Surgery

I had my surgery on April 10.  I’m about 99% healed right now and everything turned out fine.  But of course with us there is always a story.  I’m not sure if other people are as weird as we are, but I always feel that chaos seems to follow us.  Or maybe it is because I get through things by finding the humor in situations…I don’t know.

We got to the hospital early that morning.  I think we had to be there at 5:45am. While we were waiting to be called to a room Jay got out his computer to email his sub plans.  His computer was dead so he had to pack it back up. Shortly after that I called back to a room and was told to undress.  While I was undressing Jay was unpacking his computer and plugging it in. Shortly after that I got my IV.  Jay asked the nurse where he would be during the surgery.  She told him where the waiting room was and how all that worked. 

The IV made me have to pee about 3 times while I was waiting.  Each time I had to go Jay had to put his computer down and help me with the IV tubes.  Then the nurse came in and told me I’d be moved to a holding room in a few minutes.  Jay asked her again about where he would go during the surgery.   She told him again where he would go.  Once she left Jay packed up his computer again.  A little later the nurse came back and told us it was going to be delayed and Jay could get his computer out again.  So he did.  And I dozed and he worked for the next hour.

Finally they came to take me to the holding room which is where the doctors will meet with you prior to surgery.  Jay asked the guy wheeling me away where he needed to go.  The guy told him (3^rd time I’d heard the waiting room story) but he said Jay could go to the holding room with me.  Jay looked at me and said “You are a big girl I think you will be ok. I don’t want to get my computer out again”  And here is where Jay and I are a little different.  I’ve told that to some people and they were just flabbergasted that Jay didn’t stay with me the whole time.  Maybe we are weird but we are both fairly independent.  And honestly by that time I was tired of Jay fretting over the waiting room situation and watching him dink around with his computer.  I told him that was fine and he could go to the waiting room.  He walked as far as he could with me and then the guy pushing me stopped and said the waiting room is ahead.  Jay looks at me, says goodbye and then turns to his right and starts to walk down another hall.  The nurse had to tell him again that the waiting room was straight ahead.  Jay is a great husband but he didn’t have his listening ears on that day. 

Once I got to the holding room I saw the nurse, the anesthesiologist and the surgeon.  Each one had a surprised look on their face when they walked in and had to make sure that I did have family there.  Yes….he’s in the waiting room and lucky for you that he is because he probably would’ve asked each of you where the waiting room was.  And I really was fine except for the fluids they were pumping into me.  I had to pee 3 more times while I was waiting.  Which the IV was in my right hand and the bags were hanging on my left side.  I had to maneuver my body to grab the bags, climb out of bed while wearing a gown with a split up the back and nothing on under and head to the bathroom all while the door to my room was wide open.  I was so relieved when they finally got me for surgery so I would quit having to pee constantly. 

Once I got back to my room after surgery I saw Jay and the first thing I asked was if it really was a hernia.  I’d had a CT Scan earlier that showed a “cystic lesion” so I was wondering exactly what I had.  Jay gave me a look like I was insane and said “yes, it was a hernia.”  We sat there for a few minutes while I was trying to drink and eat some crackers.  Then out of the blue he said “well they also removed something but I don’t remember what it was….cyst, tumor, I can’t remember.”  Seriously, he could not remember which one of those words the doctor used.  I honestly was not worried about what it was I just couldn’t believe that he couldn’t remember.  I felt that I stayed very calm and didn’t get mad at him.  I don’t think he believes that though. I think he thought I was freaking out about it (which I wasn’t) so he went to the nurses station to ask them what it was.  A nurse came back to our room and they way she acted I think she thought I was freaking out (which I was not) and said it was a cyst. 

It ended up being a cyst that had popped through the torn muscle in my groin.  I really was never worried about it, but I was glad to find out that it was benign.  I actually think I had the cyst for awhile because I had been having a lot of pelvic pain over the last several months.  I’m not having it anymore so I think the cyst was the cause of it.  I’m just glad it is gone!

My recovery went really well and I am pretty much back to normal.  I did try to do some sit ups Sunday night and I’m not quite ready for those yet – but I can do pretty much anything else.  The one important thing that I learned after this is that I will never have surgery in March or April again.  Jay was there in body but his head was in the FFA clouds.  After almost 15 years I just know that is the way it is….and that is ok.         

