Tuesday, September 1, 2015

Support Hose and Chainsaws

I'm going to really try to keep our blog updated more.  In the blogging world there have been two young mothers who have passed away in the last few weeks.  In all the conversations on social media the prevailing comments made have been...what a legacy those blogs will be for their kids.  I don't even pretend to think I'm in the same league as those bloggers, but there is some truth to that.  I also don't pretend that I write about the same things that they did, but what I do write is a remembrance for our own family.  I'm not a flowery person and I don't write with a lot of purpose - except to remember the funny day to day things that our family goes through.  I guess in itself that is the legacy I would want to leave.  I know my kids know that I love them, but I also want them to remember that mom had a good sense of humor and could laugh at most of the absurd things that happened around the house.  Do we have more weird things happen to us than others?  I doubt it, but trying to see the humor in what does happen is maybe a gift that I have?  Again, I'm not kidding myself.  Some things just aren't funny (like the time Jay told me I was getting grandma arms) and I don't laugh all of the time.  But eventually most things do become funny.  It also helps that Jay is a willing partner in all of it.  His dry sense of humor has always been a big part of helping me to springboard in to a funny story.  So here is just another day in the life.....

I have fought some varicose veins for the last 10 years.  My left leg looks terrible and the calf on my right leg swells all of the time.  Some days my legs ache so bad that when I get home the only thing I want to do is lay on the couch.  Since we've met our deductible this year I've decided 2015 is the year I get my veins fixed.  Not only are they somewhat of an eyesore and honestly a confidence buster - but they just plain hurt.  It's like being 38 with the legs of a 80 year old.  Last week I had my first appointment and the first order of business was purchasing support hose.  Mostly that was for insurance purposes, but I do intend to wear them.  Once we get into jean, leggings and boot weather I plan to wear them most days.  Sunday during church my calf swelled again and I was just uncomfortable.  I decided to try on the support stockings when we got home. 

These are actually thigh highs, which deciding between actual pantyhose and thigh highs was a conflict in its self.  I didn't want to pull a full pair of hose up every day, but I wasn't sure how thigh highs would look.  Since they are supposed to be tighter I was afraid it would push all my leg fat up and you'd be able to see a definite line where the hose ended and my fat started.  Much like an undie line only around my legs.  Also, imagine my surprise when I pulled the thigh highs out and discovered a lace band around the top.  I guess they were trying to "sex" them up?  I got them on without the struggle that I was warned about and then just put on running shorts.  So imagine running shorts, exposed skin, lace band and then hose....and I put on my house shoes so I wouldn't put a runner in the feet. 

I hold very fast to the rule that Sunday is the day of rest.  I like a good Sunday afternoon nap.  After lunch me and my thigh highs settled in for a nap.  Jay went out to do all of the things Jay likes to do on Sunday's.  I woke up to the tall ladder being on our deck and the sound of Jay on the roof.  I knew then Jay was trimming trees.  Of course all kinds of scenes from Christmas Vacation flashed through my head.  I should also mention that we have new neighbors....

I was transferring laundry when I heard the loudest crash from off the roof.  My heart stopped and I tore out the garage door fully expecting to see Jay's broken body on the ground.  Instead I saw the chainsaw but no Jay.  In fact I never laid eyes on Jay  during this exchange.

Me:  JAY are you ok?
J: Yeah
Me:  My gawd get down off the roof.  This is one of the dumbest things you've done.  It's ridiculous.  Call a tree trimmer tomorrow!
J: Ok (He'd never admit it but I think he realized standing on the roof with a chainsaw wasn't the best idea)

A few minutes later he still wasn't off the roof so this time I went out the back door.

Me:  Are you getting down now?  It's time to get down.  We can afford a tree trimmer but I can't afford for you to die or maybe worse yet become permanently incapacitated.
J:  All right, hold the ladder
Me:  Now that you are down do you realize what else this caused?  I'm outside in my support hose.  Do you realize that if the ambulance had came I would've forgot to take these things off and they would've seen me like this?  Also, the new neighbors probably saw me and heard me yelling.
J:  I was just trying to make sure the satellite had a clear signal......

Later I thought the only thing missing in that exchange was me holding a cigarette and can of beer and rollers in my hair.  My sister reminded me of a very similar exchange involving Grammy and Granddad, knee highs, a Mumu and the garage roof ( minus this beer and cigarette's of course).  Yup, I knew I has having a flashback Sunday afternoon! 


Charity said...

I can just visualize how all this went down!

Anonymous said...

I just can't get past Crystal's outfit. I bet the Library lady would love to see you in that.

Love, Mom.