The Green Room Part 2

I was going to do a post for Easter and Nana and Granddad's 60th Anniversary, but those pictures are on my camera.  I took them without a memory card in the camera so they're stuck on there.  For some reason I can't save them to our computer.  I'll take the camera to work and see if I can do anything with it there.  Since I can't get the pictures I'll finish up my green room/adoption loss story.

So we came home on that Thurday night to a clean house, but this is also what we had to face.  This is what I had wanted to avoid for all these years we waited and here I was stuck with it.  It was so hard coming home and putting this all away.  Everything is stuck in the closet so it's a mess again.  We finally got the crib put away and it's different pieces are scattered all over the house.  Hopefully when we need it again Jay will remember where he stashed everything.

I've really struggled with some anger issues on having all of this stuff.  I was one of the ones who don't want to have any baby stuff prior to getting a baby.  I think with adoption it's about 50/50.  The families either want it done so they don't have to deal with a newborn and decorting a room and the other 50% don't want anything until it happens.  I was in the latter 50% and here I was stuck with this stuff.  I knew that we had the basics (pack n play) and since we already had Cade I knew that a quick trip to Wal-Mart would get us by until we could get things together.  I wasn't worried about it.  I'll just say it again - I'm ticked about having all of this stuff in my house.  I've thought for years about Cade's baby clothes and that one day I'm going to have to face them. At some point they will have to be cleaned out and the emotions dealt with.  Now I've got a whole other room full of stuff that I'm scared I'll never get to use.    I know that if we ever get a placement it will be ok, but since that appears to be so far down the road it's scary.  What if we never get a baby?  What if someday I have to clean out this closet and there's all this brand new stuff that's never been used? 

So after a few weeks we went to work and tried to transform this room back into a den.  I pushed the changing table/dresser into the closet and kind of stuffed everything else in there.  It wasn't put up with any rhyme or reason, it looks more like a crazy lady started stuffing things so she wouldn't have to think about it! 

I also decided to make some decorations for the room.  I always thought that may have been one reason why I never cared for the green room - I didn't decorate it much.  I didn't want to spend a lot of money so I did some crafty things which helped in two areas - they were cheap and it gave me something to do!

 

I'm not sure why some of  these are so dark.  We have a new camera and sometimes it does weird things

I made 4 new pillows for the couch

Also made the things hanging on each side of the window.  It's a bulletin board with all different family pictures.

I also made this S.  The background in puffy.

I also dug out some old picture frames and framed some family pictures.  A couple of them are from our trip.  The one on the righ is my absolute favorite picture from vacation.  Jay and I look like we were in the happiest place on earth....Cade, not so much.

Here's a close up of the pillows.  I really like animal print stuff, but Jay hates it so I really don't buy it.  But since this is a "fun" room and not really part of our main home decoration scheme I decided to buy it.  When Jay saw the material on our kitchen table he asked what that awful red stuff was for!

Since I started this blog to talk about adoption I had to give everyone a little insight into what it's like to have a loss and what you have to face.  As of this week it will have been two months.  We're doing pretty well.  We really don't talk about it much.  I think everyone is doing pretty well.  There are just those doubts that creep up in my head sometimes about everything, but we're doing ok....nothing that some red zebra print pillows can't help!