Who's that Boy????

Last night we had our Parent/Teacher Conference at 6:15pm.  Jay and Cade had been at school all that time because Jay was also having conferences.  I worked late last night because I had to be in our Cassville office, where I have no computer, so I needed to catch up on some things.  Needless to say I didn't feel like going home and cooking dinner after 7pm.  We went out to eat.  Cade has a fascination with those quarter machines in restaurants.  Once he is done eating he heads to the machines to stare at the trinkets contained in those plastic bubbles.  I usually give in and give him the $.25.  Jay thinks its ridiculous, but maybe it will be one of those things that when he's older he'll look back on those little memories and smile....and hopefully forget about the bad ones from the last few mornings!  Normally he only does this in the Mexican restaurant in town and they are only $.25 for a piece of gum.  Last night we ate at another place and they are a little pricier.  He needed two quarters.  That just caused me to have a thought...when we are working on homework he freaks out when you ask him how much are two quarters.  It usually causes a stressful situation for all involved.  BUT last night he read $.50 and knew to ask me for two quarters.  He does know it when he wants to.  Maybe there is hope for his math???  Anyway, this is what he came back with for his $.50....


On the way home last night he said "Mom, this moustache is surprisingly comfortable and warmer than you'd think"

Looking at the picture this morning I think there is something about him that looks like my dad when he was younger and had a moustache.  Not that dad's looked like a piece of felt on his face, but I can see some resemblance. 

End of the Season

Saturday night at 5 we had our last football game of the season.   There was a coaching shake-up at half time of last weeks game so things were a little different this week.  They came up with a substitution schedule so the kids were moving in and out of the game a lot.  It worked out so much better.  Jay said it was stressful with the kids running in and out, BUT he didn't have to do much controlling on the the sidelines.  The kids were engaged in the game and Jay said they all seemed like they had a much better time.  It's kind of sad that it finally got fun the last week, but they all survived.  Jay and I were so happy this was the last game.  We were so tired of the 2 hour 2 times a week practices.  After the game was over the head coach had them in a huddle and was passing out instructions on when to bring back their equipment and stuff.  Then he left them with some parting words that almost made me cry.....Basketball sign-ups are in two weeks.... 



Cade is third from the left in this picture.  We could always tell which one was Cade because his helmet was always crooked.  And it made him hold his head to one side.  Someday when he has to visit a chiropractor on a regular basis (he is part Fowler so I know will have to see a chiropractor) they will probably trace all of his problems back to 3rd grade football and the helmet that made his head go to one side.



 Here he is after the game looking tough.  He was very disappointed that he has to turn in his football pants.  He really doesn't want to do that because if he plays next year he might end up with someone elses pants.  And in his words "I don't want anyone elses pants because you have no idea what could've been in them".  He is definitley my Grandma and Grandpa Ewing's grandson!
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On the Road Again...or...Back in the Saddle...Whatever you want to call it...

When I was thinking about a title at first On the Road Again popped into my head, then I remembered it was actually a Willie Nelson song so then his voice singing that line popped in my head.  Trying to get rid of the noise of Willie I thought of another title Back in the Saddle which then I remembered that was an Aerosmith song.  So of course now I can hear them singing that song in my head.  As much as I like Aerosmith my head hurts today and I really don't feel like having Steven Tyler echoing in my head either today.....so call this post what you want.....maybe crazy on Lupron would be appropriate.

I gave myself my first shot last night.  Last time Jay gave me all but about two of the Lupron shots.  I could do them, but since I'm doing all of the hormonal work he might as well do all the physical work.  I'd lay on the bed while he got the needle and all the equipment together.  Then he'd have to dispose of the needle into the sharps container and all the other trash.  Not that it's a big deal, just one of those little things that get irritating after so many days.  But last night I decided to do it.  He was in the shower and I was ready to get the shot over with so I could sit on the couch and watch the TV shows I had DVR'd earlier in the evening.  Also, Jay is going to be gone several nights next week so I wanted to make sure I could do it again.  I talked everything through with Jay through the shower and got the needle ready.  Then I dropped the bottle of Lupron.  It hit the counter and made the most awful noise.  I quickly inspected it for cracks and saw none so I finished the injection.  Then I looked closer at the bottle and it seemed really empty.  Then I couldn't remember how full it had been to start with.  Was there a slow leak? Did me dropping it force the liquid to shoot out? If it had leaked out where was all of it now? I couldn't find a wet spot on the counter,  Had I given myself too much?, Why did the bottle seem so not full? Why did I not just let Jay give it to me and then none of this would've happend?  What ever will I do?  Is there enough left to get me through the weekend? Stupid mail away pharmacies it would be Tuesday before I could get more....

