Camryn's Fashion Tips

1.  A girl can never wear too many animal prints.



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Went for a walk yesterday....

And I loved my view....



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The Complication of Solids

Camryn is really starting to frustrate me with her hatred of solids.  At first I thought it was that she wasn't ready.  Then I thought she didn't like the taste of the cereal.  At times Jay and I think that maybe she is picky, but I'm not even sure that is the case.  When I talk to other people about it I've just decided to say she's complicated.  I don't know what else to call it.

I read a lot of blogs of families who have either adopted children or adopted embryos that are around Camryn's age.  All of those kids are eating solids, and according to the blogs loving it.  Those angelic children are eating all sorts of fruits and veggies by the truckloads.  I consider it a good day if Camryn eats a few of the Toys R Us puffs. 

From the tone of at least one of these blogs I'm sure one of the mothers would blame it on the fact I'm not making my own baby food.  I really did think about making my own this summer when the vegetables were in season.  Not so much because of thinking it was healthier, but that it might be easier.  We used to have a customer who grew green beans for Gerber.  I knew the strict guidelines Gerber had with those beans, so I'm not scared of baby food.  I thought it might be easier because I don't live or work by a Wal-Mart and if I bought baby food at the local grocery store Camryn's grocery budget would be as large as our family budget.  But I quickly put aside the idea of making my own.  Between holding Camryn and watching Frasier I really didn't have time for anything else the 12 weeks I was off work.  The way it's turned out though it's probably for the best.  Camryn really hates baby food.  I would've been even more frustrated if I had a freezer full of steamed veggies that she wouldn't open her mouth for.

I completely gave up on baby food months ago.  I smash up whatever we are eating and try that.  Most of the time she won't eat it.  It's not even that she doesn't like it...she won't even open her mouth to try it.  Her lips are sealed.  She also has a move that Jay and I call the cop out.  When she sees the spoon coming at her she rubs her eyes like she is tired.  Cade had the same "I'm tired" move when he started Kindergarten.  Any time we'd ask him about school he'd respond with "I'm tired" so we'd leave him alone.  After awhile I noticed that any time we asked him something or told him to do something he replied with "I'm tired".  He must have clued Camryn in on that..."hey if you act like you are tired the annoying ones will leave you alone". 

If it is a good night and she's not "tired" she might eat pretty good.  Pretty good for Camryn is 4 or 5 bites.  But what is so weird about her is that one night she might eat something and then the next night refuse it before she even tastes it.  Last night and tonight it was the opposite.  I fixed spaghetti last night and she refused.  I did force one bite in and she shivered trying to get it swallowed.  Tonight Jay is gone so we had the same spaghetti leftovers.  She ate it really well tonight.  Sometimes she likes bananas, sometimes she doesn't....she will eat oatmeal at the sitters but at home she dry heaves on it.  I'm sure I'm a bad mother, but some nights I don't even bother to try to feed her.   I know she will more than likely refuse it and if I'm not cooking anyway I don't mess with it. 

 I'm not so worried about her not eating, but I am starting to wonder what we do for it.  I would like to take her off of formula when she turns 1 but at this rate I don't know what I'll do.  She may be packing a thermos of Enfamil to kindergarten.  But she also refuses a sippy cup so I don't know what she will drink it out of.  That could be another post on its own. 

She's just complicated....

Is she going to bypass crawling?

Camryn has been spending a lot of time in this position.  She is trying so hard to stand up in the middle of the room.  I think this stage is so funny because they get themselves in these positions and can't figure out how to get out of them.  After I took these pictures I had to rescue her.  She couldn't figure out how to sit back down. 










Yesterday morning she backed herself under a kitchen chair and couldn't get out.  Of course I had to grab the camera before I would help her out of her prediciment.








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Goodbye Granddad

This weekend we headed to Fayetteville to celebrate the life of Jay's Granddad Hill Simmons.  It was one of those funerals that was definitely more of a celebration than a time of sadness.  We all knew where Hill was at.  After suffering with Alzheimers for several years we knew he was celebrating leaving his body behind for the glory of Heaven. 

