Homestudy Update

The homestudy went fine on Tuesday evening - much like I expected. The girl was new and looks young, but she was very nice. I think the big difference between the other three visits and this one was our attitudes. Previously we had been somwhat peppy. I had a much heavier feeling in my heart this time.

She started out our interview by telling us we were the longest waiting family at the agency. Not exactly the place we wanted to hold but there are some benefits. If a woman comes to the agency and wants them to pick a couple we would be the first choice. My friend Shelley also reminded me that when the profiles are handed to the mom's ours will be on top. The only thing that's gotten me through the last five plus years is hope. I had felt really hopeless the last few weeks - but this actually helped. We would have first choice so that is something to hold on to. As long as we can keep doing this without losing our sanity we could eventually get a placement....it could be tomorrow or 5 years from now.

We followed up the longest waiting discussion with the Illinois Incident discussion. Nothing like getting it all out of the way in the very beginning. Cade heard her ask about that and he said he didn't want to talk about it. We sent him to our room to watch TV. I wish I knew what went through his head when he thinks about it. I think that it's that he doesn't want us to get upset about it again, but I'd like to know for sure. It was definitely the most traumatizing event we have experienced together. I just hope it doesn't negatively impact his view of adoption in the future. What if he and his wife need/want to adopt to grow their family???

It seems like from there we jumped into embryo adoption and she asked how we were handling that loss. She also asked if we would go back for a third transfer or stop at two By that time I was sniffling. I've never cried during one of these things but Tuesday night was too much. Examining all of the disappointments at once was really hard. She did ask if we were doing any counciling. We told her no because really we were ok (between sniffles).

The meeting didn't last as long as they have in the past. Our old case worker had gone through infertility so we hit it off really well. This new one was fine but we didn't talk about much outside of what she asked us. After one hour she said she was through. She probably wanted to escape from the crazy people who said they were "fine" when clearly they weren't!

So we are done for another year. As long as there are no fingerprint issues (like Ponytail deleting them) we should have everything done in plenty of time. Keep praying that the only other time Jamie comes back is for a post placement visit!!!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone...while freezing and wondering just when in the heck football practice would be over...