AHHHH!!! I hate the pressure that fertility treatments puts on people.  I'm sure I'm not the only one either that does this.  You have so much invested in each cycle - time, emotion, money -  that you don't want to screw anything up and you're afraid that everything you do will screw up something.  You expect the worst with every twinge, every dropped bottle, or like the fact there was a stupid freezer bag in with the medicine this time.  They didn't do that last time.  Why did they do it this time.  The medication says to not freeze...if you put a frozen bag up against a tiny bottle of medication what are the chances that it's going to get colder than it needs to be.  Seriously, who runs that stupid mail away pharmacy anyway? 

I've repeated to myself a million times today....I'm not in control, there is nothing I can do to change the outcome, I can only do the best that I can and the rest is out of my control, God is the one who is in complete control and I need to let Him do His job instead of micro-managing it.  Easier said than done, but I'm trying. 

So with that we begin our 2nd (and most likely/hopefully) last trip to the NEDC.  I'm sure there will be other posts similar to this in the coming days.  I am on Lupron afterall.....

As for the bottle of Lupron, I put it in a Tupperware container last night.  I figured that if there was a leak it would leak into the Tupperware and I could suck it out from there with the needle if need be.  Thankfully this morning it appeared to be in the same shape it was last night.  Hopefully I will not be sucking Lupron out of a plastic bowl with a tiny needle over the weekend.  Not sure that any healthcare professional would recommend that method...

Prop B

I'm not a big political person.  It's not that I don't care, I just have enough stress in my own life so I avoid a lot of policitical discussions.  It only ends up making me mad about something that I can't do much about so that's one area where I try to cut stress out.  Jay on the other hand is much more political minded than me.  He's the one listening to FOX and talk radio.  I'm not completely in the dark because I do pick up on things when he's got the TV on or when we are in the car and he somehow sneaks in a talk radio station.  BUT today I'm going to post something policital for all my Missouri readers. 

VOTE NO ON PROP B!!!

I had not heard about this until last week when I saw something on Facebook.  I started reading about it and it is scary.  This bill is worded so that it sounds like the state of Missouri will be doing good things for Puppy Mills if we vote yes on this.  Who doesn't want to save puppies?  Who wants to see the pitiful pictures of puppies stuck in cages w/o food and water?  Who would be heartless enough to vote No on this....That's only if you don't know the real agenda of the organization pushing this bill.

There are so many problems with this bill....we already have rules in place for breeders.  This will be adding unnecessary expenses enforcing laws that are already on the books.  It will also put those legal breeders who are up to code now out of business.  The same breeders who aren't licensed will still skate by....and those are the ones who need to be regulated.  If you read any of the sites against this bill the stuff is ridiculous - a breeder will get in trouble if there is one piece of dog food in the water dish while an inspector is there.  That is insane.

The other problem with it though is huge.  This starts out as a law protecting pets, but it will grow into something much much bigger.  It's happened in other states.  This is HSUS way of working themselves into our state.  They will destroy production agriculture.  If it were up to them there would be no poultry farms, no pork farms, no beef farms, etc.  If you like your eggs, your chicken, your steaks, your bacon you have to vote NO on Prop B. 

I talked to my mom this weekend and on their TV stations the only ads that are running are Pro Prop B - it shows vets and dogs, etc.  That is scary.  I'm afraid a  lot of people who don't understand the true intent of this bill will look at those ads and vote yes and not even realize the widespread consequences it will have. 