Anyone who spent more than a few minutes around Hill found out he was a unique individual.  I enjoyed getting to know him the last 13 years and hearing stories about him.  One of my favorites is how he and Lorita started dating.  Hill and Lorita met at the University of Arkansas, but there was a problem....Lorita was dating someone else.  She happened to be dating Razorback Football player (and future NFL player and sports announcer) Pat Summerall.  Hill's university mailbox was close to Pat's so he started telling Nana that Pat was getting all kinds of letters from other girls.  Eventually he convinced Nana that she needed to go out with him instead of someone who might have other girlfriends.  Nana and Granddad went on a picnic together for their first date and never dated anyone else.  A year later they were married.  After they had been married for a couple of months Granddad finally admitted to Nana that he may not have been totally honest about Pat Summerall....  But it must have been ok with Nana because when Granddad passed away Thursday they were just a few weeks shy of their 62 Anniversary.  At the funeral the Minister said that when their daughter LeeAnn was visiting about a week before Granddad passed away he was able to communicate to LeeAnn that Nana needed flowers and chocolate for Valentines Day.  And he didn't want any of that generic chocolate.  It had to be Russell Stovers!  I'd say that everything worked out ok in their marriage.

Jay drafted some memories of his Granddad and ended up sharing them today at the funeral.  He did a really good job.  Since this is our family memory book I'm going to include it here. 

This evening my Grandad passed away.  While this is normally a sad time it was for me a time of great relief.  I have been watching for several years the deterioration of my Grandad from this disease called Alzheimer’s.  This is easily the cruelest diseases that I have ever witnessed.  It has taken one of the smartest men I have ever met to one that couldn’t even remember his own family’s name.  So I am reminded that this life is only temporary.  I must admit that I was even a little excited to think that at about 11 pm on February 16, 2012; my Grandad was getting to be shown around Heaven.  I mean just think about ole Hill’s odd smile, you know the one that actually looked like a frown, but you could read in his eyes that he was smiling.  And from all accounts he used to be a fast runner so I can just see him running to meet the Lord God Almighty face to face.  What a wonderful night Grandad has had.  The sad part is that I hadn’t seen that smile in a long time.

Some of my favorite memories of Grandad are when I was a kid.  He was just one of those special people that are often rare in life.  Many of the memories revolve around the life on the farm and cheering on the Razorbacks.  I would like to share just a few of those memories.  One summer in London I remember him taking us to the garden to plant pumpkins.  I don’t remember exactly but he made up some big story about having magic pumpkin seeds.  These magic seeds had to be planted with a bull horn.  So we made a mound of dirt and planted the seeds by dropping them down an old hollow bull horn.  We then covered them up with the horn and put some cow poop on it.  The cow poop was disguised as magic fertilizer as we went around the field and picked up dried and not so dried cow piles. What do you know we grew magic pumpkins. 

I also remember upon countless times of showing Hereford cattle that Grandad would always be on our side.  I don’t care if we had the worst heifer or the best heifer in the class he would always say ;” boys now she was the best heifer in the class!”  Sometimes we won but many times we lost but he always said she should’ve won!  What a confidence builder for a young boy to know that my Grandad was always on our side.  As I got older and could evaluate cattle on my own and more objectively it was always funny to hear him say,” boys you had the best one.”

I remember another time as a young boy that Grandad took the time to try to impress us as little boys.  As many of you know Hill would get up in the middle of the night for most of us.  But when we were kids and he was staying at our house I got up early with him.  We heard a mouse scurry across the kitchen counter.  So Grandad took me in there to catch this mouse.  His hands were so quick that he caught the mouse with his bare hands in one swoop with his little head sticking out over his fist.  He then briefly showed him to me and said,” Now you gotta hit’ em on the head fast or they will bite you.”  So he hit it on the head and killed it.  I am sure that he got as big a kick out of doing that as I did watching it.

Just like when we were showing cattle and Grandad was always bias even when we watched Terry play football.  He would boo the refs and yell things at the refs like no one I have ever heard.  Those of you that knew his voice knew that it would penetrate any amount of crowd noise there was.  I think that people in NW Arkansas expected to see Terry suited up for the Razorbacks because according to Hill he was one of the best linemen in the country.  Too bad Terry didn’t make it.  Grandad was just sure that you were the best in the world.

One of the most memorable experiences that we had as boys was a time that Grandad took us and two of my friends to an exhibition game of the 94 Hogs and the 90 Hogs basketball teams.  It was a lot of fun but after the game we were leaving and Grandad was like a bull in the line of traffic.  Normally most people alternate letting people into line but we did not.  We never did and got so close to people to close off the gap that we actually bumped the person in front of us.  The lighting in the parking lot was such that you could see in the windshield very easily.  Grandad began to look from side to side as if he was on a nice drive in the country while the four boys were getting all of the people in the back seat screaming and using hand motions that were less than appropriate.  We all tried the best we could to keep from busting out laughing but it was very very difficult.