Mother's Day 2014

Mother’s Day is one of those events that infertility has permanently skewed my view of.  For me it is an awkward day.  I actually would be just as happy to go into hiding with my family for the whole day and not be seen in public at all.  I find the whole day to be very difficult….and it’s not the fault of anyone. And it isn’t because I don’t want to celebrate my own mother, mother-in-law, grandma’s, grandma’s by marriage and my own sister.   It is survivor’s guilt. 

Yesterday at church the minister had all of the mother’s stand.  Oh my goodness….I hated it.  Again, until you’ve experienced infertility you don’t think about it.  His heart was in the right place, he was honoring the mothers.  All I could think of was the pain I could be causing someone by standing.  I kind of half stood and then sat right back down.  I felt like I was suffocating for the rest of the service.  Then as we were singing the last song I saw Cheryl bring the kids in the front door and gave them flowers to pass out to all the women.  And again my heart hurt.  I know I’m biased but Camryn was the cutest little thing yesterday walking towards me with those flowers.  I was so happy but yet so sad for those who have a hard time with Mother’s Day.  Those who have unfulfilled motherhood dreams, those who have lost a child or their own mothers, mother’s who’s children are walking a dangerous path,  Camryn’s birthmom who gave her baby to complete strangers and all the other birthmom’s out there, etc.   It is probably one of the most happiest sad days for me every year.

But with that being said I do want to say how thankful I am for my own mother and grandmother’s.  Another thing our adoption journey made me realize was how fortunate I was to have the grandmother’s I had who taught my parents how to be good parents which then trickled down to me and then hopefully on to my own kids.  I am thankful that I get to share this season in life with my sister as we navigate these different childhood ages together.  I am thankful for the family that I got through marriage with my mother-in-law, two grandmas and a sister-in-law.  I am thankful that Nana and Mattyle raised their kids right which trickled down to me getting a really great husband and father.  And I am extremely thankful for the two blessings that God has loaned me here on earth.  Some day’s they push me to the brink of insanity but I would not trade this time in my life for anything. 

Catch Up

My blogging this year has definitely been sporadic. I've got so many stories swirling around in my head but not a lot of time or energy to write when undo have the time. But things have been rolling right along here....

State Convention is this week. Yay!!!  The end is in site. But as far as contest seasons go this one hasn't been too bad. Or maybe since Jay is in year 15 I'm finally getting used to it???

I'm calling Camryn potty trained. She still has the occasional accident, which is to be expected, but she has done very well. We started on it in February and it didn't take very long. She caught on quickly. When it comes to potty training I've learned I also need trained. Taking them out in public the first couple of times is a little nerve wracking. But we both survived. I've never been big on antibacterial gel but that was before I had a girl using a public restroom- which is way worse than a boy. After our first public outing I hit Bath and Bodyworks. 

Cade is plugging along and about to finish 6th grade. Actually the last day of school is one month from today. How is it possible I'm almost the mother of a 7th grader? When your kids are little and your in the middle of tough toddler parenting the days seem to go so slow...but the years fly by so fast. 

I had my surgery April 10th. I've been off work since then. I have an appointment tomorrow morning with the surgeon and then I will head back to work. I've enjoyed my time off but I think I'm ready to go back.  As much as a toddler and a tween can make me wish for quiet it was actually strange when I had silence. By last Tuesday I was tired of sitting in a quiet house during the day.  But I am thankful that I had that time to heal. I'm doing pretty good. I had heard that my stomach muscles would be really sore so I didn't know what to expect. That actually wasn't that bad. I had a little trouble the first couple of days getting up but that was it. For me the incision has been the sore part. I lived in pajama pants for a week. I'm still only wearing my looser pants because it is still tender. I'm definitely recovering but I don't think I will be doing anything to rough for a few more weeks. 

What happens when Camryn gets my phone

I'm not a fan of most selfies, but I do like these.  Even with her runny nose- which turned into bronchitis a few days later.  It made me smile when I found them in my photos. Actually it was because I had no memory left. She had taken 150 photos like these. I did have to delete a few of them. 

