Our Profile

I got a call from our Social Worker yesterday - our profile has been approved. Last night we made 10 copies of it (8 to give to the agency & 2 to keep). We got to Kinkos and the little copy man starts thumbing through the pages telling us he can't copy it without a release for the professional pictures. I got so angry at myself because we had a release and I mailed it to the agency and hadn't thought to make a copy. Then I got really irritated with the guy because he was inspecting each picture trying to decide if it was professional or not. I got pretty snippy and told him there were only 3 professional pictures in the profile. I thought I was going to implode right there at the Kinkos counter. I looked up the definition of implode and I think that's what I was going to do rather than explode. It was like after all this time we get to the last step and once again someone or something is standing in my way. The copy guy was really nice and I know I was hateful but I was so irritated. Also C was in a really annoying mood last night. We call it LaLa Land. He just spaces out and moves really slow and can't focus on what he'd doing. He had drug in all of his Civil War guys in his tackle box and had them lined up on one of the tables. J and I were trying to decide what to do and we both told him to pick up the toys which he did at a snails pace. We went out to the car and looked through our paperwork to make sure there wasn't something that we could use. Finally we found something that we thought might work and we tried to go back in to Kinkos. C got distracted by a realtor display that looked like a house. I thought my head was going to pop off. J told me to let him handle it so I sat down with C and J got them to make the copies. It took FOREVER for the guy to make the 10 sets of copies that we needed. C kept touching things and wandering around and saying can we go, I'm hungry. Anyone who saw us last night would've thought we didn't need another child, we were even beginning to wonder. We were almost done and J decided to get C in the car while I got the last of the copies. Since J was with me I had left my purse in the car. J comes back in Kinkos and says that one of our doors had been left open. I'm standing at the door yelling at him to make sure my purse was still in there, which it was. Then I yell at him to make sure my wallet and all my cards are still there, which he couldn't hear me so I had to yell louder. Finally I just told him to forget it, I'd check it when I came out. I went back in collected my copies and went out to the car. I'm sure everyone in Kinkos breathed a sigh of relief when they saw us get in our car and drive away. I had assumed that it was C's door that had been left open. With him in LaLa Land for the evening it sounded like something he would do....But it wasn't his door, it was J's. It's a wonder someone didn't pull in the parking lot and take our door off.

After Kinkos we went to Sam's to get stuff for the concession stand. C was just as annoying in Sam's as he was in Kinkos. J had gotten one of those big carts so C was running around on it calling it his train, sitting down and letting his feet dangle so we'd almost run over them, moving all around so it was difficult to push, playing on the chip boxes like it was a set of drums...I think you get the picture. I had to leave the two of them for a moment so I could collect myself. I was wanting a trip to LaLa Land by this time. For those of you who don't know, I drive a Pontiac G6. If you've ever looked at one you'll notice they aren't a large car. In fact the trunk is so small that all of my bags for just a weekend trip can fill it up. J had to get 6 large boxes of tortilla chips and 1 large box of Fritos, plus some other things. I thought we were going to have to put C's car seat on the top of one of the chip boxes. I already had some stuff in the car so trying to add the food to it was entertaining. J was trying to beat the boxes down into the trunk. We couldn't have fit one more thing in the car if we had wanted to.

So our car's loaded down with chips, C is saying over and over how hungry he is, I'm thinking how lucky we are that my wallet didn't get stolen and J decides to give me some words of wisdom...He had heard a speaker say one time, he thought is was at one of my employee conferences, that you can get people to do things for you if you're nice. If you're mean they'll be less likely to help you. It's a good thing I wasn't driving because I might have been so shocked by this revelation that I would've stopped in the middle of the road. He knew I wasn't very happy at Kinkos so that's why he decided to take care of it. I told him thank you, that thought had NEVER occured to me. It's a good thing I have him around. I don't know if he bought it, I'm pretty sure he knew I was being sarcastic. That's when he asked if I was going to blog about our adventure and I told him of course. Our crazy night was another step in the adoption process and I don't think we'll ever forget the night we copied the profiles. They will be delivered tomorrow when we go for our final training session! J said the box holding all of the finished profiles was the most exciting thing he's seen in awhile. I have to agree.

I Failed Another Test....

