Thursday, February 26, 2009

Sharing Something on my Heart

I’ve had this blog for 1 ½ years and I’ve always tried to steer of the topic I’m going to post about today. My parents are separated and have been for almost three years. I’ve never mentioned much about it on here because I’m a Peacekeeper. I don’t like to hurt feelings or make people feel worse than they already do. I like to go along not rocking the boat and running myself ragged trying to make everyone else happy. Most of the time this is done at the expense of my own sanity. Things have been rough on Jay and I the last four years. Not only have we been struggling with the pain of infertility we’ve also struggled with the hurt of watching my family crumble around us. I keep telling myself at least we have our health. That is something I repeat daily sometimes several times in one day to keep from completely losing my mind. That’s why I freak out when one of us gets the sniffles –if one of us were loose our health too how would I survive?

I read something one time about the difference between a Peacekeeper and a Peacemaker. A Peacekeeper tries to keep the peace by whatever means they can. A Peacemaker makes peace by their actions. Sometimes they may not be popular with what they have to say but it’s the truth. I’m going to take a leap here to the side of the Peacemaker and make a statement - My parents have let Satan get a grip on them and at this point he is the only one who is victorious…not Charity and I, not their grandchildren and certainly not my parents. We are in a lose-lose situation and generations of our family will be affected.

A couple of weeks ago I came across the title of a book called I Do Again by Cheryl and Jeff Scruggs. Connected to this book in Amazon was a blog written by Cheryl. I clicked on a random blog entry and read this. That fits our family to a T. Not only did it speak to me about the family situation but also about some doubt I was having about the adoption. Are we seeking our own timetable or God’s? Why do we put time limits and constraints on things that are out of our control? Cheryl challenges us to ponder Deuteronomy 8:1-10. You can read it here.

I read it this morning and it brought me to tears. It reminds me that God is leading me through this to humble me so that when he brings me out I will praise Him for what He has given me. He will do for me what He did for the Israelites thousands of years ago. Why can’t my parents see that the Lord is with them? We have to do this on God’s timeframe and not our own.

Tomorrow night Charity and I have a joint counseling session with my parents. In my heart I know we are going to be discussing how things will be after divorce. I’m 31 (almost 32) years old and I get physically ill seeing the breakup of my family. This is selfish, but I also get ill thinking about holidays and birthdays and all those other family events. What will happen now? I have never in my life hated satan as much as I do right now, but honestly I’ve never felt his presence as much as I do right now either.

We could all use your thoughts and prayers over the next few days. Please pray that God softens my parents hearts towards each other, their marriage and towards Charity and I and the couple counseling us. Please pray that Charity and I and the couple we are meeting with have the wisdom to say the right things and that we all speak in love and not anger.

I’ll leave this somewhat jumbled post with a few thoughts on marriage. You can check out this post on stuffchristianslike about marriage. It is a good reminder that just because you feel like your marriage is secure doesn’t mean that you can quit working on it. That’s when satan attacks. We all know that he likes nothing better than to break up Christian marriages. I’ll leave you with a comment from that post that I think is a good reminder for those couples who say they’ve fallen out of love with their spouse. Everything we do is a choice and we have to decide if it’s worth fighting for or not. For me, my family is worth fighting for….even if it means waiting on God’s perfect time instead of my own timetable.

The best marriage advice I ever received was at my wedding shower when my grandma looked at me and told me, "You will fall in and out of love with your husband many many times during your marriage. The only thing that matters are the choices you make inbetween those times. And don't worry during those 'dry spells'. You will always always ALWAYS fall back into love."
It was so interesting to hear her say that. Her 50th Wedding Anniversary is coming up soon, and I have to tell you that advice coming from a woman like her isn't anything I would take lightly……….love isn't a feeling, it's a choice. What you do when you aren't feeling 'lovey dovey' is the measure of your integrity within your marriage. No matter what is going on between the two of you, if you trust Jesus and maintain that he is your Savior, he will help you reach level ground with your spouse again. He requires us to love with purpose and decision, not to love passively and with a hope that the warm fuzzy 'feelings' will carry us through the tough moments.
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