Another time just a few short years ago Terry and I took Grandad to the Ole Miss and Arkansas game.  Let’s just say he was done with crowds at this point.  He yelled, “Down in front,” the whole games.  We knew then that he was going to be watching the rest of the games in the comfort of his couch and living room. 

Other memories that I have were:

Getting to buy fireworks when my parents wouldn’t let us.  You know they are a waste of money…..

Going to the Rodeo over the 4^th of July

Going to a Hereford Field Day and winning the livestock judging contest as a little kid.

Playing poker and he never let us win.

Nana and Grandad always coming to the county fair and many many others.

Wondering, “ why in the world does he get up so early ……everyday.

1 Corinthians 15:50-57 I declare to you, my brothers, that flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God, nor does the perishable inherit the imperishable. Listen, I tell you a mystery, We will not all sleep but we will be changed- in a flash, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, the dead will be raised imperishable, and we will be changed. For the perishable must clothe itself with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true. Death has been swallowed up in victory. Where O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?  The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law.  But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through Lord Jesus Christ.

Another thing that I remember about Grandad was that when he prayed he always started a prayer with, “Father, we are indeed grateful.”  I would like to say that we are indeed  Grateful to have known Hill Simmons and to have called him Grandad.

Teething

It is official. Camryn is a gnawer. We escaped Cade teething with with no teeth marks anywhere. His crib was left in good shape. Our furniture was in tact.

It is a different story with Camryn. She keeps biting our leather furniture. So far I've been able to catch her before she did any damage. I know the day is coming when I won't be quick enough.

From time to time I've found her with bits of paper in her mouth. It baffled me because I knew there was no paper around her. Last night when I picked up her toys I discovered the paper source....



I guess a person can not have too much fiber...

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Happy Valentines Day

Another Valentines Day....another Valentines Box.  This year was probably the easiest one we've done.  That may be because I didn't do it....This was supposed to be my year to help.  I did come up with the idea but Jay improved upon it....so I let him take care of it.  If you can't tell what it is, it is a Lego block.  I was going to cut out circles for the top but Jay said they needed to be 3D.  He got 2 Tuna Fish cans to use.  It does look better than my idea would have.  We bought 4 cans of tuna but the box was only big enough for 2.  We didn't open the tuna....so if Cade gets hungry today or stuck in a snow drift, he will have food.  In about 5 years I'll end up throwing away the tuna.  Not a big fan of it....

I had Cade stand in the kitchen for this picture.  I'm not sure why, but I've always taken his Valentines picture in the kitchen.  It made me think back to his other years.  I didn't get a picture with his box in 2nd or 3rd grade.  In 2nd grade we got the first "the call" the day before his party so we had other things on our minds.  Last year with all of the snow the party was messed up and we didn't get one taken. 

Here he is in Kindergarten

And 1st Grade

You can tell how much he has grown by looking at the curtain.  He is as tall as the curtain now. 

I will say this was the easiest Valentines Day to date.  Cade finally got the hang of filling out his own cards.  I use to dread it because it was such a high maintenace holiday, but this year it was fine.  Or then again that might have been because I didn't help him.....That's what is great about having a snow day when your husband is a teacher.  They still went to school and Cade filled them out while they were there.  But I'm pretty sure when Camryn starts school I'll be the one doing all the hearts and flowers boxes.

How Cade is handling it....

My friend Sandra asked me a few weeks ago how Cade was handling becoming a big brother.  I told her I thought he was adjusting fine, but that his therapist may tell me differently in 20 years.

Up until this weekend I think things have been fine.  The last few days I've wondered if he is finally going through an adjustment period.  I'm wondering if Camryn becoming more and more animated lately is causing it???

It started Friday night.  Camryn is still sleeping in our room in a pack and play.  Right now she is doing find and I don't have plans to move her yet.  We probably will when she turns 1, but she is a quiet sleeper and doesn't disturb us.  Also, the window in her room is huge and we need to have a blind specially cut for it.  We haven't gotten around to having that done and I won't put her in there until there is a blind.  She may be in school before we get it done.  Anyway, Cade let us know his thoughts on the subject Friday night.  This was out of the blue on the way home from Homecoming....

