New Installment from the Kindergarten Diaries

C's done a few funny things this past week, here are a few on them.

Tuesday was a rough morning at our house. J had to pick c out of bed while he was crying and put him in the shower. The whole time he was in the shower he cried and cried because he didn't want to go to school. He was in our bathroom which is so small and his wailing was so loud. He was saying over and over how boring school is and that the problems are too hard. J kept having to step out of the bathroom and laugh. Once he got dressed it was like someone flipped a switch and he was fine with going to school. Sometimes I wonder if he isn't fully awake yet when he cries about not wanting to go to school.

Yesterday J saw DeeAnn, one of the helpers in C's class who he lets baby him. DeeAnn told J that they were getting ready to do circle time yesterday and she was sitting down on the floor. Another little boy was sitting beside her. C walked up to him and said "You know you're not supposed to sit there, I get to sit by Miss DeeAnn". What's bad is that C did end up sitting by her. DeeAnn told Jay that Mrs L just diverted everyone's attention from the situation so C didn't get in any trouble. I'm afraid because J is a teacher(and C can be pretty funny) he may get away with a little too much. Then DeeAnn said that the kids were working on writing something when she got to the room yesterday. C was having a little trouble so she went to help him and he said "I just knew that you'd come over and help me, I just knew it" Do you think he's a little spoiled?

This morning he told me he is the only kid in his class who can't tie his own shoes (how embarrassing for us, his dad is a teacher for goodness sakes) Out of all the kids in his class he's the only one who is an only child. You would think that we would have more time to spend with him than the other parents so he should know how to do that. I think him being the only one is the problem. We haven't needed to make him dress himself or tie his own shoes because we only have to worry about getting him ready. This morning J left early so I took him to school. I undressed him, put him in the shower, washed him, took him out of the shower, put lotion on him, completely dressed him from his underwear to buttoning his jeans, put his shoes on him, tied them, put his coat on him, gave him his backpack, and fastened his seatbelt. Sometimes I think I'll still be doing this the day he graduates from High School. I called J and told him that we really need to work on the shoe tying - his reaction was the same as mine...I DON'T WANNA!!!! We want someone else to do it. Are the any volunteers out there who would teach C to tie his own shoes?

To Ask or Not To Ask

I can contact our Social Worker at anytime to see if our profile has been shown. I've toyed with sending Ivy and e-mail for the last week. It's hard to decide. On one hand I can live in my little bubble and not know for sure if we aren't been looked at. On the other hand it would be nice to know if we are being shown. I finally broke down today and e-mailed her. It sometimes takes her a couple of days to get back with me, so I thought I might hear something on Monday. Ivy e-mailed me right back and said we've been shown twice this month but in both instances the mother decided to parent. Am I glad that I asked?.....I still haven't decided yet. I'll probably have to think about it for a few days before I know how I feel. It can be so touchy...you don't want to "steal" anyones baby who can clearly parent but at the same time you hope they made the best decision for themselves and their child. Why does this have to be so difficult and cause so many conflicting emotions?

Optimus Prime

Here are some pictures from Saturday when LeeAnn and her family gave C his Christmas gift.






I've had my suspicions that C is a lot like his Pampa George - a little germaphobic, but after Saturday I know he is. After he got his new toy all the other "kids" wanted to try it on. First Terry had it, then J and then LeeAnn's daughter Lauren tried it on. Kimmy, LeeAnn's other daughter, got it after Lauren. While Lauren was handing it to Kimmy I heard C tell them he wanted it back so he could wipe it out. The girls didn't hear him and Kimmy went ahead and put it on. As soon as C got it back he started wiping it out because "everyone had their breath on it". C is named after his Pampa George so I guess he's carrying on the E---- tradition!!!

Thanksgiving Pictures

C kept asking us when everyone was going to get there so we had to let him play his Cars computer game


My garbage disposal that's been broken for almost a year finally got fixed on Thursday - right in the middle of trying to clean up the dinner dishes


From left to right - J with an enormous yawn, Sharon, Mattyle, Jim, Justin and Charity


C showing off his latest creation on his Magna Doodle


J and Corey

We forgot to take pictures of C and CJ until right before they left Saturday morning. That's why C is wearing a worn out pair of jammies that are two sizes too small, which he wore almost every night last week. He does have jammies that fit, I just kept doing laundry last week and putting the same pair back in his drawer and he kept putting them on again.