Some would say that it is ridiculous, there is no way they can outlaw all of that.  Read about the horse market and what has happened since it because illegal to kill them.  When Jay and I talked about that when it first happened I asked him if he thought it would ever become illegal to kill cattle.  That seemed insane at the time, but just a few short years later it is very close to becoming a reality. 

If you are thinking of voting yes on this bill please, please do your research.  Research what HSUS has done to other states once they are in.  And remember that if you vote yes for it, don't say I didn't warn you when you can no longer go to your favorite steak house.

Here is the Farm Bureau site where you can get more information on Prop B.  Someone from Farm Bureau spoke at an ag teacher meeting this week and every one is highly concerned about this and what it will do to Missouri if it is passed.

Farm Bureau

Transfer Protocol

FINALLY I have the protocol sheet from the NEDC in my hands.  For some reason it seemed like it took
F O R E V E R to get it this time.  Here is the timeline for the next few weeks of our lives....

10/14 - Start Lupron (Jay is so excited for me to be on this one again - remember when I cried at Pizza Hut for no reason)
10/22 - First ultrasound and lab work
10/24 - Start Estrace (I really dislike the Estrace the most)
11/10 - Last ultrasound and lab work
11/11 - First shot of progesterone (the soreness from the last round just recently left my rear end area - I could still feel it if I did something jolting like running/jumping)
11/15 - TRANSFER!!!

I think this time we are going to fly to Tennessee.  The closest we can get is Nashville and then we'll drive the three hours to Knoxville.  I had been hoping for a Monday date so we could fly out Sunday, transfer Monday and fly home Tuesday.  Now that I have the schedule we can work on getting those details lined out.

The only thing missing on the protocol sheet is the date of the final blood draw.  Last time it was 10 days so that would put it the day before Thanksgiving.  Not sure how I feel about that and exactly when I'd want to have it drawn...I guess I will have to wait and see  once we have the transfer.  In a way I'd rather wait until the week after Thanksgiving, but if it's negative at least I'd have a long weekend to recover....Hard to say what would be better.  Just praying that whatever date it happens that it is ++++++.

Some Good Things….

I'll admit I've been somewhat down the last few months. I've been seeing a new doctor that a friend referred me to. Dr. C is a doctor that works on getting your whole body working together to improve your health. I decided to give it a try before the embryo transfer in November. I'm going to give it everything I've got because more than likely I'm never doing this again. If it doesn't work I want to know that I tried everything I could do, it just wasn't part of God's plan. So for the last few weeks I've been changing my diet and taking some supplements. I think it is working. I'm starting to see some improvement in my mood and energy level. I've finally felt like doing my fall cleaning and putting up fall decorations. Just a couple of weeks ago I didn't think either one of those things were going to happen. But one of the biggest things that helped was what she said to me this week. I was telling her I felt like I was depressed. Then I felt guilty for thinking I was depressed because I don't have a reason to be….we are both employed, we are all three healthy. Why should I be depressed? Dr. C was very firm in telling me that I was not depressed….depression is when everything is perfect in your and you have a dark cloud hanging over you. What I was experiencing was grief. Finally that clicked with me. We've had a crappy year so far. Yes, it's still been better than a lot of peoples who had much more serious things happen, but for the three of us it will go down in the records as a hard year. We were matched and lost the baby two hours before we were to get it, we had another one I thought for sure we were going to get – we didn't, we weren't picked for several other situations, we lost three embryos and two other possible situations within days of each other. What I was feeling was grief and it was ok to feel that way, in fact it is normal to feel that way. Like Dr. C said it's much better to have those emotions because it means you have a heart. Having her say that to me Tuesday has made a world of difference for me this week.

