Yesterday while C was home sick we watched Pearl Harbor and
Gone With the Wind
He was a little upset because the Blue Coats didn't have a larger role in the movie. I tried explaining it was a movie about the South, but he didn't seem to really like my answer. He was also a little disappointed because there weren't quite enough battle scenes to suit him. I asked if he wanted me to turn it off but he didn't. He watched it almost to the end and then he fell asleep. I don't think J's even watched the entire movie.
Friday, October 19, 2007
It's Official...
We have a history nerd in our family!
On Tuesday C came home with a picture of a penny that they had colored, cut out, glued together and put on a string to wear around their necks. He told J that he had told Mrs L that Abraham Lincoln was alive during the Civil War. When I got home I asked him about it and that was about all he would tell me about what he told his teacher. I reminded him that Abraham Lincoln was President during the war. He looked at me like I was stupid and said "I know that Mom".
We kept him home today to make sure he's over the flu, so Sharon is watching him. J talked to Mrs L today so we could make sure we haven't missed any important notes or anything. She told J more about what happened the day the kids made their pennies.
She started talking about the penny and C told her he knew all about Abraham Lincoln. She invited him to stand up and share what he knew. He told the class that one night Abraham Lincoln went to a theatre (pronounced thayter) and there was a bad guy in there that went BANG (I'm sure he acted that part out) and killed Abraham Lincoln. Abraham Lincoln was our 16th President and he was the President during the Civil War.
No wonder he looked at me like I was stupid the other night, he knew he was the 16th President. I wasn't even sure what number he was. We did see Ford's Theatre while we were in DC. If only C would've developed this obsession a month earlier he really would've enjoyed seeing that and Gettysburg while we were on vacation.
Mrs. L told J this story in front of Miss B the other K teacher, who happened to be C's summer school teacher. Miss B said C is always telling her some history fact. Mrs L agreed and said he's always telling her something and then she'll Google it to make sure he's correct, which he is. A couple of weeks ago C met a substitute teacher at the high school and they talked for a long time about the Sultana explosion. It was a steamboat that was overloaded after the Civil War that exploded. I watched that on the History Channel with C one day and he's never forgot it. I on the other hand just had to Google Steamboat Explosions to remember the name of the boat.
On Tuesday C came home with a picture of a penny that they had colored, cut out, glued together and put on a string to wear around their necks. He told J that he had told Mrs L that Abraham Lincoln was alive during the Civil War. When I got home I asked him about it and that was about all he would tell me about what he told his teacher. I reminded him that Abraham Lincoln was President during the war. He looked at me like I was stupid and said "I know that Mom".
We kept him home today to make sure he's over the flu, so Sharon is watching him. J talked to Mrs L today so we could make sure we haven't missed any important notes or anything. She told J more about what happened the day the kids made their pennies.
She started talking about the penny and C told her he knew all about Abraham Lincoln. She invited him to stand up and share what he knew. He told the class that one night Abraham Lincoln went to a theatre (pronounced thayter) and there was a bad guy in there that went BANG (I'm sure he acted that part out) and killed Abraham Lincoln. Abraham Lincoln was our 16th President and he was the President during the Civil War.
No wonder he looked at me like I was stupid the other night, he knew he was the 16th President. I wasn't even sure what number he was. We did see Ford's Theatre while we were in DC. If only C would've developed this obsession a month earlier he really would've enjoyed seeing that and Gettysburg while we were on vacation.
Mrs. L told J this story in front of Miss B the other K teacher, who happened to be C's summer school teacher. Miss B said C is always telling her some history fact. Mrs L agreed and said he's always telling her something and then she'll Google it to make sure he's correct, which he is. A couple of weeks ago C met a substitute teacher at the high school and they talked for a long time about the Sultana explosion. It was a steamboat that was overloaded after the Civil War that exploded. I watched that on the History Channel with C one day and he's never forgot it. I on the other hand just had to Google Steamboat Explosions to remember the name of the boat.
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Changing Our Adoption Language
I'm home today because C has the stomach flu. J got it Monday night, C got it Wednesday night, things aren't looking good for me tomorrow night. I am so tired of someone in our house being sick. I think someone (mostly me and J) has been sick every week since the end of August. It hasn't been this bad since C was a baby the fall of 2002. I'm wondering if C is carrying a bunch of new germs home and infecting us? I hope things turn around here quickly.
