Some Good Things….

I'll admit I've been somewhat down the last few months. I've been seeing a new doctor that a friend referred me to. Dr. C is a doctor that works on getting your whole body working together to improve your health. I decided to give it a try before the embryo transfer in November. I'm going to give it everything I've got because more than likely I'm never doing this again. If it doesn't work I want to know that I tried everything I could do, it just wasn't part of God's plan. So for the last few weeks I've been changing my diet and taking some supplements. I think it is working. I'm starting to see some improvement in my mood and energy level. I've finally felt like doing my fall cleaning and putting up fall decorations. Just a couple of weeks ago I didn't think either one of those things were going to happen. But one of the biggest things that helped was what she said to me this week. I was telling her I felt like I was depressed. Then I felt guilty for thinking I was depressed because I don't have a reason to be….we are both employed, we are all three healthy. Why should I be depressed? Dr. C was very firm in telling me that I was not depressed….depression is when everything is perfect in your and you have a dark cloud hanging over you. What I was experiencing was grief. Finally that clicked with me. We've had a crappy year so far. Yes, it's still been better than a lot of peoples who had much more serious things happen, but for the three of us it will go down in the records as a hard year. We were matched and lost the baby two hours before we were to get it, we had another one I thought for sure we were going to get – we didn't, we weren't picked for several other situations, we lost three embryos and two other possible situations within days of each other. What I was feeling was grief and it was ok to feel that way, in fact it is normal to feel that way. Like Dr. C said it's much better to have those emotions because it means you have a heart. Having her say that to me Tuesday has made a world of difference for me this week.

Thursday evening we had another great thing happen. With everything that I mentioned above we needed to have something good happen. You know one of those good things that make you realize that God has not forgotten about you? That happened last night. I won't lie, this time of year is always financially tight for us with school clothes and homestudy expenses and Christmas around the corner and the upcoming embryo transfer, etc. Most of you know what I'm talking about (If you don't than you really haven't lived yet). Also within the last few weeks we've shelled out major money for car repairs so that has not helped either. And Jay needed new shoes. We usually spend $200+ on school shoes for him. Normally they last 3-4 years per pair. I bought him a new pair for Christmas 2008 and 18 months later they were shot. This surprised us so we went to the shoe store to find out about the warranty. One salesman had told us that he thought the warranty was for 5 years. The day we had the blood draw for the negative pregnancy test we stopped by the mall with Jay's receipt and shoes thinking at least something good would happen that day. The shoe guy looked at us like we were crazy and said the warranty was only good for a year. But he gave us a number we where we could contact the company. So we went home that day sad because the test was negative and irritated because we were going to have to buy shoes. Jay contacted the company and they sent us a postage paid bag to send the shoes to them. They didn't make any promises, but they would evaluate them and let us know. That was the first part of August. Jay has been trying to make do with old shoes, but his feet and back have been hurting. This week was really bad so I knew we were going to have to go this weekend and get the shoes. We kept hoping we'd at least get a coupon from them because that's what the salesman said they usually do. Yesterday we got something even better than that. I opened up our front door and saw a UPS box. We weren't expecting anything so I couldn't imagine what it was. The return address was cut off and I could barely make out ECCO. Jay wasn't home so I opened it up for him. I figured it would be the old shoes with a note saying "sorry" and a 15% coupon. IT WAS A BRAND NEW PAIR OF SHOES!!!!!! I can not tell you how excited I was. I called Jay and told him the good news. I'm being completely serious when I say this – I've not felt excitement like that since I got the phone call about the baby February 10^th. We are both so thankful for those new shoes.

I just needed to post about this because I know lately some of them have been somewhat down. I can't explain to you what getting those shoes last night did for us. It's not all about the money (but that is a nice plus to the whole deal!). We would've made do because that's what we always do. God always takes care of us. It's so much more than the money – it was one of those things that you needed to happen to remind you that God is still here and He's still looking out for us. So thanks for letting me share this with those who get it. And, if you don't get what I'm saying or think it's all about the money…then I really don't know what to say to you….

Jay was so excited he wore them to work out in this morning. If you are ever in need of a good pair of work shoes that still look good these are ECCO's. Tradehome Shoes sell them. Jay said he will never buy anything but ECCO's!