Thanksgiving Update

It's been awhile since I had time to post. I've been on Vacation since the Tuesday before Thanksgiving so it was a little hard coming back to work today. We had a good Thanksgiving. Jay's Cousin Corey and his 18 month old son CJ came to visit last Tuesday and we all had a great time. CJ is one of the best little boys I've ever been around. He slept good and didn't get into many things, which is amazing since he was in a strange environment. C would've terrorized everything and Avery got into more on Thanksgiving day than CJ did the whole time he was there. On Thanksgiving Day we had 16 people at our house, from both sides of our family. It was a busy day for me, but it was all worth it. I hit the big sales on Friday, not that I needed anything, but I had a good time. I couldn't sleep Thursday night so I ended up leaving our house at 4:00 a.m. Friday morning. I was back home by 10:30 and had to take a nap. I think I needed a day of "retail therapy" so it worked out pretty well. Friday afternoon our house became the spot to watch the Razorback/LSU game, which had to be the longest game in the history of Football. At least it seemed that way to someone who finds watching paint dry about as exciting as football. For those of you wondering Arkansas did beat LSU in overtime. On Saturday we went to Fayetteville to see J's grandparents and his Aunt's family from Chicago. LeeAnn always gives C good presents and this year she didn't let him down. We now are the proud owners of an Optimus Prime TransFormer helmet. It changes C's voice into Optimus' voice. Thanks LeeAnn, we love it! On Sunday we were pretty much worn out so we rested most of the day. I did get all of my Christmas decorating done. I've got a few pictures from Thanksgiving day and of CJ and C together that I'll post tomorrow.

By the way....do you remember the Turkey Talk post from earlier in the month? It was about my turkey...I mean our Turkey that C decorated for school. C was sick Tuesday and Wednesday so J stopped by to get his work. Mrs L sent the Turkey home and said it "was the best Turkey" Oh the satisfaction of a 30 year old being able to decorate a turkey better than 14 five year olds. Now we have a tree to get decorated by Dec 3, I'm already forming a plan!

Don't You Need a License to Drive a Motorized Cart?

if not, you should!

Things have been a little slow in our lives for things to blog about since we are waiting. Here is some filler from my Wednesday....

I had a meeting yesterday in the large town to our East. We had a plumber come yesterday morning for our leaky toilet in C's bathroom so I took C to school. He wanted me to walk him in and sit and watch him eat breakfast and then walk him back to his room. By the time I did all that it wouldn't have been worthwhile to go back home so I headed to town. My meeting didn't start until 10:00 so I had some time to kill. I had several errands to run after the meeting so I thought maybe I could get a head start. I decided to go to Kohl's. Just FYI for those of you starting your holiday shopping, Wednesday's are Senior Citizens days at Kohl's. I thought surely at 9:00 a.m. I would be able to shop without too much of a crowd, that didn't happen. Everywhere I turned there was, as J says it, bluehairs in my way. It got worse when I went to check out. The lines were full of Senior Citizens checking out, wanting to get their discount. I got in line behind one and she said she had picked the wrong line. I told her I usually did also, but I didn't take it as my clue to get in another line. The lady running the cash register was the slowest checker I have ever seen. Do you ever want to run up and help them? I had that urge yesterday. I finally decided to try a different line after the checker had to call customer service and another one raced me to it. She actually won, but I begged her to let me go first because I had a meeting. My quick trip to Kohl's ended up almost making me late to my meeting.

