The Shepherd's Flock

During those weeks leading up to going back to work I got asked a lot if I hated the thought of going back. Of course I always said yes, but it wasn’t always the reason why most people would’ve assumed. Don’t get me wrong, I miss Camryn and I miss being home with her. But really, I was ok going back. She has a great sitter so I don’t worry about her at all during the day. Also, I do like my job. I work with great people and for what I do and where I live and how far I have to travel – the pay and the benefits are good. In an economy where schools are seeing reductions in their funding every year, I feel it’s important for me to hold onto my job, especially since it fits into my life so easily. So everything on that front is okie dokie.


But, this has been one of those weeks that I knew would come and this is why I would always answer yes when asked if I hated the thought of coming back. I am exhausted – that type of exhaustion where your brain gets fuzzy and you can’t concentrate and all you want to do is lay down and take a nap but there are so many things that need to be done you find yourself coming and going. I also tend to think in run-on sentences during these times. There were many things that led to this feeling that I won’t bore you with them. Fussy baby, trip to KC, busy at work, etc. I’ve got that totally exhausted, overwhelmed, so behind I’ll never catch up feeling.

Sunday night Camryn and I didn’t get home from a visit to see my Great-Aunt in KC until after 8 and I was exhausted. On top of that I had to fill out Cade’s order form for the PTO fundraiser because it was due the next day. I was trying to decide what I was going to buy and figure my check,e tc. I also had to fill out his grade, which is Fourth. I started to spell it….f-o-u…then I thought, no it’s like forty. There is no u in it. So I scratched it out. Then I thought how embarrassing – they’re going to think I don’t know how to spell since you could clearly see I’d scratched out the u. I proudly turned in Cade’s sheet with fourth spelt f-o-r-t-h and the u noticeably marked out. Last night I filled out his book order and the amount was $14. As I was writing out the check for f-o-u-r-t-e-e-n I remembered the f-o-r-t-h incident. I was so embarrassed.

This week is a textbook example of why I dreaded coming back to work. And this incident was school/family related. Makes we wonder what kind of damage I’ve done at work.  Also, I blamed a lot of this feeling after having Cade on hormones.  Makes me feel even crazier to not have an excuse this time.