We bought a van. Eek!!

We finally did it last night. We bought a van. A Chrysler Town and Country to be exact. I look at it and think "oh my I drive a van" but when I get in it and we aren't all touching I love it. When your dream car goes from being a Mustang to a van you know you've reached that point in life where comfort overrides looking cool. Much like using a seat cushion at a ballgame. I haven't crossed that line yet but I do see it in my near future. Especially when I think in 9 years I will just be starting to sit on the same hard bleachers all over again. 

I had a small moment last night after we got home where I might have had a mini hyperventilation moment. Not only did we buy a van we now have a car payment again. Breathe, breathe...Dave Ramsey would tell us we were dumb. Of course though if he had to crawl in on his knees to put an unruly toddler in her seat time after time he might see where we are

coming from. 

You might wonder why a van. If money were no object Jay would buy the biggest Suburban he could find. Since money is an issue that obviously couldn't happen. Since I'm going back to driving again in a few months we couldn't do a SUV's gas mileage. We looked at some of the crossovers...we sat in a Dodge Journey for about 3 seconds and decided we couldn't do it. The van was essentially the same price as the crossovers so we went with more room. So friends that is how we ended up with a van.

 What made me decide on this particular van was a vision I believe was sent directly from God (seriously!). We found this one in Springfield and it was black with black interior. I found some online Saturday night that all had light camel interior. We were thinking about looking at those. While I was waiting for church Sunday morning I had a flashback to our churches New Years Eve 2011 party. You know the one where an entire pot of chili tipped over in the floorboard of the car. After church I told Jay that the black interior was the only thing that would work for us. 

It dawned on me last night while we were doing the paperwork that if I drive this as long as my car (praying for a few years longer!!) Cade will be grown. Jay told me to shut up and that he wasn't talking to me anymore. 

Poor Cade was a trooper. He had to watch Camryn for about 2 hours while we did everything. When we were filling out the paperwork Camryn kept running across the showroom to the office we were in. I'm sure the entire place was ready to see us go. She also refused to wear her shoes. I don't know what the problem is with these particular sandals but she won't keep them on. We didn't fight it. Her feet were black by the end of the night. So to recap...we had a running, screaming toddler with feet as black as the asphalt outside trying to be controlled by a stressed out 11 year old. Cade said he deserved something big by the time we were done. We told him he did get something big...a van!!!

Kids and Church

Taking your kids to church (and making sure they have a personal relationship with God) is the most important thing we need to do as parents. I’m not sure why so many people don’t feel that responsibility anymore. You have this little mind that is 100% YOUR responsibility to help shape it in the right direction. How can you not take your kids to church? It is so important…..and I will also admit it is also one of the most exhausting things I do as a parent.


I usually leave church looking and feeling like I ran a marathon. Yesterday’s experience was especially trying. Camryn got away from us during the singing and made it all the way to the piano bench. When I got to her she screamed all the way back to our pew that she wanted to “play the plano.” Part of me was tempted to let her do it. We were minus our piano player yesterday and her playing while we sang wouldn’t have sounded any worse than we already did. I gave her two peanut butter crackers to get her to be quiet. She took a bite out of each of them and then ran both down the front of my dress. I had peanut butter tracks right down the middle of my chest. Then she shoved both crackers in her mouth and tried to talk to me during the prayer time (mouth full). Then right after that we moved into the communion mediation and she spit out her mouthful of crackers onto the floor. I spent the meditation picking up soggy crackers so the guys wouldn’t track through them during communion.

So I completely understand taking your child to church is hard. But even as worn out, sweaty and dirty I am after church I know why I do it. Our church right now is on the decline. We can’t seem to get any new families with kids to make a commitment. It makes me sad. I’m sad for our church, but I’m sad for these families who don’t feel the same responsibility that we do. I’m sad that those parents don’t feel the need to pass on how great a relationship with God is to their kids. And it concerns me…..are we raising a whole new generation that won’t know Christ? What can we do to fix it? Jay and I are at a loss with what to do at church right now. Cade was completely heartbroken yesterday because our Youth Minister is gone, his best friend has moved and another friend has quit coming. Any ideas of what has maybe worked at your church??

