During those weeks leading up to going back to work I got asked a lot if I hated the thought of going back. Of course I always said yes, but it wasn’t always the reason why most people would’ve assumed. Don’t get me wrong, I miss Camryn and I miss being home with her. But really, I was ok going back. She has a great sitter so I don’t worry about her at all during the day. Also, I do like my job. I work with great people and for what I do and where I live and how far I have to travel – the pay and the benefits are good. In an economy where schools are seeing reductions in their funding every year, I feel it’s important for me to hold onto my job, especially since it fits into my life so easily. So everything on that front is okie dokie.


But, this has been one of those weeks that I knew would come and this is why I would always answer yes when asked if I hated the thought of coming back. I am exhausted – that type of exhaustion where your brain gets fuzzy and you can’t concentrate and all you want to do is lay down and take a nap but there are so many things that need to be done you find yourself coming and going. I also tend to think in run-on sentences during these times. There were many things that led to this feeling that I won’t bore you with them. Fussy baby, trip to KC, busy at work, etc. I’ve got that totally exhausted, overwhelmed, so behind I’ll never catch up feeling.

Sunday night Camryn and I didn’t get home from a visit to see my Great-Aunt in KC until after 8 and I was exhausted. On top of that I had to fill out Cade’s order form for the PTO fundraiser because it was due the next day. I was trying to decide what I was going to buy and figure my check,e tc. I also had to fill out his grade, which is Fourth. I started to spell it….f-o-u…then I thought, no it’s like forty. There is no u in it. So I scratched it out. Then I thought how embarrassing – they’re going to think I don’t know how to spell since you could clearly see I’d scratched out the u. I proudly turned in Cade’s sheet with fourth spelt f-o-r-t-h and the u noticeably marked out. Last night I filled out his book order and the amount was $14. As I was writing out the check for f-o-u-r-t-e-e-n I remembered the f-o-r-t-h incident. I was so embarrassed.

This week is a textbook example of why I dreaded coming back to work. And this incident was school/family related. Makes we wonder what kind of damage I’ve done at work.  Also, I blamed a lot of this feeling after having Cade on hormones.  Makes me feel even crazier to not have an excuse this time.  

Someone got a new pair of shoes...

And she was pretty excited about them...







But don't let her smile fool you.  She is not a shopper...or a traveler.  I went with my mom to visit her Aunt in Olathe Ks Sunday.  It was a very long weekend for all of us.  Camryn threw too many red faced mad fits to count.  That girl's coloring can change quicker than anyone I've ever seen.  She has a touch of red to hair and I'm afraid she's getting the temper to go along with it. 

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Food For America

Today is the day that the high school FFA kids bring in some of their livestock and show the elementary kids.  I think the purpose is supposed to be like the name....food comes from a farm, not a grocery store, but there are always exceptions.  Someone brought a horse.  I don't like horses.  They creep me out.  A kid rode the horse for awhile and it was all I could do to keep from grabbing Cade and running away.  Again, I really do not like horses.  I asked Jay why they let the kids bring horses because horses don't have anything to do with food.  He said someone always brings a horse.  Anyway, a horse wasn't a planned part of this story, I just flashbacked to seeing that tall gangly thing with a person sitting on it's back.  No thank you....

Moving on to the real point of this story - Jay let Cade get out of class for a couple of hours to participate as a presenter along with his bull Bocephus (I have no idea how to spell that).  I left work for a little bit to watch Cade in action.  He is so funny when he's talking about cattle.  By the time I got there it was towards the end.  Luckily he was paired with two sisters, Ellen & Addison, who also show Hereford's.  It was lucky because they've spent some time around him so they know what he's like.  As in they know he talks.  All the time.  Going in to this day Cade's #1 fear was that they (as in the HS kids) would do too much of the talking.  By the time I got there Cade had heard their parts enough that not only was he saying his part, but theirs also.  I watched the last group go through and Ellen stepped out of the center of attention to count kids and hand out goodies.  I think she knew that there wasn't much left for her to say that Cade hadn't already said so she just stood at the side.  In the middle of the presentation Cade looked at her and said "Ellen, did you drop out"?  I had the video camera so I'm sure there are some snorts from me on there because he was so funny to watch.  Actually, he was kind of a bossy butt!  He bossed the 5th graders around and let them know when their answers were wrong.  At one point they were talking about how animal fat was used in makeup and one of the boys acted grossed out.  Cade said "I'm not talking to you I'm talking to the girls right now".  I told Jay that I hoped Ellen and Addison hadn't wanted to talk because Cade wasn't going to let them. 