Cade:  When is Camryn ever going to sleep in her own room?
Me:  I don't know.  Is it bothering you?
Cade: (with a snotty tone to his voice)  She has a room.  If she's not going to sleep in it I don't understand why she even needs one.

Then Sunday night Jay's parents came over to see the kids, but I think Cade knew they wanted to see Camryn crawl.  He didn't want to sit in the family room with us.  When we finally got him in the room he sat in the chair and didn't say anything.  He did look like he didn't feel good so I asked him if he was ok.  He said his stomach hurt.  But when he started showing Memo and Papa Jim his Wii football game he started feeling a lot better.  We didn't hear anything about his stomach hurting the rest of the night. 

I knew there would be an adjustment period at some point.  I'm kind of surprised it hadn't happened sooner. 

She's Crawling!!!

Camryn started crawling Saturday night about 8:30.  She immediately found the basket of books under our end table.  She and Jay had quite a tugging match over a photo album.  I wasn't quick enough to get a picture of it.  By Sunday morning she was pulling herself up by holding on to the couch.  Things are going to get wild.  This afternoon I walked around the corner and found them like this....

Daddy did eventually win.  Camryn wasn't too pleased about it...

This week....

This has been a better week around the house in terms of Camryn's patience.  Her evenings have been much better than they have for the last several.  She actually played and didn't fight sleep by screaming.  Work has also been much better this week.  I don't like to wish it would slow down because that's never good, but we needed a breather for a few days.  It's been nice to have some days where I didn't feel my heart race every second of the day while my brain darted around to the hundred things that needed to be done 2 days earlier.  It has been that way continuously since I've been back.  This has been a much needed break which has helped my nerves tremendously! 

Camryn is still not crawling, but she is rocking back and forth then she blows out.  Now though she can get herself back up to a sitting position.  She is so close, she just won't do it.  I've been very firm on not saying I wish she would.... I know she will grow up soon enough so I'm not wishing any of it away.  Now, that doesn't mean some of our days seem don't seem long, but as a whole I know it will go quickly.  BUT there is a small part of me that is ready for her to do something.  I'm ready for her to crawl,  I saw a little girl today who looked to be about 1 and she was walking.  I am ready for that.  I know that means I'll be busier and will loose the freedom of sitting her down knowing she will still be there when I get back.  I think I'm just ready to start discovering more of her personality.

 I have my life insurance license and I have to sit through 16 hours of Continuing Ed hours every 2 years.  Today I went to my first class.  It was a long day.  I love the instructor (had him before) - he is 84 years old and doesn't look or act it. He even told us what the Dow was doing after he checked it on his iPhone. He keeps the class entertaining, at least as entertaining as The Nuts and Bolts of Disability Income can be.  But, and there is always a but...just like there is always the "one" in any class you take.  The one who can't be quiet.  They must comment on everything the instructor says and they nod their head constantly.  Today's "one" was the worst I've ever had to listen to.  She drove me crazy.  Some of the people there were going to be with this lady for two days.  Luckily I was just there for today.  The lady beside me asked if I was coming back tomorrow.  I told her no, then asked if she was coming back.  She said she wasn't and it was a good thing.  If she had to sit with the "one" for another day she would drive her car through a wall.  I know God made us all different for a reason, but I do not understand how people can't sit still and not talk.  I could sit for hours without saying a word.  Jay thinks that is one of my weirder traits, but it serves me well in days like today. 

Cade has had a regular week.  I can't think of anything funny he's said or done....except for tonight before he started on his homework.  Today was a short day and he had a sub.  The sub asked the other 4th grade teacher if they had homework.  She told they sub she was sure Mrs. D would've given them homework.  Cade told Jay "Mrs D. would not have allowed us to have homework on a short day".  Actually, I think he was right.  He's never had homework when they get out at 1.  Thank you sub for making our evening all about division. 