The family that we heard on Saturday had a letter included in our notebooks that the agency gave us. It had some good ideas on how to handle questions from others about adoption. She also shows how to change our language to make adoption positive and not something that sounds negative. None of us are familiar with this process so we need to be educating ourselves as much as possible. We have an opportunity to become advocates for adoption and adoption educators every time we discuss this situation with someone else. Most people have good intentions, they just don't realize how some of their questions/comments come across. This is our (when I say our I mean our entire family Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, friends, etc)chance to educate them on what a miracle adoption is.
My and J's goal is to have our children (including C) grow up knowing how much of a blessing they are and how blessed we are to experience the best of both worlds. I think the hard part for me will be wanting to tell everyone my child is adopted just because of how great it is, but yet not making adoption be the first thing someone thinks of when my child is mentioned. It's going to take some work to figure out the balance.
Ways to turn negative into positive or just to avoid uncomfortable situations:
The baby is given up or put up for adoption.....Say the baby is placed for adoption or the birthparents made an adoption plan
What about her Real Mother/Father.....Say, you mean Birthparent
Birthparent kept the baby.....Birthparent chose to parent the baby
Natural Parent....Biological parent
Where did all that red (black, brown, etc) hair come from.....Say it runs in the family
Do they have real siblings....Say you mean Biological siblings. C will be their brother, any biological siblings will be referred to as biological.
This next one is a big one for those adopted and adoptive parents. People are just curious by nature. A common question is what is the baby's story. People will want details on how the child came to be placed for adoption. This is something that is very private and not everyone needs to know the full story. We will even have to sign an agreement with our agency saying we will keep this information private. Once we know the whole story J and I will choose what others need to know. The rest will wait until our child is old enough to understand then it will be their decision to share their story with who they want. It is important when you are asked by others to explain that every baby has a story and once ours is old enough they will share it with who they want.
On Saturday the 16 year old girl was asked how she felt about adoption and she summed it up this way. If her earthly family loves and accepts her this much even if she isn't their biological child - she knows how much greater her heavenly father loves and accepts her.
The family that we heard on Saturday had a letter included in our notebooks that the agency gave us. It had some good ideas on how to handle questions from others about adoption. She also shows how to change our language to make adoption positive and not something that sounds negative. None of us are familiar with this process so we need to be educating ourselves as much as possible. We have an opportunity to become advocates for adoption and adoption educators every time we discuss this situation with someone else. Most people have good intentions, they just don't realize how some of their questions/comments come across. This is our (when I say our I mean our entire family Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, friends, etc)chance to educate them on what a miracle adoption is.
My and J's goal is to have our children (including C) grow up knowing how much of a blessing they are and how blessed we are to experience the best of both worlds. I think the hard part for me will be wanting to tell everyone my child is adopted just because of how great it is, but yet not making adoption be the first thing someone thinks of when my child is mentioned. It's going to take some work to figure out the balance.
Ways to turn negative into positive or just to avoid uncomfortable situations:
The baby is given up or put up for adoption.....Say the baby is placed for adoption or the birthparents made an adoption plan
What about her Real Mother/Father.....Say, you mean Birthparent
Birthparent kept the baby.....Birthparent chose to parent the baby
Natural Parent....Biological parent
Where did all that red (black, brown, etc) hair come from.....Say it runs in the family
Do they have real siblings....Say you mean Biological siblings. C will be their brother, any biological siblings will be referred to as biological.
This next one is a big one for those adopted and adoptive parents. People are just curious by nature. A common question is what is the baby's story. People will want details on how the child came to be placed for adoption. This is something that is very private and not everyone needs to know the full story. We will even have to sign an agreement with our agency saying we will keep this information private. Once we know the whole story J and I will choose what others need to know. The rest will wait until our child is old enough to understand then it will be their decision to share their story with who they want. It is important when you are asked by others to explain that every baby has a story and once ours is old enough they will share it with who they want.
On Saturday the 16 year old girl was asked how she felt about adoption and she summed it up this way. If her earthly family loves and accepts her this much even if she isn't their biological child - she knows how much greater her heavenly father loves and accepts her.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
The Adoption Triad
In adoption circles you hear/read alot about the Adoption Triad. This is a triangle used to describe the role that birth parents and adoptive parents have in the life of the child. The triangle is labeled with the child at the top and the two sets of parents at each end on the bottom. Putting the parents an the equal plane at the bottom represents that they are both equally important in the child's life. One is not higher than the other, they are both equal.