But I love to see him do this kind of stuff.  I'm so glad he's not like me and terrified to talk to people.  If I'm at a work thing and we have to go around the table and say our names and what office we work at and how many years we've been at FCS I get nervous and rehearse it in my head. Like I don't know the answers to those questions!  I am so thankful because he seems to be an identical replica of me when it comes to his personality, except for this.  Jay and I really have no clue where his ability to talk to anyone comes from.  Jay is more outgoing than I am, but nothing like Cade is.  He's such a funny little guy! 















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2nd post-placement visit and a cereal update.....

Last night we had our 2nd post-placement visit with Jamie.  It went fine.  Very short and sweet.  I spent more time cleaning the bathroom before than the whole visit lasted.  Sunday night I did start to get a little disgruntled with the whole deal.  Do you realize that every September since 2007 I've had to prepare our home for someone from the agency to visit?  I really was in no mood to clean Sunday so for a split second I got a little bent out of shape mentally.  Then I remembered something that Joyce Meyer says a lot....I'm not where I need to be but thank God I'm not where I used to be.  That was the little jolt I needed to remind myself that cleaning for a post-placement visit is a heck of a lot easier than cleaning for another homestudy update.  Saying that I was miserable with the whole adoption process last fall would've been an understatement.  It's hard to believe that things are so dramatically different a year later.  We have one last visit scheduled for December 12.  Then we finalize December 21.  I have not wished one single second of Camryn's babyhood away, but I am ready for finalization.  I hate to say I'll be glad when that day gets here because she will be almost 7 months old and more than likely she won't let me cuddle her as much...but I am so ready to be done with the agency and have Camryn officially be ours and know with absolute certainty that no one will be able to change that.  Nothing personal, I'm just ready for Bethany to not take up as much space in my mind as it has for years.  My first phone call to Bethany was December 2006.  That's 5 years exactly.

On the cereal front things are still touch and go.  Janella and Charity both suggested that I mix the cereal with juice or fruit.  I didn't have any juice so I tried it with fruit.  I think I need the juice to make it a little thinner, but I think the fruit has helped a little.  She at least seemed like she was rolling it around in her mouth before she started gagging and dry heaving.  I tried that last Wednesday and Thursday.  Friday night I wasn't in the mood for a fight so I skipped it.  Then Saturday-Monday evenings she was a bearcat.  I'm not sure what happened to my sweet baby, but she was replaced with a screaming grump.  I knew ceral those nights wouldn't not work.  At.  All.  Last night she gave Jay quite the dirty look and then started screaming.  He edged out the room and took himself outside for awhile.  It was bad.  The windows were open so I'm surprised the neighbors didn't come over to make sure we were ok.  I rubbed her gums for awhile and that seemed to help.  Too bad it wasn't still the 1960's....I understood why parents rubbed Brandy on their gums.  I'm sure it didn't help with the pain, it just made the baby pass out but at least they stopped crying....and she did all that after we told Jamie all those nice things about how wonderful of a baby she is. 

This morning I decided to try cereal again.  Camryn is in a much better mood in the mornings than she is in the evenings.  I think part of the cereal problem is that evenings are not the best time for her to try something new.  Today it actually went pretty well.  I saw her swallow a couple of times.  We may be making progress.  Then I remembered that we had Cade on a sippy cup at meal times at 4 months.  But he was also on a regular eating schedule and had mastered a spoon months earlier.  It's just not going to happen right now for Camryn.  Either I'm too old and tired or she is wearing me down, but there is no way I will be giving her  a sippy cup in 2 weeks.  Wears me out just to think about that fight.   