Jay has had a wild time with our cattle this week.  I had looked forward to this week for several weeks....because we had nothing happening on any night.  Weird, I know.  But the cattle decided to have other ideas.  The bull got out this weekend and roamed all over the neighborhood before we could get home from Cade's game Saturday.  I mean he covered some territory at least from the different reports we heard about...and got in another neighbors barn and tore up a bale of hay.  Jay was not pleased when he had to give this lady a bale of good hay to feed her Shetland Pony. Sunday Jay had to move them around to keep the bull in.  On Monday the other ones got out and headed to a different neighbors place.   So Jay had to do some work Monday night on another fence.  Then during the night the calf rolled under one of the fences which meant it was separated from its mother all night.  So the mother bawled all night.  I don't think we will win any neighbors of the year award after this week.  Then tonight Jay had to help his parents pull a calf.  I'm not loving the Herefords this week that's for sure. 

I am so glad tomorrow is Friday!  Cade has a ball game in Liberal Saturday morning.  My Dad and Charity are supposed to be there.  I'm looking forward to it. 

Boy's clothes are so boring!!!!

I've known for years that boys clothes are boring, but the older Cade gets the more obvious it is.  There aren't many places to shop for boys.  Your options are weird skater things with skulls on them or clothes that are way too sissy looking.  I feel like Cade has had the same shirts every year.  I've shopped a lot at Children's Place because money wise/style wise they have the best deals....but how many striped long sleeved polos can a boy own?  How many thermal tees with a football player can one own?  Then when you take that times 10 years....that's a lot of the very same things.  No wonder men don't understand why it takes us so long to get ready in the mornings.  They don't have near the choices every day that we do. 

The day I saw Lawson dressed like Cade I knew he had crossed over to the land of little boy sameness.  Good grief - they are 8 years apart, Charity and I did not shop at the same time for these shirts and still the boys are identical.  But when Children's Place has less than a quarter of the store devoted to boys this is what you end up with....

Lawon did not was his picture taken.  Even at only 2 he was probably embarassed to be dressed like someone else :) 















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Frustration....

Seemed to be the theme to our weekend. Camryn was a mess. Jay and I finally decided she was either extremely frustrated with her current situation (lack of mobility) or very bored with her parents since Cade was gone all weekend. Actually, I think it was a little of both. She is so close to crawling, but she just isn’t quite there. When she blows out and ends up on her belly she gets frustrated. And cries….
Then she started pulling up. She can only get on her knees and then she gets frustrated. And cries…
She also discovered books this weekend. She loves to look at the pages, but she can’t turn them herself. Yup, she gets frustrated. And cries….

It was a very long weekend for us. Cade can usually keep her pretty happy, but he was gone so she was stuck with Jay and I. Jay spent a lot of time on the floor turning book pages for her. She would scream when he wasn’t quick enough to suit her. At 7:30 this morning I couldn’t take it any longer. I loaded her up and we drove around until I could take her to Stacy’s. Then she got mad when I wasn’t getting her out of the carseat quickly enough so I could give her to Stacy. I seriously think there was a look on her face that told me she was glad to be back there. The feeling was mutual this morning. There aren’t many days I’m glad I’m a working mom – but this was one of them. I didn’t fell guilty about it because Camryn seemed to be more than pleased when Stacy took her. Jay and I can’t compare to Stacy’s 3 and 5 year old girls for entertainment purposes.

I’ve been having a hard time lately juggling everything, which is completely normal, but I think our infertility is compounding the problem…like it does for so many people who had to fight through it to have their kids. We think when we finally get the baby(ies) that we want so badly everything is going to be perfect. The whole time we are waiting we cringe when we hear other mothers complain about their pregnancies and babies/kids. We cry on the inside because we want that chaos so badly and we tell ourselves we won’t complain if/when our prayers are answered. Sometimes I think as infertiles we feel we don’t have the“right” to have hard days with our kids or have these feelings of “if I don’t get 2 seconds of quiet I’m going to loose my mind”.

We think we have to endure every bit of parenting our long awaited/prayed for children with a smile on our face and happiness in our heart and by golly all of that screaming will not annoy us one little bit. I will be the perfect mother, never once complaining or being tempted to drive past the house in the evening and not stop until I run out of gas. I will never complain about being exhausted, in fact I won’t even allow myself to feel exhaustion. I will get up every hour on the hour at night to tend to our baby with smile. I will want to sit on the floor by them for hours upon end and turn book pages for them without complaint. I will never fell stressed with balancing working and eating and grocery shopping and laundry and exercising and Bible reading with a baby that wants to be held all evening long while she fights sleep by screaming. Constantly.

