Monday, May 9, 2011

Mothers Day

Mothers Day for the last several years has been a complicated day for me. Yes, I am a mother, but….I really don't know how to describe it. Even though I know I'm still as much as a mother as someone with a gaggle of children, sometimes I feel like ½ a mother. Like there is this big area of unfinished business in my life. And I know that there are thousands of women who hurt so badly on this day that I also have survivors guilt. Like I can't be happy and celebrate MD because I also hurt for those women who don't have any children. Then I feel guilty for the fact that I am a mother at all. It is such an odd day for me – and I'm sure it's that way for just about anyone who has gone through infertility. I'm just so thankful we go to a church that doesn't go overboard on MD. I've heard horror stories of church's where they do baby dedications on this day. I know it's a happy day for those parents, but oh my goodness. I would imagine most infertile couples would completely skip church that day. What a horror for them. Then 5 years ago my whole family life changed the day after Mother's Day so that has not helped my attitude towards this day for the last few years.

But, this year was ok. Actually it was the best MD I've had in quite some time. Not that we did anything special – I think it was the fact we didn't do anything. There have been years where Jay has tried to keep me busy so I didn't think about things. This year we stayed at home and caught up on laundry. It was a nice change. I didn't think about all of the other stuff in the days leading up to yesterday. It was a great feeling to be free from some of that junk. And I enjoyed the day just being at home with my two favorite boys.

Jay is such a great husband/dad. I used to work with a guy that when asked what he did for his wife on MD he'd say "nothing, she's not my mother". I'm so thankful that Jay doesn't feel that way. It is important for a child to learn from their father how to treat their mother. Jay does a great job of making sure Cade knows this. I'm so thankful for Jay!

Yesterday I woke up to pancakes cooked by Jay and Cade. Then Cade gave me the gift that he made me at school. It was a coupon book with different things in it. Jay and I got a good laugh out of them….Pick up the house, Make your bed, Let you watch the TV for one whole day, Leave you alone…and our absolute favorite – Try to wash the dog. Charlie is an outdoor dog so he never gets a bath. We never wash the dog. We asked Cade why he put that one in there and he said it was time for lunch and he had to finish so he copied it from someone else. Jay teased Cade and told him he was writing coupons that he couldn't cash.

The rest of the day I piddled around and helped Jay with the laundry. Normally I'm the head laundry person, Jay helps but I'm usually in charge. It was nice to not be in charge for a change. I sat outside and read and took a nap and then worked on another purse. It was a wonderfully uneventful day!

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