Mother's Day 2014

Mother’s Day is one of those events that infertility has permanently skewed my view of.  For me it is an awkward day.  I actually would be just as happy to go into hiding with my family for the whole day and not be seen in public at all.  I find the whole day to be very difficult….and it’s not the fault of anyone. And it isn’t because I don’t want to celebrate my own mother, mother-in-law, grandma’s, grandma’s by marriage and my own sister.   It is survivor’s guilt. 

Yesterday at church the minister had all of the mother’s stand.  Oh my goodness….I hated it.  Again, until you’ve experienced infertility you don’t think about it.  His heart was in the right place, he was honoring the mothers.  All I could think of was the pain I could be causing someone by standing.  I kind of half stood and then sat right back down.  I felt like I was suffocating for the rest of the service.  Then as we were singing the last song I saw Cheryl bring the kids in the front door and gave them flowers to pass out to all the women.  And again my heart hurt.  I know I’m biased but Camryn was the cutest little thing yesterday walking towards me with those flowers.  I was so happy but yet so sad for those who have a hard time with Mother’s Day.  Those who have unfulfilled motherhood dreams, those who have lost a child or their own mothers, mother’s who’s children are walking a dangerous path,  Camryn’s birthmom who gave her baby to complete strangers and all the other birthmom’s out there, etc.   It is probably one of the most happiest sad days for me every year.

But with that being said I do want to say how thankful I am for my own mother and grandmother’s.  Another thing our adoption journey made me realize was how fortunate I was to have the grandmother’s I had who taught my parents how to be good parents which then trickled down to me and then hopefully on to my own kids.  I am thankful that I get to share this season in life with my sister as we navigate these different childhood ages together.  I am thankful for the family that I got through marriage with my mother-in-law, two grandmas and a sister-in-law.  I am thankful that Nana and Mattyle raised their kids right which trickled down to me getting a really great husband and father.  And I am extremely thankful for the two blessings that God has loaned me here on earth.  Some day’s they push me to the brink of insanity but I would not trade this time in my life for anything.