Birth mothers are more than just a 9 month incubator. They are not to be regarded as someone who found having a baby to be a disruption and therefore "gave it away". They should be looked at as someone who loved their child so much and wanted more than they could provide for their baby so they decided to make an adoption plan. They have chosen to make one of the hardest decisions in their life for what they feel is in the best interest of their child. The father of the family we heard on Saturday had a good analogy to use when he was asked how could someone do that. His response is, how could God send his only son to be raised by someone else and then crucified to save a world who doesn't always appreciate the sacrifice? He did it because his love for us is so much more then we can even begin to comprehend.
J and I have a little different opinions on how to approach our adoption. We are both in agreement that we would like it to be semi-open, but we have been differing on what exactly that means to both of us. We are both completely open to sharing pictures and letters for the entire life of the child. We are also open to exchanging gifts on holidays and birthdays. I'm also open to having agency facilitated meetings with the birth mother, depending on the situation. J is not quite as sure about that. We compromised and said we would agree on those terms on a case by case basis. It also would depend on how the child would react at those meetings. If it is stressful for them, we obviously would have to look at doing things differently. The family from Saturday has never met their birth families. The parents would love to meet them, but so far the birth families haven't wanted to. The mom and dad said they would love to meet the families so they can tell them thank you. You could tell by listening to the family how much love and respect they had for the birth parents.
When we've mentioned semi-open adoption we've had some people inform us that we'd have to meet the birth parents. We've done our research and we know what it means. The birth parents are not someone who should be feared in an adoption. Sometimes they get stereotyped as a big monster just waiting to swoop in and take the babies back, which isn't usually the case. I know there are TV specials that say differently, but remember those are a small part of the total number of adoptions that take place. The birth parents are someone who will always be shown respect in our family. When our other family members speak about them, they need to be referred to with respect. If it weren't for the birth parents we would not be able to be a part of this wonderful experience.
Another thing we all need to remember is that an adoption is one of those happy/sad times. We are happy because we are getting another member in our family. The birth family is experiencing one of the saddest times of their lives. They are placing their child with someone else to raise. This will create a huge hole in their lives that will never totally heal. For being willing to do this, they deserve our admiration and respect.
The family from Saturday also told us how their daughter handled the traditional family tree project at school, which really sums up the Birth Family/Adoptive Family roles. The adoptive family is the branches of the tree and the roots of the tree are the birth family. The tree couldn't survive without it's roots and it can become strong and beautiful with the support of both the roots and the branches.
Birth mothers are more than just a 9 month incubator. They are not to be regarded as someone who found having a baby to be a disruption and therefore "gave it away". They should be looked at as someone who loved their child so much and wanted more than they could provide for their baby so they decided to make an adoption plan. They have chosen to make one of the hardest decisions in their life for what they feel is in the best interest of their child. The father of the family we heard on Saturday had a good analogy to use when he was asked how could someone do that. His response is, how could God send his only son to be raised by someone else and then crucified to save a world who doesn't always appreciate the sacrifice? He did it because his love for us is so much more then we can even begin to comprehend.
J and I have a little different opinions on how to approach our adoption. We are both in agreement that we would like it to be semi-open, but we have been differing on what exactly that means to both of us. We are both completely open to sharing pictures and letters for the entire life of the child. We are also open to exchanging gifts on holidays and birthdays. I'm also open to having agency facilitated meetings with the birth mother, depending on the situation. J is not quite as sure about that. We compromised and said we would agree on those terms on a case by case basis. It also would depend on how the child would react at those meetings. If it is stressful for them, we obviously would have to look at doing things differently. The family from Saturday has never met their birth families. The parents would love to meet them, but so far the birth families haven't wanted to. The mom and dad said they would love to meet the families so they can tell them thank you. You could tell by listening to the family how much love and respect they had for the birth parents.
When we've mentioned semi-open adoption we've had some people inform us that we'd have to meet the birth parents. We've done our research and we know what it means. The birth parents are not someone who should be feared in an adoption. Sometimes they get stereotyped as a big monster just waiting to swoop in and take the babies back, which isn't usually the case. I know there are TV specials that say differently, but remember those are a small part of the total number of adoptions that take place. The birth parents are someone who will always be shown respect in our family. When our other family members speak about them, they need to be referred to with respect. If it weren't for the birth parents we would not be able to be a part of this wonderful experience.