I went to the doctor today about my throat. It was actually feeling a little better this morning, but because of the crazy weekend we are going to have I wanted to make sure it wasn't strep. He looked in my throat and said he thought it was more viral, but he checked it anyway. I was pretty sure at that point that I didn't have strep and I was a little disappointed. Not that I wanted to be sick, but it was one of those times I just wanted it to be something definable and treatable. He brought in the test and swabbed my throat and he left it sitting in there for 5 minutes. I got up and looked at the test to see if a second line was appearing. The test reminded me of a pregnancy test and all those times I waited for the second line that never appeared. If I stared at it hard enough and long enough I could almost make a second line appear, but in reality it was as blank as a white sheet of paper. The doctor came back in 5 minutes later and joked with me by telling me I wasn't pregnant. I said that I knew, I never pass any of those tests. I never get a second line. He laughed and sent me on my way telling me to take my Allegra and call him if I don't get any better. I think there is something in my body that doesn't allow it to make a second line appear on any test. If they would create a test of something I could pass - like the worry test or the obsessor test, I could probably create second lines all the time. But since those don't exist I'm stuck looking at tests that never have a second line appear. At least I could laugh about it today, because it was funny. A year ago I probably could've laughed, but it would've been a laugh to keep me from crying. Today it really was funny.

Another humurous part of my doctor visit today was that everyone (and I mean everyone) asked about the rash. The nurse, the doctor, the lady that checked me out. All were curoius about what J and C had found out on Tuesday. When the lady up front asked about it everyone at the front desk stopped what they were doing and looked at me while I explained what we found out. I'm sure they felt better when I told them it was contact dermatitis and not something contagious. I'm sure they all felt relieved to know they hadn't been exposed to leporasy on Tuesday. We really made an impression on everyone in the office. This could work out to our advanatage - they'll probably start taking me seriously if I ever call about a rash again.

The Story of the Rash

I had posted sometime last month about J's illnesses that he had seen the doctor about that day, but still managed to pass his Bus Drivers Physical. Well the rash hasn't gotten any better, in fact it's gotten worse. On Monday he called our doctor back and they made him an appointment with a dermatologist and called in another prescription. The dermatologist appt wasn't until January, so we had to try a different one in the larger town to our East. They couldn't get him in until November. At this rate J was going to have scratched down to the muscle or his arm was going to rot off. I picked up the $40 prescription Monday night and took it home to him. Since he had a ballgame he didn't get home until about 10:00 so he did what is becoming his normal routine and soaked in an oatmeal bath and then used the new cream. I had problems of my own Monday evening - I felt like I was getting strep throat, so I didn't much care about his itching. At 12:30 Tue morning he got me up because he feels like he's on fire. He wanted me to see if his rash has gotten worse. I was a little cranky because my throat hurt so bad and he woke me up. I didn't think it looked any worse so I told him so. He went and took a Tylenol PM and then laid back down. He tossed and turned and sighed for quite awhile. I was quickly losing patience so I told him to take another bath. At almost 1:00 a.m. J drew himself another oatmeal bath. While he soaked I laid there trying to decide what I was going to do about my throat - gargling warm salt water didn't help, chloraseptic spray didn't help. I wanted to take Tylenol PM, but decided that both of us didn't need to be knocked out. I finally decided on Alleve and threw in a decongestant for the heck of it. Jay got back into to bed and both of us were wide awake so we watched some of one of the Rocky movies (the one where Rocky fights the Russian). We were both so miserable that J said we were going to need an ambulance escort to the adoption training this weekend. I tried to laugh, but my throat hurt too bad.

Yesterday morning C wakes up and says he's itching like daddy. I went to look at it, thinking it was going to be a mosquito bite, but it wasn't. He had a weird looking rash all over his ankle. I called our doctor first thing yesterday morning and begged the nurse to get us in, which she was able to do. She is much nicer than the ladies at the front desk. The doctor looked at both of them and he didn't have a clue what we should do, except that J didn't need to use the $40 cream anymore. Dr S called the dermatologist himself and got both of them an appt yesterday afternoon. The Dermatologist said J has Contact Dermatitis, so he is allergic to something he came into contact with. The question is will the higher dose of steroids get rid of it, or is it something that he's coming into contact with on a daily basis? If it's not better in a couple of weeks J will have to have some allergy testing. They said it could be anything from gas fumes to elastic on his waistband. He wasn't so sure about C's rash, he told us just to use the cream he was giving J on it to see if it would help. So after $30 there and another $30 on prescriptions we managed to spend $100 in about 24 hours on a rash. That's our luck.