So it’s been awhile since I posted anything on the blog. I know everyone always says life is crazy and they run out of time…which is true, but not only has life been crazy I’ve been a little crazy to.


Anyone who knows me knows that anxiety has always been a huge burden in my life. I had my worst round of it between our two embryo transfers. I got through it with a lot of prayer and a lot of common sense from Joyce Meyer. For the last two and half years I’ve handled it pretty well. Then this whole job thing happened and my sanity flew out the window. Looking back over my life I can see the times my anxiety has been the worst was when it was triggered by a major life event. So I’m definitely in that season of my life right now…battling the anxiety along with a 2 year old and an 11 year old.

I don’t want this to sound like I’m complaining, because I’m not. I’m just writing it down so someday we can laugh about the time mom wanted to run away screaming. Ha ha ha……

Having a 2 year old and an 11 year has got really hard all of a sudden. Two kids on two completely different levels (with no buffer of another age in between) is rough right now. A two year old is intense. I forgot how intense they can be – especially one that has been forming complete sentences for months. I’m also finding out that a moody 11 year old is equally as intense. These pre-teen years are going to be a bit of a challenge. One minute he is my sweet little boy and the next he’s someone I want to lock away until he can act decently. When you add them both together with raised voices competing for my attention it gets a little crazy at times. Mostly it makes me want to run for my bed and hide under the covers…..but somehow they always find me….

All of this hit kind of a crescendo the past couple of weeks….my anxiety, intense kids…..and a sick two year old. Honestly my nerves were shot. The week of Camryn’s birthday she was sick with a bladder infection. We took her to the doctor on June 4th. They gave us a prescription and we got it filled. We went directly home and tried to give it to her. It was awful. Awful I say. I was so distraught I called the clinic back in tears. They told us to come in and they gave her a shot. I got home and had a mild panic attack because I realized they didn’t ask what she was allergic to. I know they have it down in her chart but most of the time they will ask as a double check. I had to call the clinic back to assure myself they did not give her penicillin. I did not need a repeat of the allergic reaction.

Camryn got along fine until last Monday. Actually on Sunday I had a feeling she was getting sick. Monday afternoon Stacy called and said Camryn had a fever and was miserable. The kids and I were leaving Tuesday evening for my mom’s so I called Camryn’s doctor yet again. Jay took her and she had an ear infection. I managed to work on Tuesday and Jay stayed home with both kids. Every time I talked to Jay he said Camryn was fine…..

He brought the kids to me after work and we took out for Oklahoma. Camryn immediately started crying. Cade, completely distraught, said “she’s been doing this all day.” Hmm that was not what her father told me. In that instance I tended to believe Cade over Jay. I was so desperate for her to sleep I stopped at Wal-Mart in Joplin and bought her new bottles. I even let her pick out the kind she wanted. Yes, I am a complete enabler. While we were in Wal-Mart Cade got in a snit. He kept telling me to turn around and go home. I told him it would be fine. Then he asked about running out of gas. I told him we wouldn’t run out of gas. Then he got really distraught and told me that a G6 was the most unsafe car on the market and we didn’t need to be driving it all the way to Oklahoma City. He said that they had watched something about how bad G6’s were that day and they have problems with their brake lights and oil, etc. I really couldn’t disagree with him because I had seen the same thing on the news that morning. I just told him it would be fine…..

We hit the road again and somewhere around Miami I about lost my mind again. I am not exaggerating at all….both of them were full blown sobbing for about 10 miles. And my stupid brakes were messing up again. I asked myself what in the hell I was doing. I thought about turning around but I gritted my teeth, told satan he would not steal my joy and drove on. People complain all the time about distracted driving and cell phone use. I am here to tell you that I have never been as distracted on a cell phone in my life as I was with two sobbing kids in my car. I almost took the Pike Pass lane at my first toll booth. Thankfully I got it over in time and into the right lane. Getting arrested for driving through a toll booth might have put a damper on things. I was also constantly switching out bottles for Camryn. One second she’d want milk, another it was water, then she’d want tea, etc. Cade was limited help because he was in the fetal position being drove crazy by her crying. I can’t really blame him…it is hard enough for an adult to handle the type of crying she had all day and night – can you imagine what it was like for him?