Another thing we all need to remember is that an adoption is one of those happy/sad times. We are happy because we are getting another member in our family. The birth family is experiencing one of the saddest times of their lives. They are placing their child with someone else to raise. This will create a huge hole in their lives that will never totally heal. For being willing to do this, they deserve our admiration and respect.
The family from Saturday also told us how their daughter handled the traditional family tree project at school, which really sums up the Birth Family/Adoptive Family roles. The adoptive family is the branches of the tree and the roots of the tree are the birth family. The tree couldn't survive without it's roots and it can become strong and beautiful with the support of both the roots and the branches.
Monday, October 15, 2007
More Adoption Thoughts
I think sometimes when people hear about families who have gone through infertility and then adopted their first instinct is to feel sorry for them. I can say I'm 100% sure that those families don't want you to feel sorry for them. They want you to know what a blessing those children are and how blessed they feel to be their parents. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for us or feel like we "deserved" to have another biological baby. We are way past the stage of grieving the loss of "what might have been" and are looking forward to the day we get the call from our agency. I've always said that I wouldn't wish the feelings of infertility on anyone, but now I wish everyone could feel how we feel now. We feel that God has blessed us by letting us experience two of the greatest miracles a person can have. The first one is C - I'm so lucky to have been able to experience a pregnancy and the miracle of his birth. The second one is the miracle of adoption. I am so thankful that God is allowing us to experience the best of both worlds.
Adoption is something that most don't think about until they become directly involved in it. J and I talked this weekend about if we had ever in our lives thought about adoption before this point. J had never thought about it at all. I on the other hand had given it some thought when I was younger. From a young age I always wondered if I would be able to have children, I'm not sure why, just a feeling that I had that it may not be so easy for me. I remember thinking that when I turned 30 (because at 14 that seemed so old) if I wasn't married or didn't have any children I would adopt. I also remember in High School seeing a 20/20 special on orphanages in Romania and I wanted to get on the next plane and bringing all of those babies back. I think God placed those early feelings for adoption on my heart at a young age for a reason.
Lack of education is a large problem when it comes to adoption. I think that is in someways why a persons first reaction may be to feel sorry for those who couldn't have biological children. I know lack of education is what held me back from domestic adoption in the beginning. I was scared of birthparents being able to come back at any time to take the baby. I learned after our initial meeting at Bethany that was false. There are a lot of adoption myths floating around that keep people from knowing what a great God thing adoption is. The myths then tend to cause fear in those who don't understand it. I know that our families are hesitant about our adoption because they don't want to see us get hurt when an adoption falls through. Notice I say when and not if. We are prepared to have at least one adoption where the mother decides to parent, it is normal for every family to experience at least one loss during the adoption process. We are prepared for that loss because we will know that was not the child God had in mind for us. I'm not saying we won't be upset and that there won't be any tears shed, but we will remember that God does have a plan. We've seen his plan unfolding up to this point and we know he won't let us down.
I'll finish this post with a neat story from the family at the training on Saturday. When they were waiting for their second child they had an adoption loss. They actually had two birthmothers decide to parent within a month, but this story is about the second one. They were supposed to be picking up the baby that day when they got the call that the birthmother had decided to parent. They had everything ready and had even named him Matthew James. Of course the family was devastated. The mother spent some time deeply upset and just mad about it. One day her mother-in-law (the grandma at the meeting) told her that she prayed for Matthew James every day. It hit the mother then that her mother-in-law may have been the only one praying for Matthew James. The mother wasn't praying for him, she had been upset and only thinking about her loss. She realized that God gave them that loss so that little boy would have someone to pray for him. They knew the situation he was in wasn't a good one and if they hadn't had that loss Matthew more than likely wouldn't have had anyone praying for him. Within a few months the family was able to adopt their second child, which was the child God had in mind for them.
Adoption is something that most don't think about until they become directly involved in it. J and I talked this weekend about if we had ever in our lives thought about adoption before this point. J had never thought about it at all. I on the other hand had given it some thought when I was younger. From a young age I always wondered if I would be able to have children, I'm not sure why, just a feeling that I had that it may not be so easy for me. I remember thinking that when I turned 30 (because at 14 that seemed so old) if I wasn't married or didn't have any children I would adopt. I also remember in High School seeing a 20/20 special on orphanages in Romania and I wanted to get on the next plane and bringing all of those babies back. I think God placed those early feelings for adoption on my heart at a young age for a reason.
