It's Been a Year

It's been a year since we made the decision to seriously pursue adoption. Last year I spent the week between Christmas and New Years searching the Internet and calling different agencies. Over the next few weeks packets of information started showing up in our mailbox. We had reached the point where we knew we didn't want to spend another holiday feeling the way that we did the last two years. Was this year any better...yes and no. I know I wasn't nearly as sad as I was for Christmas in 2005 and 2006, but there still is that feeling of something missing. The fact that there are only 3 socks on the mantle and only putting out presents from Santa for one knowing that next year he may not even believe in Santa anymore. I also realize how blessed we are to be able to have one to do that for. There are many people struggling with Primary Infertility and Christmas is a really hard time of year for them. In some ways it's hard to believe it's already been a year, in other ways it feels like it's been about 10 years. I had always thought I'd be pregnant at Christmas 2005, that came and went but I knew that we'd still have a baby by Christmas 2006. Christmas 2006 also came and went with no changes, except knowing we were running out of options if we decided to continue along the treatment route. After 2006 I quit hoping we'd have a baby by 2007, I knew the chances were very unlikely. So now that we've passed 2007 I can't help but wonder about 2008. I'm trying really hard not to, but there is still that little part of me that hopes 2008 will be the year that's different for us.