I guess I have crazy food issues...

Here is the latest update in my bump...my surgeon thinks it is a hernia. I am having surgery Thursday to repair it. 

I've honestly not thought a lot about the surgery. I've known for about 2 weeks and life has continued on like normal. Except for those few thoughts that all mothers would have...like making sure the house is clean, laundry is caught up and there are some meals in the freezer. I think that is pretty normal. I've also been working to get things caught up at work the best I can. Totally normal behavior for someone, at least in my opinion. 

Then I went grocery shopping a total of 3 times last week. Two small stops during the week and 1 big stop Saturday....I should've known I was being  too calm. I have a friend who always talks about how the stress will come out somewhere, even when we don't think we are feeling it. As I was putting away the groceries and organizing the pantry my fog lifted and I realized what I had done...

12 cans of black olives

14 cans of corn

7 boxes of chicken broth 

3 bunches of bananas

I wondered if that was maybe the surgery stress coming out a little. A little later Jay saw the pantry and asked me if that was a mental thing because of the surgery. We've been together 15.5 years. I guess he is finally figuring me out. 

So if anyone needs black olives or frozen bananas for smoothies I've got plenty!

If my dear friend who is so in to end times prophecy saw this she would think I was preparing for It like she is. But I'm not sure how far 10 cans of black olives would get us....

Bump Update

After reading so many blogs about adoption and infertility I’ve seen a lot of post with bump update as the title.  Ninety-nine point nine of them refer to a pregnancy bump and then the update is followed by cute little  pictures of people who have gained 5 lbs over 40 weeks.  Of course for me a bump update quite literally means an update on the weird bump I had show up a few weeks ago.  And there will be no cute pictures to follow.  Because 1) they would not be cute and 2) you would have to poke your eyes out afterwards. 

I went for my ultrasound yesterday.  I had been warned that this particular tech might be a little grumpy and quiet.  And he definitely would not tell me anything – which didn’t surprise me.  I wouldn’t have asked anyway.  But this guy and I bonded over infertility and I think we were close to being besties by the time I left.  He was very nice to me AND he did give me some slight indicators as to what he thought it was. 

It all started when he asked if I’d ever had an ultrasound before.  Instead of just saying yes I said “oh, I’ve been through infertility so I’ve had lots of ultrasounds.”  That seemed to open him up and he told me that this would be no big deal – which was exactly what I had figured it would be.  He asked where we had gone for treatment and I gave him the way condensed 2-3 sentence answer.  He told me he and his wife had gone to KC for treatment.  They decided not to pursue it and now she is 28 weeks pregnant with a boy.  Of course I showed the proper excitement for them and told him how happy I was to hear that.  After a while he said he was going to check my other side to make sure he wasn’t seeing anything  there.  I asked him if he was in fact seeing something.  He said that he did find something and that I was definitely not making this up.  He said “something looks herniated and it is going into your abdominal cavity.”  I had really not been nervous about any of this until he said that.  Then I thought what if this isn’t a hernia?  What if I have something going into my abdomen?  So all of a sudden the prospect of hernia surgery sounded much better than it had earlier.  A few minutes later he asked if the doctor had told me to come with a full bladder, which they had and I had somewhat ignored it.  He told me he was sorry if I had been uncomfortable because I really didn’t need the full bladder- that is only for ovary ultrasounds.  I told him that I had wondered if we’d be ultrasounding the right part when I read that in my instructions.  We both laughed.  It was a little bit of infertility humor – you probably had to have been there. 

Also before I left he told me that he didn't see anything life threatening and that if he had they wouldn't have let me leave.  But then he proceeded to tell me that if I feel extreme pain I need to get to the ER immediately.  Great....so not only was I worried about what was in my abdomen but now I have to worry about the pain I'm feeling and what exactly severe means.  I'm going to go with the theory I will just know it if I have it?  So far I'd consider it more of an irritating pain that makes you feel exhausted by the end of the day - but not something that is doubling me over and keeping me from functioning.  There is never a dull moment in our house.  So far March has been extremely calm for us but leave it to me to get a hernia! 