Finally we hit Tulsa (2 hours into the drive) and she passed out. Oh I also forgot to mention the sun was in her eyes. The whole way. We got some blissful silence for about an hour…until we hit the last toll booth. Camryn woke up and asked for chicken nuggets. Why else would I be stopped handing someone money out the car window???? The last 30 minutes weren’t as bad as earlier, but she was not a happy camper.

Things were so-so until bed time. During the night I swear her fever got back to 104. I had to go to Walgreens at 12:30 and get Tylenol. I ended up visiting that Walgreens 4 times Wednesday…Tylenol, Benadryl for a bite that swelled up and had fever in it, drop off a new ear prescription, pick up the prescription. After Camryn puked in my mom’s car Wednesday morning we headed to urgent care. They thought the shot she had Monday didn’t take care of the ear infection so I had more liquid medicine to give her. I may have cried a little in the doctors office telling them I hadn’t slept in 3 days.

The rest of the trip was a lot of fun and the drive home was loads better than going. But things are still intense. By Sunday night I could feel my work anxiety coming back, but I wasn’t sure what was worse. The thought of going to work on Monday or staying with Camryn another day?

So I’ve been praying. A lot. I’m trying to work through this anxiety…but it is difficult. Once satan finds your weak spot he doesn’t let up easily. But I will get through it…..hopefully with my sanity still in tact.  If I could just get a full nights sleep I think that would make a huge difference.  I'm going on about 8 days of very little sleep.  Some of it is Camryn.....some of it is anxiety..... 

Camryn's Party-The Decorations.....

I've got so many pictures from Camryn's party that I've had to break them into three different posts.  The first one is the decorations.  I always love parties, but doing a Mickey/Minnie themed party was really fun and easy.  All you need are two different sized circles and an imagination and the possibilities are endless!

I will confess that the placemat idea came from Pinterest.  I used black wrapping paper, a dinner plate and a coaster to make them. 

The Mickey wreath with the 2 was one of my favorites.  I actually used the 2 in her 2 year old pictures.  She was upset when she saw it on the wreath because it was "stuck" and it was her 2. 

Doing the cake table is my favorite thing.  As usual Janella did a wonderful job on the cake.  This one ranks up there as one of my favorites that she's ever done for us. 

Camryn's Party-The Cake Pictures

When we would talk about Camryn's birthday all she would say is she wanted birthday cake.  When she saw her cake she kept saying "I need a fork."  We had a hard time holding her off so we could snap some pictures

She's pointing to a fork and wondering why no one is handing one to her

Cade found this mask at the party story and we couldn't resist.

Lawson wasn't feeling a cousin picture that day.

Finally someone got the poor girl a fork!

Camryn was more than pleased with her Birthday Cake!

Camryn's Birthday-The rest of the pictures

We had a "Hot Diggity Dog Bar" for the meal.  Of course Jay had to grill the dogs in his mouse ears.

I bought whistles to put in the kid's treat bags and of course I got Camryn one to.  Apparatnly not everyone thought the whistles were as funny as I did.  Camryn loved blowing on hers.  She'd put her whole body into it.  It made me laugh. 

We got Camryn the rocking horse.  She rode it for about 30 seconds and now she is terrified of it.  She will pet it and talk to it and about it but she will not sit on it. 

I love watching Jay assemble all of these pink and purple girly toys.

After we were done I was holding Camryn and she looked at this present mess and said "I want to see Santa."  That girl doesn't forget anything.  That's how our floor looked Christmas morning.

These last two were some of my favorites from that day.

I am so grateful for the chance to celebrate birthdays.  It was another great party and I'm so glad our families could be there to celebrate with us. 

2

Can't believe this little bit is 2. She is growing and changing so quickly. We took her to the zoo yesterday to celebrate. Will have several birthday, fair and zoo posts this week. 

Happy Birthday Camryn Lee. We love you!  And I'm glad I'm not as nauseous today as I was 2 years ago at this time :)