Lack of education is a large problem when it comes to adoption. I think that is in someways why a persons first reaction may be to feel sorry for those who couldn't have biological children. I know lack of education is what held me back from domestic adoption in the beginning. I was scared of birthparents being able to come back at any time to take the baby. I learned after our initial meeting at Bethany that was false. There are a lot of adoption myths floating around that keep people from knowing what a great God thing adoption is. The myths then tend to cause fear in those who don't understand it. I know that our families are hesitant about our adoption because they don't want to see us get hurt when an adoption falls through. Notice I say when and not if. We are prepared to have at least one adoption where the mother decides to parent, it is normal for every family to experience at least one loss during the adoption process. We are prepared for that loss because we will know that was not the child God had in mind for us. I'm not saying we won't be upset and that there won't be any tears shed, but we will remember that God does have a plan. We've seen his plan unfolding up to this point and we know he won't let us down.
I'll finish this post with a neat story from the family at the training on Saturday. When they were waiting for their second child they had an adoption loss. They actually had two birthmothers decide to parent within a month, but this story is about the second one. They were supposed to be picking up the baby that day when they got the call that the birthmother had decided to parent. They had everything ready and had even named him Matthew James. Of course the family was devastated. The mother spent some time deeply upset and just mad about it. One day her mother-in-law (the grandma at the meeting) told her that she prayed for Matthew James every day. It hit the mother then that her mother-in-law may have been the only one praying for Matthew James. The mother wasn't praying for him, she had been upset and only thinking about her loss. She realized that God gave them that loss so that little boy would have someone to pray for him. They knew the situation he was in wasn't a good one and if they hadn't had that loss Matthew more than likely wouldn't have had anyone praying for him. Within a few months the family was able to adopt their second child, which was the child God had in mind for them.
Thoughts on Adoption
At our training this past Saturday we heard from another couple who adopted two children. The children are now 16 and 12 and they seemed to be great kids. This family was the best part of both of the sessions that we've been to. J and I could've listened to them for the entire 5 hours we were there on Saturday. They also brought along one of the grandma's so we got to also hear some comments from her which was great. I wish everyone in our family could talk to them because it just reinforced our decision to adopt. J and I feel so strongly about what we are doing and even though our families are both supportive we wish you could hear this family. It's hard for me to describe everything that we feel about this experience and this family managed to put it all into words. Adoption is a calling from God. It is nothing short of amazing to be in a room with 15 other Christian couples all in different stages of the adoption process. Some are adopting Internationally, some are adopting Domestically, but all of us know in our heart that God has a special child in mind for us. We're just waiting for His perfect timing to be matched with him or her.
I want to devote some posts to adoption and try to explain some of the feelings that led us to this decision. I was going through some of the information that our agency sent us when we first contacted them. One of the things was a checklist to see if you were ready to adopt. Here are some of the things we considered in the very beginning:
1. Are you losing energy to pursue further fertility treatments - YES
2. In many ways would it be a relief to stop trying to conceive - YES
3. Have you tried every medical option with which you feel comfortable, yet experienced no success - YES
4. Are you willing to make yourself vulnerable to someone else's judgement - YES, this one took some time to get used to
5. Have you grieved the loss of the child you had hoped to conceive (vitally important question)- YES, we spent two years doing this
6. Do you find yourself spending more and more time thinking about and talking about adoption - YES
7. Do you and your spouse both feel adoption is a positive option - YES
8. Can you look over the following list of wrong reasons to adopt and conclude these are not the reasons you want to adopt - YES
We will be doing the poor child a favor, Other children will have a playmate, We have been through a difficult infertility experience and we deserve a baby, Raising a baby will help our marriage, Having a baby to love will make me feel completed and loved
All of the answers to these questions were YES for us. I was thinking yesterday that I don't really think of us as being infertile anymore. There was a time where it consumed almost every thought that I had, but there are days that go by now and I don't even think about it. I've said in previous posts that I don't want to forget about it (which I won't), but it's nice not to think about it quite as much.
