Wednesday, November 12, 2014

November is Adoption Awareness Month

It's been quite some time since I wrote any sort of heartfelt adoption post. We are just a little over a month away from Camryn's 3 year finalization anniversary. In some ways it is hard to believe that she is old enough to have been in our family 3 1/2 years. In other ways I can't hardly remember a time when she wasn't with us. I haven't forget (and I pray I never do) what that pain was like while we waited. All it takes is one Facebook comment from someone struggling with the same pain to bring it all back to me because I hurt so much for them. But thankfully that's not my normal day to day life anymore.  There are only a couple of blogs that I even read anymore that are adoption related.  Both families got babies around the same time that Camryn was born and they are back to waiting for a 2nd child.  I like to keep up with them, but that is about the extent of my adoption reading these days.  Of course unless you count Rosie's Family (a personal favorite),  Tell Me Again About the Night I was Born, A Mother for Choco or GodFound Us You.
With it being Adoption Awareness month though I’m seeing a lot more adoption related posts on Facebook and other places.  A lot of them are positive stories, but with every positive story there are just as many (if not more) stories that paint adoption so negatively.  I get so tired of it.  It wears me out to read the rants that some people have about adoption.  I shouldn’t be surprised, but I still am every time some writes (or says something) about their adoption beliefs and they act like that is the only way to be.  If someone dares to have a different thought or feeling about it then they are called out as being insensitive or clueless to the pain for the members of the adoption triad, etc.  When did we become a nation of such self righteous, unbending, uncompromising, unwilling to listen to a different opinion than our own, type of people? 

There are people who are out to save the world one adoption comment at a time.  We need to be sensitive to birthfamilies…don’t forget the birthdad’s…..the adoptees will be scared forever… you use the term real family or don’t use real family (I read two different articles on that alone yesterday).  No wonder those who aren’t familiar with adoption don’t know what to do or what to say.  Those in the triad can’t even agree on what is correct. 

Do you see how this is exhausting and discouraging to someone like me?  I’m so busy trying to be a mom to my two miracles (one from birth and one from adoption) that I don’t have time to analyze every word I say.  I can’t even master my laundry.  I don’t have it in me to be a crusader for adoption by putting every poor grocery store cashier or person in line behind me in Target in their place when they say (while looking at me) “she looks like her mom.”   I just smile and say thank you.  It’s really more of a compliment to me because I think Camryn is just pretty darn cute.  Who wouldn’t want to look like her?  But in adoption circles I’d be considered not doing it right. 
But instead of worrying about it I take Elsa’s advice and Let it Go!!!  I just go through my day doing the best that I can.  And then sometimes I get lucky and I come across and article like this.  It makes me feel like I can do this, my daughter won’t be screwed up AND there are still normal people in the world who don’t get their panties in a wad.  It is refreshing

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