And then reality hits. And you find that parenting is hard no matter how the baby came to you. This is the 2nd time I’ve done this and I should’ve known better. But I didn’t. And I feel a little guilty because I am having these completely normal feelings of losing my sanity – but I shouldn’t be. This is what I wanted for years. So not only am I fighting with trying to learn new levels of normalcy at home and work, I’m mentally fighting it also. It’s hard.

So for everyone who waited years for a baby (including myself) it is ok to feel overwhelmed. It is ok to need help. It is ok to not have the perfect meal ready by 6pm every night. I would say it is ok to not get to the laundry, but it is pretty bad when someone runs out of underwear or jeans….you probably need to try to do at least a couple of loads per week…It is ok to think that if you hear that song from the toy one more time you will throw it out the window (busy, busy, busy there’s so much do to..you can learn while you’re at play….that’s the current tune running though my head). And if you figure out how to actually feel ok about all the above mentioned stuff let me know. You might have a million dollar idea.  And it doesn't help that about noon I realized I had been in such a hurry to leave the house I forgot to put tonights dinner in the crockpot.  Nice....

Tax Time

I dread dealing with our income tax every year.  Absolutely dread it.  And I hear of all these people who get theirs figured in January....really...how is that possible?  I don't even have all of the stuff I need from work and interest statements let alone my own stuff I need to find.  Every year I say I'm going to do better tracking what we give to church....like actually writing down the check number in the check book, but that lasts through March.  Instead I'm trying to match up check amounts to cleared checks from our online statements.  At least we typically write one check a month so I probably have less than 15 checks to deal with.  Now that we are paying daycare again it's something else to keep track of...or more than likely wait and deal with next February.  Life gets too busy...how it doesn't seem to get too busy for others and they can keep perfect track of everything I don't know.  Actually, those kind of people who can have theirs figured January 1 makes me a little sick.....and highly annoyed.

 I used to think it was hard when I only had to find church and daycare check numbers.  Then we started with the cattle and I had to track farm expenses.  Which basically came down to adding up a mound of feed bills and hoping that Jay got all the receipts in the designated envelope.  Oh, there has been lots of eye rolling over the years when it looks like there is a big gap in the receipt dates.  Then I'm never sure of some of the receipts we have....Like when the Amish butcher our fair chickens...is that a farm expense?  It's so complicated!

But nothing has compared to this year with the Icebox.  Jay is a great husband, a great father, a great teacher....but he stinks at anything finance related.  Which I don't understand because a big thing he teaches with FFA is record keeping.  I'm going to have to get him his own big blue book to keep at school.  When he tells the kids to update their books he'll need to work on his own.  In 2010 I kept the records up to date with the Icebox, but as you know 2011 was a different story.  I didn't do anything with the Icebox.  Which was obvious Saturday morning when I pulled out the envelope and found two receipts in it.  Two receipts....  Jay tried to tell me that was probably all there was this year.  I don't think that was the case.  Then we had to pay sales tax to the state every quarter and after a big event.  None of those got copied.  So I'm trying to gather our information and I have hardly any expenses, no idea of how much income we claimed or how much we paid in taxes to the state.  I asked Jay for his check register so I could try to find what was paid for vendor fees from that.  He didn't know where the register was.  I thought my head was going to pop off.  I will say it again, I DO NOT LIKE TAX TIME.

Over the years Cade has heard us squabbling over taxes this time of year.   Every year it makes him ask questions about taxes.  I'm sure someday he'll tell his wife that I got really crazy during February.  This year he apparently has been watching the tax return commercials because after Saturday he had some tax advice for me....
Cade:  Do you know Jackson Hewitt
Me:  Yes
Cade:  Who does our taxes
Me:  Kevin
Cade:  Why don't you use Jackson Hewitt, I think it would be easier.  Jackson Hewitt can do it.

Yeah, if only Jackson Hewitt would keep track of the receipts all year long.  I'll need to have a talk with Camryn someday.  Instead of dreaming of a tall dark and handsome husband she needs to think more practical.   She needs to dream of a tax accountant.....

Around the house today....

Today Camryn is 8 months old.  I'll do her montly stats later, but I took this picture last night and had to share.  She has started making the funniest faces, but it's hard to catch her with the camera. 

I picked Cade up from school yesterday.  The first thing he told me was that he learned how to add music to his power points and how to pixilate (no idea of the spelling).  I think I have some more power point presentations in my future this weekend.

