Over the last two weeks we agreed to have our profile shown in two different situations and since we haven't heard anything I'm guessing those weren't our babies. I know that God has a baby in mind for us and those weren't it. Both of these situation weren't exactly our "ideal" situation, but we decided to be shown anyway. J's probably relieved because he was a little unsure about both of them, but we stuck to our plan of "God knows what we need" and gave our agency the OK.
All that aside, we were rejected. I don't think there's many people in the world that like the feeling of being rejected. I remember when we were selling our house and people gave me the advice to find out from our relator what people looking at it were saying. What did they like, what didn't they like. I feel that way about our profile. I wish we could get some feedback on it, do they not like some of the pictures, do they not like my haircut, do they not like the fact that we have a biological child, etc. But like knowing what was right/wrong with our house, there also isn't much we can do about what people like and dislike about us. I was asking J last night if it was my hair - my hair was shorter and it was red, did that make me look like an unloving mother? The picture of the three of us in DC on their website - do we look like nerds in it? J of course thought this was the craziest thing that he had ever heard, which I know it is, but still it makes me wonder. I also know we haven't been doing this for very long. Once (if) we get to the 1 year mark I might start looking at making some changes, but until then we'll just ride it out. But still I ponder....What's wrong with us?
Thursday, February 7, 2008
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1 comment:
My heart breaks for you as I read your latest posting. Personally I know there is nothing wrong with C, J, or you. You all three are very special people that have a lot of love to give. These babies must not the one God has chosen for you and for some reason he didn't want you to have one of them. There may have been heart break connected with these babies. Keep your faith in God and know that there are people praying for you. Mom
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