We were quite a site yesterday, I could hardly talk, Jay was scratching his arms non-stop and C kept having to stop walking so he could scratch his ankle. It makes you think twice about touching the door handles at stores doesn't it. You never know who's been scratching something before they touched that door...and I was worried about lice!

Our Civil War Solider

C has become obsessed with the Civil War. I'm sure I've posted about that previously, but I have to mention it again. His obsession is definitely a trait that he gets from my side of the family. Once my family gets started on something, they can't seem to quit. I don't know how many hobbies & activities my family has gotten obsessed with over the years, like dad's BBQ and mom's stamping. C is just another one in a long line of obsessors.

This past weekend we went with Jim and Sharon to the Civil War battlefield near our home. They were having a Ghost Walk that evening. We loaded up on shuttle buses and drove to a spot, watched a reenactment, walked to another spot and watched another one and then loaded back up on the bus. They drove us to another spot and we watched three more scenes before we got back on the bus and headed back to the visitors center. I think we were all a little disappointed because none of the scenes involved shooting. The first scene was the man who had owned the land that the fighting occurred on complain to a Confederate General that his men were stealing his stuff. The second scene was of two women spies reporting to the Confederates what they had seen. The third was of a group of Union POW's, the fourth was of a surgeon and the last one was of a Confederate burial. Even though there wasn't any fighting it still was neat.

It was dark and the trail was lit with lanterns. We were supposed to be quiet as we walked along the trail so it would set the mood. I was afraid C would have a problem with that, because in the truck that evening he had talked non-stop about the war. His new favorite line is "Did you know...." He also kept calling the Confederates the Confedery. There was a large church group that had taken up several of the tickets before, during and after our tour. They were the ones who had a problem with the no talking request. I know it's terrible to talk about other church members, but I had to control myself to keep from asking if they understood what no talking means. There was one women who seemed to be physically unable to be quiet. I had to try and get away from her while we were walking because she got on my nerves. C on the other hand was great. He was in awe of everything going on so stayed really quiet. I was proud of him, especially since he's only five. The 30+ year old woman could've learned a thing or two from C that night.

Sharon bought C another set of plastic Civil War toys from the gift shop. Mom had bought him some earlier but somehow we lost those. That's strange because C has his toys inventoried and knows when one little bitty gun is missing from his army toys. He had the toys on our family room floor all day Sunday and I stepped on one and broke it. I thought the world was going to end right then, he was so distraught. He also got a pin of two swords crossing to put on his Union hat. He was so excited about it.

Last night J had a football game and I stopped by to pick up C and he was wearing his Civil War hat at the football game. I wonder what people think about him when they see him with that thing on. Kinda like in DC when he kept wearing his three cornered hat, even though we weren't at Mt Vernon anymore. When we got home he said that he let Nielson wear his hat. Of course I cringed, I don't know how many times I've given him the don't share hats lecture (I'm so afraid of lice). I knew that C had been by Nielson's mom so I asked what she said. She told Nielson not to put it on, but C assured her it was ok so Nielson wore it for a little bit. Great, if Nielson ends up with lice they'll think it came from us. What a way to start out kindergarten, we'll always be labeled as the "lice carriers" in their eyes. Since the lecture didn't seem to be working anymore I had to resort to the scare tactic. I hate to do that, but sometimes it's the only way I can get through. I explained to him that he could get lice and that they were little bugs that itch and we might have to shave off all his hair if he gets them. I think maybe he finally understood, he doesn't want to be bald so maybe he'll finally quit letting other kids wear his hat. Not that I can totally protect him from everything...J's rash is not getting any better and this morning C had it on his ankle. At this point maybe lice wouldn't be that bad. At least we'd know what it was instead and could take care of it. Unlike this unidentifiable rash.

C finally got tired of me stepping on his toys so he moved his battlefield....to our bedroom.

The Graycoats as he likes to call them otherwise known as the "Confedery" have drawn their lines on my footboard.


The Bluecoats, which to C are the good guys, are stationed on my dresser.

I've Been Left Alone in the Office Again....