My doctor called me today with the results -  a “possible” hernia.  I am going next week to have another test made and then will be referred to a surgeon.  I’m still not 100% on what it is, I also don’t know if surgery will be required.  But I’m figuring between Camryn’s $250 strep test in December, Cade’s weird infection and now this I should have Cox paid off about the time we payoff our 20 year mortgage.  But as long as none of this ends of being a big deal I will make my monthly payments with a smile…or at least a half smile

Cade is 12!

Today is Cade's 12th Birthday.  I can't hardly believe he is that old.  Next year I will have a teenager in the house.  Yikes!!!  I was able to talk him in to one last themed party.  Since both of our birthdays are so close to St Patricks day I've always wanted to incorporate that somehow.  This year I convinced him to do a 4-H Clover and then that would give me an excuse to buy some other green things and call it a 4-H party.  At one point he told Jay he wasn't sure about this theme.  Jay said "oh, don't worry about it.  The theme isn't for you anyway - it is for your mom."  I do love a theme party.

 

Janella did our cake and of course it was wonderful.  I tell her what I want and she always does a million times better than I ever imagined.  I told her to put the clover and the 5 pigs on it.  If I was decorating it I probably would have stuck the clover in the middle and put the pigs in the corners.  Then after seeing Janella's cake I realized what I was picturing would have looked like flying pigs.  That is why Janella handles the cakes.  This one ranks up there as one of my favorite cakes she has done. 

I didn't get any pictures of the rest of the cousins because my memory was full.  I need Charity to send me those and I will get them posted.  We had a fun night.  Camryn was so excited about this cake that Charity caught her with a butter knife headed for it.  Since then Camryn keeps asking me if Cade's birthday is on or off. 

 

Prior to the party my dad and Lynn came bearing gifts. - and it wasn't just a card with money!!  Dad and Lynn and getting ready to redo our old house which means at 2 days shy of my 37th birthday I was moved out of my dads house.  He brought the contents of my childhood bedroom to my house in a Uhaul.  I wish I had a recording of Jay through out all that....

 

when I asked if he wanted to move the stuff to the garage before or after we ate 

"AFTER WE EAT - we can't deal with that on an empty stomach"

 

when I opened up the garage door to ask him how bad it all looked

"it's the most depressing thing I've seen all day"

 

when dad helped him unload the last box

"well congraulations you got rid of one room of crap"

 

when someone noticed Cade's last years 4-H cake was sitting on top of our computer cabinet

"oh great, we can give it to Cade when he turns 37"

 

after we moved in the piano

Well, we have officially ran out of house"

 

Sunday morning when I said the walls of the house were closing in

"well the garage is going to have to start puking some stuff out"

 

My dad also had a great one liner Saturday night about Charity and I getting the junk out of his house

"Remember when I wrote on Justin and Charity's picture at their wedding 'The Best is Yet to Come'? This is what I meant"

 

I think my second most quoted movie on this blog is Sixteen Candles.  Remember when girl drops a weight in the attic and it goes though each level of the house and you can hear people say "party's over'?  Yeah, that was what happened Saturday night.  But instead of a weight it was a piano.  Nothing clears out a room like unloading and moving one bookshelf and putting a piano in it's place. 

 

This was the kitchen after everyone left

And this picture doesn't quite do it justice, but this is the family room.  Cade's friend is sitting on a pile of books from the shelf that we moved behind him.  To the right of Cade is where the shelf used to be, but now a piano is there. 

And so you get the full aspect of this entire story I will share all of it. I've got a mystery lump. My doctor isn't sure what it is so I'm going for an ultrasound tomorrow - but I'm wondering if it is a hernia. It comes and goes and gets sore when I move around a lot.  After being on my feet all day Saturday before the party it was blown up and sore. Then we moved a piano - which I ended not helping with much at all.  Thank goodness my mom, Sharon  and Lynn directed some of the traffic on rug useage and door opening so my floor wouldn't get scratched.  And while all the adults were focused on moving a piano Camryn saw her opportunity to gorge herself on the cake that was left within her reach.  This was Janella's beautiful cake after Camyn put her entire face in it to eat the icing.

mystery lumps, pianos, 37 years worth of stuff, birthday's, icing overload....when  we do things we do it big!  And I appreciate having a family who doesn't mind taking over for me when I couldn't do it myself.