After my meeting I went to Hobby Lobby and spent quite a bit of time there. I am making a new Christmas Wreath for our church so I had to pick out all of the things to put on it. One thing I bought was a bunch of flower picks that were little gold balls. I didn't know how many I needed so I picked up 10. Those carts are so tiny that by the time I got the wreath in it, it was full. I laid my bunch of gold balls on top of that and continued shopping. I don't understand how Hobby Lobby can always be so busy. It was a Wednesday afternoon about 2:30 and the place was full. When I went to check out all of the lines were packed. I picked the one that looked the best and got in line. I looked at the gold balls and realized I only had 9 so I turned around and saw one had fallen out of the cart in the aisle right behind me. Before I could get to it a lady on a bright red motorized cart ran right over my gold balls. She completely demolished them, I could hear the balls smashing underneath her tires. If she knew what she had done she didn't show any remorse. Her husband followed along behind her and just kicked the mangled mess out of the way. I don't know if anyone but me saw the incident, it was all I could do to keep from laughing. Then she did a U turn and went flying down the aisle right beside me. I was standing at the side of my cart and I had to quickly get out of her way. I'm thankful I didn't have a small child with me yesterday. It might have been more than the gold balls getting smashed because this lady obviously had no intention of using her brakes.

Since I've already told you about my highlights yesterday day, I'll tell you about the incident at Wood You. It's not a big deal, but it did irritate me. J is trying to refinish our antique oak kitchen table along with the 4 chairs we bought at Grammy and Granddad's sale. The problem is that we don't have anything to take to the store to match the stain. We want it the same color as the table already is, but we can't tote the whole table to Wood You. The leaf for it is darker than the table so that won't work. The chairs aren't the same shade as the table so those won't work either. The table sits on a large base so that also won't work. I went in to Wood You yesterday to see if they have stain samples that they can check out. I was looking at the stain choices and I had two in mind that would probably work when the Wood Guy came up to me. Here's how our conversation went....
Me: Do you have samples you can check out?
Wood Guy: No, your best option is to bring something in and match it (really, I hadn't thought of that)
Me: That's the problem, I don't have anything to match, it's our table (at this point I was still thinking about buying the stain and trying it)
Wood Guy: How about the leaf
Me: No, it doesn't match (he's answered my initial question so I want him to leave me alone so I can concentrate on the stain)
Wood Guy: How about a chair
Me: No (does he not realize I've already thought of everything?)
Wood Guy: What about a table leg
Me: No (starting to get irritated)
Wood Guy: Well I don't know what to tell you then (very snotty)
Me: Goodbye
I didn't buy any stain. We will probably go back and buy it, but the Wood Guy got on my nerves yesterday. I didn't need him to solve my matching problem for me yesterday...I only wanted to know if they had samples to take home.

After a couple of other stops and a huge trip to Wal Mart I finally made it home, totally exhausted. Did I mention this was all done in a pair of uncomfortable dress shoes?

As for the leaky toilet that started our whole day it has been repaired. It had a slow leak so the linoleum is now discolored around the toilet. I was afraid it was mold but the plumber said it was where the water had separated the glue from the linoleum. We have a guy coming tomorrow to measure our bathrooms for tile. Thanks to a leaky toilet our 8th Anniversary present will be new tile in the bathrooms. I actually am getting a little excited!

Fall Fun

J and C had some fun this weekend in the leaves. Notice how we have several trees that make a ton of leaves, but of course none of them are the pretty kind. Our leaves are so thick that you have to wade through them to get to the front door. Time for J to get out the leaf blower so you won't have to swim to the front door on Thanksgiving!

Happy Birthday Grandmother

Today is Mattyle's 88th Birthday (I'm pretty sure it's 88 because I think she turned 80 the year we got married)

Happy Birthday Grandmother, even though she probably won't ever see this. It's probably just as well she won't see it and that Mamma won't either. It's not a very good picture of either of them, but it was all I had access to here at work. It was taken last year on Thanksgiving. It's nice that both of our families get along so well and that we are able to get together. My Grammy Fowler used to love to see Mattyle and she would always say she loved hearing her talk with her accent.
I'm thankful that we have so many pictures of C taken with all of his grandparents and great-grandparents.