Adoption

It's been awhile since I've talked about adoption here.  I think we are slowly starting to realize that Camryn is really ours now.  No more waiting on emails or phone calls or worrying about going on vacation and missing a chance to be shown.  It's been slow to sink in.  I guess when waiting has been such a large/long part of your life it will take some time to realize you aren't doing it any more. 

But just because the wait is over doesn't mean the adoption part is over.   Sometimes I get comments from people, who I know mean well, but they seem to think that because we are done with the agency means we are done with adoption.  Hello...Camryn is adopted.  It will always be a part of our life.

 How much of a role it will play in our day to day lives is still to be determined.   Jay and I don't talk about it much now, but as Camryn gets older and can understand we will talk about it more.  I think there is a fine line that you have to balance.  I want her to know that we will talk about it as much or as little as she wants, I want her to feel comfortable and secure in her place in our family but I don't want adoption to define her.  I don't want her to feel like she always has to tell people she is adopted, or stand out as the "adopted" girl in her class.  My #1 prayer for her is that she will view adoption as just a part of what makes Camryn Camryn...much like her hair and eye color and the sound of her voice.  Just one of those things that mixed together make us who we are.  I'm not smart enough to know how to do that so I pray.  A lot.

We also signed an agreement to provide the agency with monthly updates her first year and then yearly after that.  A popular statement made by others since finalization has been "you aren't going to do those any more are you".  Yes, I'm still doing the monthly updates.  Jay and I agreed to do it and we plan to uphold that.  No, I'm not real speedy with them.  Since I know that Camryn's birthfamily isn't reading them I don't feel as much pressure to get them there quickly, but they are getting done.  I feel that it could be important for Camryn someday to see that we made every effort we could with her birthfamily.  I  know that C, Camryn's birthmom knows that at anytime she can contact the agency to see them.  If she does decide to do that someday I want them to be up to date.  I don't want either C or Camryn to think we quit thinking about it once we got what we "wanted". 

Adoption definitely adds a different aspect to parenting.  Besides all the normal issues this adds a whole bunch of other things to think about.  There isn't hardly a day that goes by that I don't think about Camryn's birthfamily.  I do wish I knew them.  I wish I could talk to them so I could get an idea of their personalities, their likes/dislikes, their talents, etc.  I really wish I had some pictures of them.  I have to think that Camryn will wonder who she looks like some day.  I would love to have something to show her.  Also, after she was sick last week, I started thinking more about her health history.  I feel like we have a decent history of what her birthfamily knew up to when she was born, but with no contact it doesn't go beyond that.  I can't ask them questions if issues were to come up.  But then I did try to twist it into a mental positive.  Maybe that will be a good thing someday?  How many times have health issues been overlooked because there wasn't a family history of it?  It is like Camryn has a blank slate so a doctor won't be able to just assume anything.

 But there is also a totally selfish part that is glad I'm not dealing with a birthfamily.  It's a small part but it is there (don't hate me, just being honest).  I'm struggling with working full time, taking care of the household duties and having a baby.  I think it's hitting me even harder this time than it did with Cade because I didn't think it would be bad.  That could be a whole other post of its own, but I thought I was more prepared this time (wrong!!!).  With all of the normal day to day life stuff I can't imagine having to arrange visits and keeping the birthfamily up to date right now.  I know that if we had an open adoption I'd manage it - it's just hard to imagine it right now. 

It is a sad day for the boys....

Because DGB signed with MU this morning. I'm not sure how Cade will take the news. I assume he will ask Jay as soon as he gets to the high school this afternoon.

I even listened to the radio this morning to hear his pick. Not that you could actually hear it with all the screaming. I figured it had to be MU with as wild as the crowd got. I decided I might as well listen to history in the making. It's not every day that someone in our little area of the state has ESPN at their high school. I've also been more interested in following him since Jay told me he was adopted. And since I've heard about it non-stop for weeks I needed to hear the decision with my own ears. Kind of a closing the chapter type deal I guess. 

As for choosing MU over Arkansas I'm sure he has his reasons.....I'm just not an MU person. Not that it has anything to do with Arkansas. It is more from my own college days in the MSU Ag Department. Black & Gold...YUCK!!! But I don't hold it against my friends and family who have gone to MU :)

I'm just pretty sure though we won't ever have to worry about Cade going to MU. More than likely he is going to hold a grudge against all things Mizzou for quite some time...


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