Thursday evening we had another great thing happen. With everything that I mentioned above we needed to have something good happen. You know one of those good things that make you realize that God has not forgotten about you? That happened last night. I won't lie, this time of year is always financially tight for us with school clothes and homestudy expenses and Christmas around the corner and the upcoming embryo transfer, etc. Most of you know what I'm talking about (If you don't than you really haven't lived yet). Also within the last few weeks we've shelled out major money for car repairs so that has not helped either. And Jay needed new shoes. We usually spend $200+ on school shoes for him. Normally they last 3-4 years per pair. I bought him a new pair for Christmas 2008 and 18 months later they were shot. This surprised us so we went to the shoe store to find out about the warranty. One salesman had told us that he thought the warranty was for 5 years. The day we had the blood draw for the negative pregnancy test we stopped by the mall with Jay's receipt and shoes thinking at least something good would happen that day. The shoe guy looked at us like we were crazy and said the warranty was only good for a year. But he gave us a number we where we could contact the company. So we went home that day sad because the test was negative and irritated because we were going to have to buy shoes. Jay contacted the company and they sent us a postage paid bag to send the shoes to them. They didn't make any promises, but they would evaluate them and let us know. That was the first part of August. Jay has been trying to make do with old shoes, but his feet and back have been hurting. This week was really bad so I knew we were going to have to go this weekend and get the shoes. We kept hoping we'd at least get a coupon from them because that's what the salesman said they usually do. Yesterday we got something even better than that. I opened up our front door and saw a UPS box. We weren't expecting anything so I couldn't imagine what it was. The return address was cut off and I could barely make out ECCO. Jay wasn't home so I opened it up for him. I figured it would be the old shoes with a note saying "sorry" and a 15% coupon. IT WAS A BRAND NEW PAIR OF SHOES!!!!!! I can not tell you how excited I was. I called Jay and told him the good news. I'm being completely serious when I say this – I've not felt excitement like that since I got the phone call about the baby February 10^th. We are both so thankful for those new shoes.

I just needed to post about this because I know lately some of them have been somewhat down. I can't explain to you what getting those shoes last night did for us. It's not all about the money (but that is a nice plus to the whole deal!). We would've made do because that's what we always do. God always takes care of us. It's so much more than the money – it was one of those things that you needed to happen to remind you that God is still here and He's still looking out for us. So thanks for letting me share this with those who get it. And, if you don't get what I'm saying or think it's all about the money…then I really don't know what to say to you….

Jay was so excited he wore them to work out in this morning. If you are ever in need of a good pair of work shoes that still look good these are ECCO's. Tradehome Shoes sell them. Jay said he will never buy anything but ECCO's!

Goodbye Pampa George

On Tuesday, September 28^th mine and Charity's last grandparent passed away. Even though Pampa George was 91, missed my grandma terribly the last three years, and is in a much better place it's still hard to say goodbye to anyone you love. No matter what the circumstances. We had his funeral and said our final goodbyes on Monday, October 4^th. One thing that was really neat, and I have thought about it a lot, is a letter that Pampa wrote right after Mama passed away in 2007…..

Mamma's niece Connie was in about the 6^th grade and was very concerned that her Aunt Earlene was not married. In her mind Mama was old (late 20's) and Connie was afraid she would become an old maid. Connie decided to introduce her Aunt Earlene to one of her teachers – George Ewing. And as they say "the rest is history"…. After Mama passed away Pampa wrote Connie a letter thanking her for introducing them all those years ago. He also talked about how Earlene gave him two important gifts…A clean white body (his salvation) and Robyn (our mom). Connie happened to marry a Baptist Minister named Lawrence. Pampa planned out the details of his funeral several months ago, which is a great way to do it by the way. It took the stress off of my mom and us and Pampa's wishes were fulfilled from the songs to the minister to the location of the funeral. Pampa had decided that even though he was Assembly of God, Lawrence needed to be the minister at the funeral. I think we are all glad Pampa made that choice because Lawrence read that letter. Mom knew that Pampa had written the letter, but she didn't know what it said. I had no idea about the letter at all until the day of the funeral. It was a neat way to close out the service. Connie and Lawrence gave my mom the original letter, in Pampa's handwriting, that day. After the church service we traveled to Fort Scott, Kansas and Pampa was buried with Mama at the National Cemetery.

Every time I think about the letter it brings tears to my eyes. Not sad tears, but happy tears. I'm so thankful that I had the grandparents that I did. I was so blessed to have known them for as long as I did. I was well into adulthood before they passed away. I just pray that someday I can be the kind of grandparent to my grandkids and great-grandkids that my grandparents were to me and Cade.

George Robert Ewing