Small Adoption Update

There really isn't much to report on our adoption, but I did get a small bit of information from Ivy earlier in the week. J and I didn't know if the agency would contact us each time they showed our profile so I e-mailed Ivy. I was relieved to know that they won't call us each time they show it as long as the prospective birthmother fits in our list of what we are willing to accept. If they are outside our list they will notify us to see if we want our profile shown. If we are chosen then they will notify us. I was afraid that they would call us before it's shown and since our phone hasn't been ringing I was getting a little discouraged. Our short profile has been shown once. Ivy is pretty sure this mother will decide to parent, which is great. I was just glad to know we had been shown at least once. She did only look at our short profile which is just a one page thing with the same three pictures that are on the website. I don't believe that our big profile has been seen at all.

There really isn't much going on, but at least you know where we are at as of right now.

Abraham Lincoln and al-Qaida

C is starting to get his History Channel stories confused. Saturday night I was wanting him to tell his Papa Kerry what he knew about Abraham Lincoln. I decided it was time for him to add some more facts to his story so I asked him what the name of the theatre was, which he surprised me because he already knew that. Then he added a new part on his own - about how they moved Lincoln from Ford's Theatre to a house where he later died. I had forgotten that part of the story so I learned something from C that night. Then Dad asked him who shot Lincoln. I thought that was a great idea for him to learn so I asked C if he knew who shot Lincoln. He said "Yeah, it was al-Qaida". We laughed and then Dad told him it was John Wilkes Booth. On Monday he was telling Grandma Robyn that Papa Kerry told him some other guy shot Lincoln, but he still thinks it was al-Qaida.

I know some will probably be horrified that our almost 6 year old even knows anything about al-Qaida and think that we let him watch way too much stuff that is too old for him. I know kids are growing up way too fast, partly due to what the see and hear from TV. At first I didn't know what to think about it. I honestly wondered where he had learned about al-Qaida, but it is really impossible to have not at least heard the word used. Everytime you turn on the TV or radio there is usually something on the news about it.I started wondering if I've done damage to my child that will cause him to grow up to be violent or just be a worrier. Then it occurred to me that his knowing the word al-Qaida isn't that different than those growing up at anytime since America was settled. There have always been the "bad guys" in our world and I'm sure countless children have grown up hearing and using those names. During World War II every child alive would've known about Germans and Japanese, in the 50's it was North Korea, 60's it was Cuba, Castro and the spread of Communism. I even remember growing up knowing about the Soviet Union. I don't think I'm too badly damaged and I don't think those who grew up in generations prior to mine are doing too badly either. We all survived and so have countless others knowing the names of the "bad guys".

I doubt that C even exactly understands what the word al-Qaida means. I'm guessing he thinks Lincoln was shot by a man named Al, but I could be wrong.

Some Things on My Mind

There have been a couple of issues on my mind the last few days. Please think about adding these to your own prayer lists.

1. There is a 9 year old girl who is missing from this area. Her step-father put her to bed around 11:00 p.m. Friday night and then left the house for a few hours. When he got home he didn't check on her and they realized around 9:00 Sat morning that she was missing. They thought she was at a friends house so they didn't report her missing until Saturday evening. I've been thinking a lot about this little girl and I saw her mom on the news last night. I just can not imagine what this family is going through.

2. On the news yesterday morning there was a story about some families who were planning on adopting from Guatemala. Due to some legal things that I don't fully understand those adoptions aren't looking good. Guatemala will be stopping all adoptions so they can reform their adoption system. Right now the families that are waiting will hopefully be grandfathered in. Most of these families have already been matched, some have already met their children. I feel for them because they already have a face and a name for their children and now it is uncertain if/when they will be able to bring them home.

Infertility, Holidays, Sundays and Trust

Clarification before you read this post:There is a difference between infertility and adoption. We are going to grow our family through adoption, but the fact that we are infertile will always be with us. I really have to no desire to be pregnant again, but being infertile means I can't expand my family at will. When I talk about infertility I'm talking about the frustration that comes with the lack of control I have over the size of my family. I am not saying in any way that I'm upset because we are adopting rather than having a biological child.

Infertility, Holidays and Sundays - each one of these things are hard to take for a person going though infertility. When you combine them all into one, it can make a day almost impossible to get through. When you add in other issues that a person could also be going though it can make those days a nightmare. Yesterday was one of those days for me. The infertility/failure feelings surfaced full force yesterday. They had been simmering all last week so I guess it was time. Hopefully I can take my ramblings and tie them into a coherent post by the end.