Fall Premieres

One of my "guilty pleasures" is TV.  I have some shows that I really like to watch.  There, I admitted it.  I know that watching TV is something that we sometimes are embarrassed to admit.  It's supposed to make us fat, lazy and dumb.  But we all do it.  I love it when someone claims to "not really watch much TV"  but they can still take part in just about any conversation that revolves around a TV show.  Part of my TV watching has came from the fact I've been in a different stage of my life than most of friends for awhile.  Most of the people I know have kids younger than Cade.  Having young children does limit the amount of time you spend watching TV...but you probably know every Bob the Builder and Disney movie by heart.  Since Cade has been on out of the toddler/baby stage for Y E A R S that has allowed me to have quite a bit of free time the last several years.  So I would watch TV.  Don't worry...I still keep my house clean, read books frequently and exercise.  Actually before Camryn we had a treadmill set up in the spare room where I could exercise AND watch TV at the same time.  That was great.  So, yes, I am excited that the fall shows start this week.  Don't call me at 7 on Wednesday.  I won't answer. I'll be watching The Middle. 

And this fall premiere obsession didn't fall far from the tree.  He loves Star Wars The Clone Wars on Cartoon Network.  Apparently cartoons have season cliffhangers and premieres???  All I heard about for weeks was "when is Friday, September 16 because that's when Clone Wars new season starts".  Cade spent the night with a friend and I had strict orders to record it.  He got to enjoy it Saturday night.  I put Camryn in the Bumbo AWAY from the TV. Left the room and then found them like this a few minutes later.  I may be fighting a loosing battle with keeping her from the TV.  Cade is a bad influence!  She did start crying a few minutes later.  It may have been the Bumbo but I'm hoping it was that she didn't like Clone Wars.  I'm really hoping that I may have one who will like things I do...not weird science fiction things. 



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Cereal

** I should preface this post with saying there are about a million different opinions on cereal floating around. It depends on what book/doctor/family member’s advice you want to listen to at any given time. I started Cade somewhere between 4-6 weeks taking cereal off of a spoon. Our doctor at the time was totally fine with it, but I don’t know that it would have mattered much. Since Cade or Camryn neither appear to have health concerns I tend to parent off of my gut and a good friends advice (Thanks Sandra!). Clearly if there were issues with them or their development I would follow those orders. I held off on cereal with Camryn because she didn’t need it to sleep like Cade did. Actually we were so desperate for Cade to sleep I would’ve fed him dirt if someone had promised me it would work. I’m going off of a mixture of my gut and what I did with Cade to get through these baby months with Camryn. And her doctor also told me to start cereal between 2-3 months and baby food between 3-4 months. It makes my life so much easier when the doctors go along the same guidelines I do! But every baby is different and every one has their own way of doing things, which is completely acceptable. I just don’t want anyone telling me I’m doing it wrong!!!



I’ve been working with Camryn on taking cereal off of a spoon for quite some time now. Actually, my first go round with her and the spoon was August 21. It did not go well at all. I tried again a week later, August 29, and got a little better reaction, but she still wasn’t ready. Then another week later, September 4, I decided it was time for her to start eating it at a regular time every night. Since I was going back to work and trying really hard to get all of us on a routine after a 12 week free-for-all it seemed the perfect time. It’s been a nightmare. She hates it. Absolutely hates it. At first I gave her the benefit of the doubt and thought she just wasn’t ready. After Tuesday night’s incident I’m sure she is ready – she is just extremely stubborn! I mean really stubborn. For a girl who seems so easy going, she looses her mind when a spoonful of cereal enters her mouth.

Last week it was ok, but it wasn’t great. I’m sure most of you have noticed her double chin thing. She has this way of pulling her head down so that her mouth and her chin seem to become one and she growls at me. Seriously, she would growl and spit it right back out. Then somehow she would clench her toothless gums together and not let me get the spoon in. Sometimes I could coax a smile out of her and force it in then, but then she’d just growl again and spit it out. Maddening!

