Friday, September 6, 2013

The Birth Story

With Cade I worried a lot about if he was developmentally on track. I had a book that would tell me the milestones of a certain month and I would look at it to make sure he wasn't behind. He didn't laugh until he was almost 5 months old. I thought there was something wrong with him. I remember literally devoting a whole weekend to making him laugh.  I was so stupid. 

At least I realized it with Camryn so I didn't fall into the same trap. I never opened a book about milestones. When I talked to others who had kids around the same age I never let it bother me if they were more advanced. I was determined to not get into a cycle of outdoing one another or worrying about it if she wasn't the same. Actually I think God was looking out for me since she didn't walk  until she was almost 1. When I think that she has only been moving really good for a year I can't believe it. How tired would I have been if this had been going on for longer?

But back the worrying. I didn't worry about anything EXCEPT how she compares with other adopted kids. Are we talking about it enough? Too much? Does she know the word adopted? How much should I tell her?  Other 2 year olds can recite their birthfamily tree. When I tell Camryn she is adopted she laughs and says "no, you are adopted". It is like a game. Is that bad...or is it good???  Am I missing a key moment to tell her?  Will she not pay any attention to me now and then realize it when she is 11???  What if I screw this up???

When she turned 2 I started trying To remember to mention it more often. Seriously- that is even hard to remember. I forget she is adopted all the time...but I also think about her birth mom a whole lot. It is weird. 

We have a book by Jamie Lee Curtis called Tell Me Again About the Night I Was Born. She loves it and asks for the adoption book frequently. We read it a few times and then I started telling her tiny parts of her story. When asked she can repeat back parts of the story. What Color bow was she wearing the first time we saw her? (Pink) What did we think about her? (Perfect) and she can repeat her birth parents names. 

This went on for a few weeks. I thought not only was Camryn a genius but that I was handling this adoption talk very well. I could teach a class or something on it (ha ha). Things though were going good then last Sunday happened. 

We were getting her out of the van at church. I had to put her shoes on so Jay was making conversation with a boy while waiting on me. Jay asked the boy what his Dad's name was. Camryn started screaming "Alex, it is Alex". Here is a sidenote to the story. I've been listening to Madagascar in the van for weeks. When I heard her say Alex all I could think of was Alex the Lion. I was so confused as to why Camryn was saying David's dad was Alex the Lion. Finally it dawned on me. Alex is her birthdad's name. So now Camryn has called us by her birth parents names a couple of times. 

Thankfully Jay and I are extremely secure in our roles as her parents so we aren't concerned about it in the least. We actually laughed about it and decided to not talk about it as much for awhile. It is confusing since we don't have a picture to put with their names. If we had that I think she would understand it more. She knows all of her other important family members in pictures. 

Not having a picture of her birthmom really bothers me. I've wished countless times for one. I stalk Facebook every so often in hopes I will stumble on one. But in the meantimeI think we will focus on the other parts of her adoption story.

If you see us and we look like we are ignoring Camryn we very well could be. We've decided not to respond if she calls us by other names!!  Not that it happens very often but we definitely don't want to make it worse. 

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