My feelings of infertility and failure are always worse on Sundays. Most would think that going to church and being close to God would make those days better, but it doesn't. I'm more aware of my infertility at church than anywhere else. The feelings actually start when I have to start getting ready. I usually try to delay that for as long as possible, until I absolutely have to get ready to make it to church on time. Some mornings aren't bad, other mornings are horrible. Most days since we started the adoption process have been better, but now that we're back to waiting it's gotten worse again. I start thinking about the fact that we can't expand our family at will. Everything has to be a struggle. Then it snowballs from there into being a failure because I can't seem to do anything - have a baby, loose those 20 pounds (heck, even 5 pounds would be great), keep our checkbook in order, etc. Then yesterday added to it because we are going into our third holiday season with a loss...05 was Granddad, 06 was Grammy, 07 is Mamma and the third holiday season that we still don't have a baby. The other problem is that one year ago yesterday we had our 2nd IUI. That was the IUI that resulted in a pregnancy, but the early miscarriage started on Thanksgiving Day. We should have a baby at our Thanksgiving table this year, instead it will be the one year anniversary of our loss. Then I started thinking about how hard it is for me to expand my family and how far I'm willing to go to expand it and hold it together while in another situation I know about they seem to want to throw all that away. Church can also be an issue in itself without all of the other self-pity that was going on yesterday. This is one of the drawbacks of going to such a small church. I love our church and I have no intentions of leaving, but it is extremely obvious there that we are probably the only ones who've experienced infertility. I'm pretty sure that the words Clomid and IUI aren't a part of most of the members vocabulary.

So all of this was swirling around in my head on the way to church and even during Sunday School. I just don't understand why it seems like things haven't gone right for us in awhile. I know that I've been blessed in many ways so before you all try to point that out to me, just remember that we all have bad days. Sometimes we need these days of self-pity to see our blessings and see exactly what God has done for us. 6 days out of the week I can remember this, Sundays are just a little harder. I also think another reason why Sundays are hard are because they are the first day of the week. It represents another week where nothing has changed, we're still infertile, mine, J & C's arms still feel empty, things still aren't right with my family,etc. Those weeks have turned into months, the months have turned into seasons and those seasons have now turned into years. Years and years of waiting and not understanding.

Yesterday our Sunday School lesson was about Abram and Sarai leaving Ur without a plan and just following God without question. To wrap up the lesson the book had written: Abram put action into his worship by trusting and obeying the Lord. God seldom shows us His way all at once. As we obey God one step at a time, our trust grows and we are able to take another step (Grow Through the Bible, Standard Publishing) I was reading that to my two girls (3rd & 4th grade)thinking that I'm supposed to be teaching this and am I really living it? Then I was thinking about Sarai, she had to be full of questions...didn't she? Here God was telling her to pick up and move to parts unknown, leave her comfy lifestyle in Ur and Haran and live in the wilderness. And in the middle of that she had to have been dealing with infertility because Genesis 11:30 says Now Sarai was barren; she had no children. It was roughly another 25 years before Sarai (then known as Sarah) gave birth to Isaac. Obviously Sarah did loose her trust in God because she took matters into her own hands and made herself miserable before Isaac's birth.

I was thinking about the story of Abram and Sarai as we started the church service and all of a sudden something popped in my head - trust in the Lord and Lean not unto your own understanding. I knew it was at least part of a verse, but I didn't know where it was at. While everyone else was singing I was digging through my condensed Concordance. I finally found it: Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. When we take matters into our own hands based on only what we understand we are going to make ourselves miserable (like my self-pity yesterday morning). We may think we understand a lot, but we don't know anything compared to what God understands. I have got to stop leaning so much on what I understand (or don't understand) and lean more on God. He's willing to take all of those burdens from us, if we are only willing to trust Him enough to turn them over to Him. Sitting here on a Monday morning it's easy to say this, but will I be able to trust enough to remember this and believe it next Sunday morning? I am certainly going to try.

Do you have burdens that you don't understand? Will you turn them over to Him and trust in Him not yourself this next week?

