Tuesday, March 18, 2008

I'm 31 Today

I didn't catch that the post showed 3/17. I've changed it to 3/18 which is my birthday

Today is my 31st birthday. I haven’t given much thought to my birthday or my age this year. Last year the thought of turning 30 was a little traumatizing to me. People would tell me it’s not that bad, your only as old as you feel, etc. I did get a little irritated with the comments. No one realized how in my mind I had set goals for myself that I hoped to accomplish by the time I was 30 and one of those was to have our second child. To me turning 30 didn’t mean I was old, it meant by biological clock was ticking louder. A woman’s fertility does go down after 30 and it hadn’t been great at 28, so I knew it wasn’t going to be getting any better. I was having to totally change my mindset about what age was too old to have children. For me changing my mind about something like this is like getting Cade to hurry up in the mornings. It’s pretty much impossible. It also didn’t help that I took my first dose of Clomid that morning for my last round of fertility treatments. Cade also was turning 5 the next day, my baby would be old enough to start school. So for those of you who thought I was just worried about getting old, it was so much more than that. It was a point in my life where I had so much to be thankful for, but yet I was still missing something so huge. I was forcing my body to do something that it obviously didn’t want to do. I knew that Jay and I were soon going to not be the only main influences in Cade’s life, we would be sending him to the world of public school. He would be around kids who’s lives were very similar to his and some that were vastly different. My life was changing drastically and it just happened to all happen at the same time I turned 30…lucky for me. I guess I’m accustomed to the fact that Cade is in school and that we still don’t have a baby because I haven’t thought much about 31 (or Cade turning 6). I have reset my age of what is too old for us to have a baby, but that also isn’t black and white, there are shades of gray. At what age do we want to say is too old to adopt an infant? Is that the same age we think is too old to have a biological pregnancy? Once we reach that age if we still don’t have another child will be push the age out farther or decide we are a family of three? These are many of the things I never thought I’d think about into my thirties, but I am. Most of the time we try not to think about it, just take it one day at a time and enjoy what we have.

If your wondering if we're doing anything for my birthday tonight we aren't. We hadn't planned anything because Jay has a school thing this evening. It's turned out to be for the best because Jay and Cade are both sick. It looks like I'll be staying home with Cade tomorrow, his birthday. I've been fortunate that I haven't been sick when the two of them have gotten sick this school year. I hope that can continue until we at least get through Cade's party on Saturday. Jay and I are planning on going out Friday night to get Cade's present (a new bike just for you Leslie) and that will be my "celebration"


Anonymous said...

I think it is pretty amazing what my little girl has accomplished in 31 years. I watched a little girl get on the school bus when she was 5 and 13 years later I saw a beautiful young girl graduate, start college in an enviroment that was completly different than where she came from, she succeeded there, met J, got married, and had a wonderfuly little boy. Together you & J have created a home of love and respect where C can grow up and become a strong adult someday. It is the cycle of life repeating itself.
Happy Birthday,

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

I noticed the blog entry is dated Monday, March 17. What is your date of birth????