Wednesday, July 27, 2011

1st Post Placement Visit and Monthly Update

We had our first post placement visit last Tuesday. It went well, not that I thought it would go any differently. I really like Jamie so it was nice to talk to her again. Of course Camryn was her usual cute self. Jamie will come back In September then the first part of December. After that and we finalize December 21 we are done!!!

Writing the monthly update letter was a lot harder than I thought it would be. For one thing she was only six weeks old...she eats, smiles a little then sleeps again. There's not much to report. She has also started responding to voices. If you talk softly to her she will "talk" back if she is in the right mood. But I almost hated to put that in the report. I really doubt that C will read these updates but she knows they are there. I really hope she does see them someday, but I felt guilty writing it. If she reads it I don't want to make her feel worse by thinking it should be her voice Camryn is responding to. Ugh this hard! I ended up sticking to the basics...height weight and her eating & sleeping patterns. When I talked about development I tried to put it in really generic terms if that makes sense. I didn't put that she responds to her mommy's voice or anything like that. I also stated again that if they change their minds about our openess our door will always be open.

What I really wanted to say was that I'm so sorry for these circumstances, I'd love to give you a hug, I think about you every day and I pray for you every day....but then I also have a feeling of possessiveness come over me. Camryn is our baby. The thought of her being with any other family takes my breath away. In fact I've had two dreams in the last two weeks where her bio family takes her back (which can't happen) but I've still woke up sweating and have a hard time going back to sleep.

Adoption comes with so many emotions and different obstacles to tackle along the way. One big problem with a closed adoption is that if I don't stay on top of some of these thoughts and feelings it would be easy to shelve them
And ignore the whole adoption aspect right now. I definitely don't want that to happen. She is adopted and it's something we don't want to ignore because before we know it she will be asking questions. We all have to be prepared for that. I know this will all work itself out along the way....but there are definitely a lot of thoughts and feelings to sort through.

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1 comment:

Rachel said...

Love your honesty, Crystal. <3