This Weekend

We went to Dad's this weekend. Mom had the extra carseat for Avery so I got it from her Friday at work. When I picked C up he asked about the car seat. I think he had his hopes up for a moment that it was for a brother or sister. He was still happy when I told him it was for Avery, but he told me he really wanted to get a baby soon. I told him I understood....so do I.

I'll be honest.....I really wanted to see Avery this weekend and as my usual luck she was in a foul mood. On Saturday morning she didn't want anything to do with anybody but her mommy. We had a few good moments during the day, but for the most part she only wanted Charity. I guess Avery really didn't care that I packed for 2 people and drove for an hour to see her....the selfish life of a 16 month old!!!



He really does lover her....even if you can't tell by the picture

Turkey Talk

Halloween is the day that, in my mind, starts the holiday rush. It's hard to believe that Thanksgiving is just a few days away. It will be here before we know it. At Parent/Teacher Conferences we were given family"homework" to do with C. We were given a naked turkey and we had to decorate him. Mrs L told us to bring them back the first week of November. C started getting nervous about it Tuesday morning, he wanted his turkey. We finally finished it up Wednesday night and he took it to school yesterday. As I was thinking about how to decorate my....I mean our turkey my ideas kept getting more and more elaborate. I thought about dressing him in our school colors, I thought about getting a leaf punch and making leaves to put on the bottom of the page, etc. Finally I talked myself out of some of the bigger (and harder) ideas that I had and settled for dressing him like a Pilgrim. I looked at the turkey and realized it looked like an adult had done it so I did let C color some of him. But I made him sit on my lap so I could make sure he didn't start coloring the turkey pink or something. I also let C put some stickers on the paper around the turkey, but I was pretty firm on not letting him put any on the turkey. This turkey project reminded me of the school projects we would have to do. It seems to be one of those traits in my family that we like to do elaborate things. In Kindergarten we would never just take store bought cookies for snacks. We had Pac-Man cookies that I can still remember mom and dad cutting the triangles for the mouth and sticking M&M's in for eyes. I also remember the Valentines boxes that mom would end up doing most of the work, but we usually always won the box contest. I know there were several other projects that ended up big while Charity and I were growing up - decorating the stage for Harvest Dinner, my Homecoming Crown Bearer dress, the year I ran for StuCo President and made a hundred buttons. The other thing to remember is that most of the projects were completed late at night or really early in the morning. I guess I'm continuing the line now that C is in school. Wednesday night J was yelling at him to get in bed and I was yelling at him to come in the kitchen to work on the turkey (just so it would look like he had done something on it). I'm sure he was competely confused by us that night. C was also a little ticked at me because I wouldn't let him put the stickers on the turkey or use macaroni or popcorn anywhere on the project. I have a feeling this turkey is just the beginning of a long line of projects to be completed by me late at night. Like Hank Williams Jr says....It's a Family Tradition



Also, I've tried to do some holiday decorating on my blog so that's why it looks different.

Happy Halloween

Yesterday C had his first school party. I wasn't able to go, but J went for a little bit. He said it was pretty wild. I was a little disappointed because the kids don't get to dress up at our school. Once they got home J got him dressed and they went to our neighbors. We had only planned on going into town to the Baptist Church's Trunk or Treat party, but it didn't start until 6:30. C was getting restless so we went to Memo and Papa Jim's. They surprised C by dressing up like Pirates. I didn't have my camera with me or they would have some pictures on the blog. After we left there we went to the church and played games and ate hot dogs and chili. We had a pretty good time...until this morning. C had asked me last night what was after Halloween. I thought he just meant the next holiday so I told him Thanksgiving. Then he wanted to know what was after Thanksgiving so I told him Christmas. That wasn't what he meant because this morning he hopped out of bed and said Yeah, It's Thanksgiving!. There were a lot of tears shed this morning when he realized tomorrow is not Christmas. He must not be paying attention during calendar time at school!

Charity e-mailed me some pictures of Avery from last night so I had to include those in the Halloween slide show.

I just looked at the slide show, the first one of Avery didn't turn out very good. It makes her look like a headless giant. Sorry...but you can see her face in the next one!