I want to devote some posts to adoption and try to explain some of the feelings that led us to this decision. I was going through some of the information that our agency sent us when we first contacted them. One of the things was a checklist to see if you were ready to adopt. Here are some of the things we considered in the very beginning:
1. Are you losing energy to pursue further fertility treatments - YES
2. In many ways would it be a relief to stop trying to conceive - YES
3. Have you tried every medical option with which you feel comfortable, yet experienced no success - YES
4. Are you willing to make yourself vulnerable to someone else's judgement - YES, this one took some time to get used to
5. Have you grieved the loss of the child you had hoped to conceive (vitally important question)- YES, we spent two years doing this
6. Do you find yourself spending more and more time thinking about and talking about adoption - YES
7. Do you and your spouse both feel adoption is a positive option - YES
8. Can you look over the following list of wrong reasons to adopt and conclude these are not the reasons you want to adopt - YES
We will be doing the poor child a favor, Other children will have a playmate, We have been through a difficult infertility experience and we deserve a baby, Raising a baby will help our marriage, Having a baby to love will make me feel completed and loved
All of the answers to these questions were YES for us. I was thinking yesterday that I don't really think of us as being infertile anymore. There was a time where it consumed almost every thought that I had, but there are days that go by now and I don't even think about it. I've said in previous posts that I don't want to forget about it (which I won't), but it's nice not to think about it quite as much.
Saturday, October 13, 2007
....and the wait begins...
Today we had our last training meeting with our agency. We received a certificate saying we had completed 10 hours of training which certifies us to be our baby's foster parents. It also completes the requirements of our agency to be able to adopt. We took our profiles with us and delivered them to the agency. That means we are officially waiting. There is nothing else for us to do except read a few required books and figure out how we will pay for it. We found out today there will be some extra expenses involved that we hadn't counted on. You might add that to your prayer list, I had the actual adoption fees figured out, but this extra is throwing me. Especially since there is no way of knowing an exact amount until it's time to pay them. It just includes legal fees and other expenses like if the baby stays in another foster care home before we bring it home. Things that are necessary, but I just hadn't thought about them.
So I guess our official wait time begins today. It's kind of hard for me to determine an actual wait time, because we really have been waiting for a long time already. Of course you can find anything on the web, so I found a ticker to commerate our waiting time - I just don't know which one to use. The first one is our wait time since we've turned in the profile.
This ticker is counting the days since we found out we could start the adoption process.
This ticker is how long it's been since we attended our first adoption meeting with our agency.
This ticker may explain why I almost crawled over the counter at Kinkos. This is how long this whole process of adding another child to our family has taken. I look at this and remember the times I thought the pain was never going to end, but in a way it's hard to believe it's been 2+ years. In another way it's hard to believe that it's only been 2+ years. I think I've forgotten what life was like before we decided we wanted another baby.
Parts of this whole journey have drug by and other parts have flown by. If I'd have known back in June of 2005 what was ahead I don't know that I would've been able to go through it. There were times in the middle that I didn't think I'd make it, but somehow I did. That was such a painful time, but now I wouldn't change anything about our wait. We still have plenty of waiting ahead of us, but for me it's a different kind of wait. There are times that it is probably going to seem pretty long, but I know someday soon I'll look into my baby's eyes and all of this won't matter. I'll know I waited x number of years for that baby. I won't ever forget the wait, and I don't want to , because it was all part of this wonderful journey that God allowed my family to be a part of.
So I guess our official wait time begins today. It's kind of hard for me to determine an actual wait time, because we really have been waiting for a long time already. Of course you can find anything on the web, so I found a ticker to commerate our waiting time - I just don't know which one to use. The first one is our wait time since we've turned in the profile.
This ticker is counting the days since we found out we could start the adoption process.
This ticker is how long it's been since we attended our first adoption meeting with our agency.
This ticker may explain why I almost crawled over the counter at Kinkos. This is how long this whole process of adding another child to our family has taken. I look at this and remember the times I thought the pain was never going to end, but in a way it's hard to believe it's been 2+ years. In another way it's hard to believe that it's only been 2+ years. I think I've forgotten what life was like before we decided we wanted another baby.
Parts of this whole journey have drug by and other parts have flown by. If I'd have known back in June of 2005 what was ahead I don't know that I would've been able to go through it. There were times in the middle that I didn't think I'd make it, but somehow I did. That was such a painful time, but now I wouldn't change anything about our wait. We still have plenty of waiting ahead of us, but for me it's a different kind of wait. There are times that it is probably going to seem pretty long, but I know someday soon I'll look into my baby's eyes and all of this won't matter. I'll know I waited x number of years for that baby. I won't ever forget the wait, and I don't want to , because it was all part of this wonderful journey that God allowed my family to be a part of.
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