Tuesday, September 4, 2007

It's 2:00 a.m. and Guess What....

I'm up scratching again. The Hives are driving me nuts. According to the info sheet they gave me in Urgent Care I could have these for up to two weeks. No telling how many early morning posts I may do before those two weeks are up. Since I'm awake anyway I thought I'd update you on how the sale went and tell you about how J and I were terrible parents to our boy yesterday.

I'll admit that there have been times we've left in a hurry in the mornings and as soon as we pull out of the driveway I'll realize that I have forgotten to feed C breakfast. I'm especially bad about this on Sunday's because a lot of times he doesn't wake up until almost time to get ready and then we're in such a hurry I forget. Luckily Cheryl gives the kids crackers and juice during Sunday School so it's not like we've completely starved him...until yesterday....I did have my wits about me enough yesterday morning to give C some waffles, but then I had to get ready so I'm not sure how much of them he actually ate. Once we got to the sale he took off with the other kids and I have to admit it was a relief. It's pretty nice now that he's old enough to turn loose, especially in a safe environment like yesterday. He ran wild with the other kids and had a great time. At one point I saw him with a can of Root Beer and I asked him where he got it, he told Papa Kerry that he was thirsty so Papa bought him a drink. Later on I saw him with a can of Pepsi and I asked him where that came from. It was from Grandma Robyn. Then I saw him eating a bowl of ice cream which he said Aunt Janice bought for him. It was at that point I realized it was about 2:00 p.m. and we had not fed him lunch. J and I had gotten so wrapped up in the auction that we forgot to feed our child. Thank you Papa Kerry, Grandma Robyn and Aunt Janice for taking care of my child for me yesterday. Between the sale and the hives I guess I temporarily lost my mind. I do promise you that this doesn't happen often and that's really not why he's so skinny. I do feel bad because I wanted to tell Janice thank you but I got side tracked on my way over to talk to her. Yesterday was a crazy day.

I think that the sale turned out pretty good yesterday. I know that Helen, Clint, Larry, Janice, Ed and Dad have to be relieved that it's over. I know for me it was a day I've dreaded for 19 months. It was something that we knew had to happen, but it's hard to see people picking through your loved ones stuff. Especially knowing that these were things Grammy and Granddad had accumulated over almost 75 years of marriage. I was fortunate to have had all 4 of my grandparents and both parents until 3 months before my 28th birthday, then within 28 months Charity and I lost Granddad, Grammy, Mamma and the way of life we've always known. Some people have tried to comfort me by saying they were old, they're better off, at least they're not hurting now, you'll adjust etc. Yes that's true, but I still miss them and the life we grew up in. There is hardly a day that goes by that I don't think of at least one of them or the times Charity and I had growing up. I always think of Granddad outside with his roses or Grammy sitting in her kitchen or calling Mamma on my way home from work or the other constants in life Charity and I assumed would always be there. Yesterday when we first got the sale I had this overwhelming urge to just say that I wanted it all. Even though I really don't have any use for most of it, it is still stuff that I grew up with and it was hard seeing it split up, especially the things that went to complete strangers. I'm smart enough to know this was something that had to be done, but it was still hard to watch. Even though I really hadn't even seen most of this stuff in a while it was at least comforting to know that in a world where things change so fast and we're expected to move on from our grief in a matter of days there was still one place in the world that hadn't changed much since I was a baby. The tractors that all of us grandkids rode were still there. The deer statues were still there. The church pews were still in the basement. Grammy and Granddad's chairs were still in the living room. We went up there Sunday night to look over the stuff and I picked out something from their 50th Anniversary collection and C played with the tractors. It broke my heart that night to see him riding on that tractor up and down their sidewalk. If only we knew how many miles those tractors have been driven. I knew that the tractors were going to be in the sale and it was bothering me. After talking to a lot of the grandkids on Monday, I realized it was bothering all of us. None of us wanted those to go outside the family. I didn't want them, and I knew that we couldn't afford them, but in a selfish way I didn't want anyone else to have them either. I'm so glad that Charity wanted them. Her and dad went together and bought both of them. It was such a relief to all of us to see her get them. I couldn't even watch while they were bidding on those. I had my back to it and Laura told me that Charity had gotten them. Now Charity's kids and grandkids and nieces and nephews will get their own tradition of driving the tractors at her house. Once we have another baby it will get to also be part of that tradition. I think for me, and I can't speak for Charity, but I have a feeling it was more than the physical place where the tractors will now be, it was an emotional attachment. We've been through so many things in the last 33 months that we've had no control over. We've lost a lot, probably more than some of you realize, but at least the tractors were something else we didn't have to lose. I know no matter how far their stuff got scattered yesterday or how much things continue to change, it doesn't change the fact that Grammy and Granddad loved all of us as much as we loved them and in this frustrating mixed-up world that is one thing that can't be taken from us.

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