly because things have been relatively quiet and then partly because work is so busy right now - I haven't had the time to try to make our day to day lives sound interesting. J's Grandmother did pass away two weeks ago. I hadn't said anything about that yet, not that we aren't missing her, but everyone who reads this blog already knew. The evening of her funeral we went through her pictures and I pulled out the ones she had of our family. She had some cute pictures of C that I hadn't seen before. I'm going to scan and post a few of them. I don't know which makes me sadder - how little C was or how thin I was! It's hard to believe we are approaching his 6th birthday. Where has the time gone?

Another thing that's going on is J's reached a point of frustration with some things right now. He's probably not going to like me typing that out for everyone to see, but it's part of the process. It's hard to say when you reach the point what caused it, is it the infertility, your job (we are going into his busiest time of the year), day to day frustrations, etc. It's like what came first - the chicken or the egg? But it can compound until the point of where you feel like you're doing nothing but beating your head against a wall. Things will turn around, they always do, but sometimes it's just so frustrating. I hate it because I know how he feels, I know that feeling of frustration so well because I've been there many times over the past almost 3 years. For me to have these cycles are nothing new, but it is different for J to have them. You hate to see anyone, especially loved ones, go through these times. So what do we do in these times....last night we played two competitive rounds of Memory. C just amazes me with that game. Once I turn my cards back over I can't even remember what they were. He on the other hand plays with his toys, watches commercials and just goofs around and he still can easily get matches. We all were close last night, but I think J won both games with C coming in second. I've just resigned myself to the fact that there is no way this almost 31 year old can keep up with an almost 6 year old at Memory.

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