Those of you who have seen my office understand what I'm talking about. It is really just a large square room that is surrounded by 4 doors. Two of these doors lead to offices, one leads to the conference room and one leads to the breakroom & bathroom. Due to staffing issues I've been left alone in the office numerous times since the first of the year. It's like 2-3 days a week of being trapped in a white wall box. Things have been a little slow so the phone isn't ringing much, so it's just me sitting in complete silence. For those of you who know me well, sitting in complete silence is never a good thing for me. My mind starts to wander...usually to some disease or illness (I usually can resist the temptation to get onto WebMd, which is a good thing).

Last week was another one of those weeks. I've been alone more than I've been with another live body in the office. So my mind wandered. I'm sure the CEO of the company would love to know he's paying for a wandering mind. I was trying to figure out why I've been dragging my feet on the profile this week. We are this close (hold up your thumb and pointer finger about a quarter of an inch apart). That's how close we are to being done and I can't seem to get it finished. Why is that? We could potentially have birthmothers looking at our profile in under two weeks, but I'm dragging.

I (without the help of WebMd) have self-diagnosed myself. Since May 30, when we found out we could get started, I've been protected from the hurt of wanting a baby. It's like all the paperwork formed a protective bubble around me that other's pregnancy and birth announcements couldn't get through. I was safe, I wasn't worried about each month being "the month". I knew that I had to do xyz before there was any chance that I would be getting a baby. I wasn't just waiting anymore, I was actively doing something to move us along. Now that xyz seems to be done, we go back to waiting. You'd think with as much waiting that I've done the last few years, I would be better at it, but I'm not. When you are trying to have a baby all you do is wait. You wait to ovulate, you wait two weeks to take a pregnancy test, once you find out it's negative you wait to start the whole thing over. Once we started treatment, the waiting got even worse, wait to start the clomid, wait to see the doctor, wait to see the doctor again, wait for the IUI, wait the two weeks, and then wait to start the cycle again. Now we go back to waiting, but rather than waiting in two week increments, it's one big long wait stretching out in front of me.

I know there's always the chance that we could be picked early on, but I have to treat that the same way I treated trying to have a baby. There is a fine line between having faith that God can do anything, but yet keeping yourself realistic. I couldn't go around thinking all the time "I'm going to get pregnant this month" because I could almost convince myself that it was true. When I knew that it wasn't, it was devastating. Worst case scenario will be 3 years, I don't know how I'll cope with that. I've already made it through 2 so if I have to I can do it, I just don't want to. I guess that's why I'm dragging my feet with the profile.

I did finally get everything done this weekend. The packet is ready to go in the mail tomorrow. Once we get the profiles officially approved we will be waiting. I guess it's time to burst my protective bubble and start waiting, even though it's so "comfortable" in the bubble. The only problem is that the bubble not only keeps out the bad stuff, it also keeps out the good stuff. I know I have to burst it to start letting the good stuff in, it's just so hard to do that. No one wants to feel pain and hurt, even if we know its for our own good.

Last Weekend

Now that the weekend is almost here again I'm finally getting around to posting what we did last weekend. J and Terry had another football game last Saturday so we all went to Nana and Granddad's to celebrate Nana's birthday. This also provided an opportunity to have a new picture taken with J family for the profile. It was either that or use one from when C was a baby where J's head was cut off. It's a good thing we got a new picture. We decided to spend the night after the game so while J was at the game C and Nana decorated pumpkins. We all had a good time last weekend. Here are a few pictures.

We are having a quiet weekend at home. I'm going to finally get my house clean and laundry done all at once and get my fall decorations out.

Have a good weekend! This week has been a little slow, so maybe I'll have some more exciting stories to tell next week.

Heard from our Social Worker

Our Social Worker, Ivy, e-mailed me yesterday. She liked our profile and only suggested one minor change. I've also found a few other things that I want to change. I tried to correct it last night, I even sat down at the computer, but I just couldn't make myself fix it. We are so close to getting the final draft sent to the agency, but I just couldn't do it. I'm so tired of working on that thing, but I'm going to make myself finish it tonight. It's going to be a relief when we we get to the point of only waiting. I've seen adoption T-shirts that say "Pregnant on Paper", how true. This paperwork has been about as hard on me as the physical discomfort of pregnancy.