Last Saturday I decided to try the Oatmeal with Banana cereal from Gerber. When we got that for Cade he seemed to really take to the cereal. I thought that would be the answer to our problem. I think it’s made it worse.

Monday night I was in our chair with the ottoman and had Camryn propped up on the boppy facing me. I thought that maybe I should try feeding her in that position. Her head was back so she would have a harder time pulling her mouth into her chin and growling at me. That resulted in a lot of gagging. And I don’t mean the Heimlich Maneuver kind of gagging. I’m talking about the get this nasty stuff out of my mouth, it’s not what I want to eat kind of gagging. I stopped for the night.

Tuesday night I tried the same position but this time I added a bottle to the mix. I thought I could shove in a bite and then give her the bottle and she’d suck the cereal down with the formula. Again that was a disaster. I got in a bite and she started crying and refused to suck on the bottle. She just cried open mouthed for the longest time. I sat her up and told her she was being ridiculous and she just needed to swallow.  But still she cried.  Cade asked me if I knew that talking to her wouldn’t do any good. She cried and got mad and her face turned red and the vein on her head stuck out….Finally I put her back on the boppy and saw the cereal still stuck to the roof of her mouth. I used the spoon to scrape it out and she silenced immediately and went back to sucking on the bottle.

I think this is a slight peek into her personality. Jay thinks it’s just a normal 3 month old. I’m not disagreeing with that, but I’m thinking we may have a stubborn one on our hands.

I’ve tried thicker, thinner, flavored, high chair, no high chair. Anything I can think of. I may have to consider myself defeated with the cereal and move onto baby food. It’s not like it can get much worse.

Did I mention that I had to use the spoon to scrape the cereal out of her mouth?

A little man to man advice....

This past weekend Jay took Cade to a cattle show in Pleasant Hope. Camryn and I had made other plans for the day several weeks ago so we didn’t go. Last night was the PTO Grandparents Night at school. On the way there Jay and I were discussing the cattle show…


Jay asked me if he had mentioned the lady there that was a fan of Cade. She kept going on about how cute he was, how well he did with his cattle, etc. Cade overheard this so he wanted to know what lady it was. Jay was starting to explain who it was when Cade piped up and asked if she was ugly. We were both a little taken back by that question. Jay said “what are you talking about? She was a normal lady – just another mom at the cattle show”. Then Jay also added “And a little man to man advice here – don’t ever ask if a woman is ugly”. Jay went on to say that the lady had a camera around her neck. Cade said “oh, I know who she was…she was sort of in the middle”. Again Jay and I were floored…What do you mean in the middle?? Then I said something to the effect that I’d hate to hear what Cade says about me when I’m not around. Then Cade started stuttering and stammering around and he started getting defensive. Jay said – “you know that confused feeling you have right now? That’s exactly why you never comment on a woman’s appearance if it’s negative.”

We went on a little farther and my mind drifted to my fall decorations that are on the kitchen table. I’ve slowly been working on those this week. I asked Jay if we got home in time and if we felt like it, would he help me with the leaves in the kitchen. I put leaves along the tops of my cabinets every fall and greenery with lights at Christmas. But I always have Jay help me. I have a fear of heights and I have to stand on the counters to do it. Not to mention the tiny ledge I have to walk on around the sink, etc. I always want someone at the house when I do that because otherwise I’m afraid they’d come home to me sprawled out on the kitchen floor. Jay said he would and then I went back to my own thoughts. I fast forwarded to being old and having to wait until someone would come to my house to help me….which means I’ll have to leave the greenery up until March and then catch someone about July or August to put up the leaves. So last night after having that 30 second daydream I asked Cade if someday he’d come back and help me put up my leaves. He paused for a second than said “I’ll have to think about that.” I told Jay we were raising a real catch for any woman.

Oh, these pre-teen years are just wonderful. Makes me so excited for the teenage years.